I read your post on Jessica's "Update" topic. I am planning divorce and my husband doesn't understand. He wants to try to work things out and wants the chance to prove he can be a "good" husband. He obviously has lied to me in the past (OC is 3 months old, he said he didn't want a relationship with oc, changed his mind, now changed back) and I'm not really inclined to jump back into this relationship. My question for you is, how did you have the courage to let your husband come back and prove himself? I have 2 small children and don't want to be a single mom, but I also don't want to be lied to and taken advantage of anymore. I would love to hear some of your wisdom!

callie I had no courage! I still didn't believe him when he wanted to "be a good H". I STILL saw an attorney as per my appointment made previously. H was "hurt". I talked to lawyer, got things ready, and came home to see what would happen.<p>On my life, my h changed his tune to "Debi, I want YOU, Debi, I need you" that day.<p>In almost every way he was willing to kiss-up so to speak.<p>Some days were bad because of me and my distrust.<p>He truly came home that day.<p>You should reach down inside and see if your gut feeling is saying to you that he MEANS it when he wants to stay.<p>Try for you, callie. Do not put up w/anything you can't do.<p>Complete honesty w/o fright did it.<p>Best of luck and peace and prayers.<p>love
Debi

Gemini,
I know my H really wants to stay. I'm the one not sure if I want him to stay. The A and OC have really made me evaluate my marriage and there were a lot of issues/problems before that I refuse to go back to. I didn't have the courage before to deal with it, but I do now and if it means I will end up a single mom, so be it. H knows this, but it means that he will have to change tremendously. I honestly don't know if he can. It basically means changing who he is and his role in our family.<p>You still seem courageous to me to take the chance of getting hurt yet again.

Callie,<p>I just had to jump in on your thread. <p>Men can change who they are... and when they do you will know for sure by looking in there eyes. There's a different kind of sincerity in their eyes. You will know it in your gut. You may not see it right away... but if it's there it'll hit you one day that hey... this guy means business. <p>Know that it is possible. <p>I saw it by my husband's new dedication to God and his church. He openly asked for forgiveness and strength and guidance from God. He never did that before. That's when I knew that he wanted to be a changed man. I had faith enougth to know that God would show him how since H had opened himself to him.<p>Honey you will know... but you won't know if you don't leave the door just slightly cracked. No harm in proceeding while he "proves himself." And if you have to put a pause on proceedings if it starts going well, so be it. He will always know you weren't afraid to take it all the way.<p>I think (and correct me if I'm wrong) Gem's husband realized that she'd do it if he didn't straighten out. I know mine did. It probably has a lot to do with thems staying straight.<p>Good luck,
Z.

Z,
Thanks for your input. The only thing that has gotten me through so far is my faith in God and that I will come out of this ok. My H does not have this faith and doesn't see how God (or anyone else for that matter) could forgive him for the things he has done. I pray that my H will some day come to the same faith I have...that may be a key in saving our marriage.<p>I want to want to make things work...right now I really feel nothing for my H and can't imagine ever really loving him again.

callie just by following your faith H will begin to see what it's all about. My H knows that it was God that touched our lives and that playing with satan, who is full of excitement, is why what happened, did happen.<p>Now he says "I know God has forgiven me" He didn't feel worthy of God's love before. Just one day he began to say how we need to go to church together. I always went alone or w/son. I was amazed! He has never been religious. He does see and believe now. It may happen with you.<p>Have you done plan b? Try it. It may very well result in divorce but will allow H to miss you. Then change his treatment of you. Then maybe come back home and live life the way a H and W are supposed to.<p>Good luck sweetie.<p>prayers,
Debi

Gem,
I am still new to this site and haven't really checked out what Harley has to say...I guess I need to find out what plan B says! I've seen references to it in other posts and will check it out.<p>My husband has actually been going to church with me and our kids for some time, he's been thinking about a lot of things but is still skeptical. He has even met with our pastor a couple of times. I keep praying that my if he's truly willing to change that my heart will soften and I will be open to rebuilding our marriage.