<p>[ February 14, 2002: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

Gosh,
It's horrible that you had to go through all that to get to the truth? I know you're upset, but do you feel somewhat empowered? I'm so sorry you are in this mess. Are you back in CA now? Are you feeling all right? What's your next step now, knowing that he had the nerve to do something like this????

Are you in northern CA or southern CA? Too bad we can't hook up tomorrow. My girlfriend invited me over to bake for Christmas and chill in her jacuzzi. You could come and take a load off your mind! <<<<HUGS>>>>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>First of all, i didn't want to go because i already knew i was going to be uncomfortable being around the same jerk cop friends of his who knew about the ow and didn't bother to say anything to him about cheating on his wife, especially his christian cop friends <hr></blockquote><p>You are not alone in those thoughts...some of the very things that steamed me was the fact that these people knew my H's situation and not one of them encouraged H to come clean with me. I share some of that sentiment. It's the Fraternal of the Police B-crap. And since I live an hour away (across the lake) I am not a "real" person to these people. I don't really "exist". Its our distance to and from work among other things that lead to H and I living separate lives. We are trying to integrate our lives but it is not doing too well at the moment.<p>I am so sorry you had to go through all that at the Christmas Party. Wish I were with you, we could have had alot of fun despite our H's. My H never takes me to police functions. He doesn't even go himself. (or so I'm told....maybe I will ask him if he goes stag???)<p>Anyways, keep your chin up and like you and I keep passing back and forth to each other, "WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS" and I will add....ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.<p>I've been meaning to e-mail you to see what was up. Are you in MN or CA now???<p>Hope to catch up with you online so we can chat (VENT) lol!!!!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My girlfriend invited me over to bake for Christmas and chill in her jacuzzi. You could come and take a load off your mind! <hr></blockquote><p>Hey Bintheredunthat....mind if I soak along with y'all? I could use a break from the four kids and the holidays in general...I can decorate a mean cookie and I promise we will talk about stuff other than the bah humbugs!!!! LOL...but CA is too far from LA at this present time...so I will soak with y'all in spirit LOL!!!!<p>Have a good day and thanks again for your prayers and encouragement!<p>Hugs,
Twiisty

julia honey I'm so sorry. These H's just keep doing things over and over to make us frightened to stay. When they hide things they think they're saving us from more pain. When we find out it's like an A all over again.<p>A big thing with me was while H was gone during round 2 we discussed him not going to see new baby as ow was due at any time. Right before he forceably moved home she had baby. I suspected he went to see baby. My Mom volunteers at hospital and has a zillion friends who had their eyes open in case ow delivered. A nurse H went to to get baby for him told my Mom! H never told me. Just satisfied himself and his curiosity w/o regard to my feelings.<p>I was hurt and outraged w/anger! No dna yet and he went! I told him the day he moved home I want honesty and no surprises or it won't work.<p>So far so good.
Just wanted you to know I understand!<p>love
Debi

Oh MNCA,<p>I'm sooooo sorry to hear about what happened. How truely aweful.<p>Did you ever read my suggestion to someone. I wanted to never be "powerless" to OW. So I told H I need to know EVERYTHING so I would never ever be taken by surprise. I explained to him that if she ever let something out by "accident" it would be like learning of the affair all over again. He understood this plea and told it all. <p>I've read of people making a date away from it all and having discovery night where the BS is allowed to ask anything and the WS agrees to answer honestly, no matter how much it'll hurt. <p>But the trick is... after that night... you have to keep the questions to a butt naked minimum. You also have to promise to try and keep your head during question/answers so that you don't get off track and end up a sobbing whimpering babbling fool. Like I did whenever we talked about IT.<p>Good luck my sweet. Remember, most times they keep secrets to keep us from getting hurt. They just don't know it hurts more to find out from someone else. It's easier getting bad news from someone you love. Tell him that.<p>Z.

Thanks for the responses, guys - you're the greatest. <p>Well, I am still in MN...don't know when i am going back to CA, as i only purchased a one-way ticket. Right now i have intentions of going back to CA, I just don't know when, maybe early January. <p>I have also decided that if and when i do go back to CA - that will be it...meaning, if my h does not make any efforts to compromise on living in CA or some neutral location that we both can agree on, then i will not look back - or try my best to not look back. I know that we both don't want a divorce and would like to save this marriage, but it kills me that he is so unwilling to compromise or meet me in the middle. I don't know, he says that he is not ready to "uproot" his life right now and move.... umm, i didn't want my life uprooted either, but he went ahead and uprooted my life and i never wanted it! (OK, breathe, Julia!)<p>Binthere,
I am in S. Cal. How bout you? Let's do lunch.<p>God Bless,
Julia

Julia<p>If you're still in MN and in Minneapolis in particular or the surrounding suburbs, we could get together for coffee. I am staying with a friend in south Mpls and free most evenings and weekends.<p>Catnip =^^=

Catnip,<p>OH MY GOSH, HOW MUCH WOULD I JUST LOVE THAT!!!!
A delicious mocha frappuccino sounds wonderful and meeting you would be a blessing.<p>I am free any day, every day basically - i am not working while i am here, so that's nice... I am in the uptown area near lake Calhoun. Let's plan on meeting soon, please.<p>
Can't wait.
Julia<p>[ December 16, 2001: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

I work in the Uptown area and live on 41st street...watch for an e-mail...Dunn Bros on 34th would work?<p>Catnip =^^=

Catnip,
I'll wait to hear from you. If you read my latest post, don't worry, i am basically harmless when it comes to people other than h or ow. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
Julia

Julia<p>It's ten bells and I've sent you two e-mails...are you not getting them? I am going off line for a bit ...will check back tomorrow.<p>Catnip =^^=