the other nite i went to pick up my baby from h's place and saw new toys and stuff. it upset me and i cried as a realised the reality that my son is gong to have another life other from me. i feel so sad and want more than ever to havemore of my son in my life. i'm scared i wont be able to handle it and say or do something unfair. how do i cope? i know it must b hard for h too but he left me so i dont have a choice in being a whole family.

Don't worry about what this is doing to your husband, Dancer. This is his doing, this is his choice. You have done nothing to deserve this treatment and there is no reason in the world why you should consider him for one moment when the only thing important now is that your son has contact only with you or your husband...NO OUTSIDE PARTIES. It's waaaay too soon to tell where this will all end up.It isn't right and it isn't fair for him to expose his child to some tramp that will probably end up to be insignificant in his life and mean about as much as the puppy ca-ca on his shoe.<p>Your son will not have another life away from you unless he goes ahead and divoces you and marries this OW, which is statistically HIGHLY unlikely. Your son will not have another life away from you (in the meantime) unless YOU allow it...and you don't have to. You can get a court order to ban the OW from being within a ten mile radius and a temporary custody order until the details of your life have been worked out. Maybe, just maybe your husband will snap out of it and relaize what he is loosing and come rushing home like the majority do when they have had enough and realized the OW is less than the spouse. She is always less because she has no integrity or honor because she is knowingly with a MM and destroying a family, a home and the lives of so many...espeically the children. Many WS's see this and leave the OW for the scumminess of it all and see they sacrificed and jeopardized their families for a tramp with no self worth...someone willing to settle for and take someone else's life because they have none of their own and can only get a sense of self worth (which is an illusion) if they think they have 'won' a man away from his wife.<p>The BEST way to cope is to begin calling the shots and getting strong and tough and not letting anyone dictate how it's gonna be to you. The amazing thing about this is after he's done all his carping and complaining, he will see you in a new light...he will see you as strong and attractive for having the courage to stand up for your convictions and for protecting your son regardless of what he wants or thinks. The OW will pale in comparison.<p>If you do this, you will become an attractive mystery to him. If he ever decides he wants to come home, you can tell him that in order to do this that the marriage will have to go through a period of recovery using the Harley principles and Rules of Honesty, Protection and a Policy of Joint Agreement. I hope you have read everything you can on Harley's Principles. If you haven't I suggest you begin today to study everything you need to know to learn how to cope and survive and eventually heal yourself, and hopefully, the marriage.<p>YOU call the shots. He needs to know how it is going to be from now on...and don't waffle.<p>Get tough...at this point, you have nothing to loose.<p>Catnip =^^=

THanx 4 replying catnip.<p>H has not left me for OW - i dont think - he says we have a bad marriage anyway and doesnt think i will ever change to satisfy him the way he needs. besides, he doesnt love me anymore. But they are still very good friends. I guess each time i try the tough approach it seems to backfire in my face somehow and i end up looking like a cow. i really want to learn to turn the other cheek without being gullible and try to see things from all angles, not just my own. but how to do this and remain sane?<p>Dancer