I'm going to try to get you all caught up a little bit, but I may have to do this in segments. I am teaching class right now but will try to get in a few lines while the class is working on an assignment.<p>First, court for the custody hearing was incredible. I was on the witness stand for over an hour and the judge loved me. He ate me up with butter and sugar, really. The other lawyer tried everything he could to rattle me, including reading love letters from my h to ow, but he could not get me flustered and ended up looking stupid. Our lawyer says that he has never seen anything like it before - the stenographer said to our lawyer afterwards, "Mrs. Collins was the best witness I have ever seen - I've never seen a WITNESS outlawyer the other side before!"<p>Actually, every single question OUR lawyer asked was typed by me in advance. He let me prepare the entire case by myself. And it went great.<p>I know that it sounds like I am boasting shamelessly, but I walked through fire that day and I think I earned some bragging rights. <p>Well, since we went to court, we have had full weekend visits with oc. She has fit in pretty well with our children. Our four-year-old is a little jealous of her, but overall it's been working out ok. The judge ordered psychiatric evaluations on both h and ow so that he can better determine who should have primary custody, and we will have a new hearing after those are complete.<p>What hasn't been working out, however, is my h and I. Our relationship has been on a steady decline for the past few months, and it's getting increasingly worse. A couple of weeks ago we had an argument. During the course of it, h gave my dog a bit of a kick. I was very upset that he kicked her, but in an attempt to make light of the situation, said in my worst Sylvester Stallone impression, "You knocked her down, why don't you try knocking me down." ANd, much to my surprise, he DID. He knocked me up against a wall in our kitchen and I was really sore for days. <p>Bystander has been giving me some wonderful advice and has offered his perspective on all that's going on. It's been a mess.<p>I'm out of time.. More later,
cd

cd,
I am so sorry to hear that you and your H are struggling. Are you still in counseling? He is apparently very angry. Probably with himself most of all. Guilt can do so many things. Be careful...
He needs to be talking to someone. Something is eating away at him big time. Does he really want all this comotion with the OC or does he just think he HAS to "do the right thing"?
Sometimes, when we first got involved with OC, I pushed OC on H because I felt it was the right thing to do. Not pushing him, but making sure he had a relationship with his child. I had to step back and recognize that he needed to WANT to be with OC.
I am not saying that you are pushing OC on him, but maybe he has changed his mind about how he wants to be involved, but feels trapped now. Especially with all this litigation and having to be under a microscope. It makes me sick that anybody can have a child and no one ever bothers to ask if they can really parent. Unless you get in this situation, and suddenly everything has to be examined. I am so sorry that you have to go through all this on top of everything else.<p>Oh, and congrats, on your "hotseat" triumph!!! God is working wonders with you and sending you down His path! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Aw geeze cd. After all you've been through and then to have the one you're doing it for "knock" you into a wall? Where is all the anger coming from? Your strength in dealing w/all of this is beyond belief.<p>You H sounds angry at you for being so strong. Maybe he resents it. He wasn't strong and here you go forgive him and wrap your arms around him and do all humanly possible for HIS sake and OW'S sake and C's sake, foregoing your c's jealousy and what do you get in return?<p>I think the misery of all your family has been through has taken it's toll on H. It's all too much. Rehashing love letters probably made him look foolish. All in front of both women he had a thing with. Probably felt like a damn fool! Then took it out on you.<p>I hope Bystander can help you work through this.<p>I pray for your peace as always. Lord knows you deserve it!
love and peace...
Debi

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by cdcollins:
<strong><p>1. First, court for the custody hearing was incredible. I was on the witness stand for over an hour and the judge loved me. the stenographer said to our lawyer afterwards, "Mrs. Collins was the best witness I have ever seen - I've never seen a WITNESS outlawyer the other side before!"<p>2. Actually, every single question OUR lawyer asked was typed by me in advance. He let me prepare the entire case by myself. And it went great.<p>3. we have had full weekend visits with oc. She has fit in pretty well with our children. Our four-year-old is a little jealous of her, but overall it's been working out ok. <p>4. The judge ordered psychiatric evaluations on both h and ow so that he can better determine who should have primary custody, and we will have a new hearing after those are complete.<p>5. What hasn't been working out, however, is my h and I. Our relationship has been on a steady decline for the past few months, and it's getting increasingly worse. <p>6. A couple of weeks ago we had an argument. During the course of it, h gave my dog a bit of a kick. <p>7. He knocked me up against a wall in our kitchen and I was really sore for days. <p>8. Bystander has been giving me some wonderful advice and has offered his perspective on all that's going on. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Dear cd<p>My first repsonse was lost in cyber world, somewhere in the fifth dimension, with an inadvertant click of the mouse and was forever deleted. I will try to remeber what I originally wrote.<p>1. You are gifted and should be an attorney or a paralegal working for this cause. With your mind and your presence, you could do a lot of damage in the courtroom pushing for reform and making mush out of OP's everywhere looking for trouble or a free ride.<p>2. Incredible..I wish I could have been there.<p>3. But at what cost? Is it a stretch to assume that this visitation is causing stress to your marriage?<p>4. Your husband's recent behavior is worrisome to me. Anger/Rage management therapy sessions might help him get a better psycholigical profile from the doctor if he has some sessions before the evaluation. When are the evaluations scheduled?<p>5. If things are not working out, why would you be going after full custody? Why does this have to happen now when you are in the early stages of recovery and need to focus on yourselves? Maybe his 'anger' is symtomatic of a subconscience wish not to be so involved in this child's life. Stretching again, but something I was thinking about.<p>6. Kicking the dog is pretty sideways, cd. Sounds like he was picking a fight with you or just didn't know what he was feeling or how to handle the emotions of whatever...anger management, cd...anger management.<p>7. Next time he does anything like this, you must call the police and report it. If you do not do this, he is not suffering the consequences of his behavior and it can only get worse...please. None of you, not you, not your kids and not the OC need to be around someone who is abusive and out of touch, feeling guilty or whatever it is he is not cpapble of handling or being honest about. It isn't good for any of you, not even him. Men are such children when it comes to their empotions and they ususally don't know what's eating them. I've noticed a strange phenomenon lately with my husband. If I get angry at him for anything, anything at all, he simply cannot stand it and will immediately retreat, distance himself. He doesn't get mean anymore because he is medicated but he will retreat. It is just too much for them. For some reason we are far more capable of handling the horror.<p>8. Bystander gives good counsel...he is completely logical, informed and empathetic without being damaging. Listen to him...he's a great guide.<p>cd, I am praying hard for you. Stay strong and keep your wits about you...<p>This post is so lame compared to the first one I wrote. It makes me so mad I lost it because there were a couple other rather important points that elude me right now because I am so exhausted, but I wanted to respond as soon as I got home. Please keep in touch...everyone here misses you so much.<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=

CD,<p>I too miss you dearly. <p>I am thrilled with your courtroom victory. I wish I could see the tape.<p>As for H. I agree with everyone. H is angry and it probably has much to do with your strength and or second thoughts about OC. He needs to find a way to deal with that anger/resentment and work through them or it will eat away at him and eventually destroy your marriage. <p>Get him help and get him help quick. I fear that it will get out of control and take a quick spiral downward. <p>Don't wait... get him an appointment today. And if you have to hang divorce over his head... so be it. If you don't I fear it could be disasterous.<p>Praying for you,
Z.