<p>[ February 14, 2002: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

julia, I will write more when I can. Sounds like Fog issue to me. Heard it ALL before!
Know and understand your anger!<p>Prayers to you.
Love
Debi

Julia,<p>sounds like a scene from my house a few months back. It tends to go in cycles. My H doesn't want to move either. <p>I will be praying for you. I need to get the baby right now. E-mail me or IM me if you see me online...
Hugs,
Twiisty

AAARRRGGHH! I lost my original post so I will try to remember what I wrote.
I am sorry that it is not going the way you had hoped. I agree with the others who believe your h is still in the "fog". He thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.
I know you plan B with him but did you ever really "leave" or did H know you would be back and he could have it all. You may need to leave again and tell him that until he shows up on your doorstep in CA, you will not speak to him....period. You could tell him that only then will you know that he wants the marriage to work.
I just find it odd that if he truly wanted this marriage, it wouldnt matter where you were. He would move heaven and earth to get there to you. The hardest part with plan B is the patience you have to have not to accept the phone calls or communicate with him. I have heard many women try this and now the h is out of the fog and living at home doing whatever it takes.
I will be praying hard for you, girl. Hang in there! God is carrying you right now.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>He came in the room where i was lying down frantic, and he comes in and says, "i just meant that if you did come to me pregnant, i would forgive you and support you through the pregnancy".. <hr></blockquote><p>I heard it also Julia. Swear they are the same at certain points in time.<p>Plan b girl! It allows them to know what the heck they want. Heck it allows you to know too!
Prayers and peace,
love
Debi

Thanks, Guys.<p>I have already begun thinking about starting plan b. I really don't think that will matter to him one way or the other. MN is his life and everything that is here, if i am gone, that won't make too much of a difference to him and that is what steams me so much.<p>Get this, though... Lastnight (sat) i dropped h off at his part time job working security at a bowling alley. This is, by the way, where h and ow met. Anyway, i drove off and pulled into the grocery store for about 20 minutes then decided that i was going to drive by the bowling alley to make sure she (ow) did not stop by to see h. She does this all the time, even though h tells her not to. Well, i pull up and there is her ugly car right in front, one tire pulled up on the curb. I walked in there like a bat out of hell and my h walks me out, i passed the ugly b- and didn't even know it was her because the last time i saw her she looked really bad...anyway, i said to my h, "where is she?" he said, "right inside, you just passed her". My h and i sat in the parking lot and talked, she got in her car and drove away.<p>Well, i drive home and h calls me and says that she just came back to see him and told him, "you didn't think you were getting off that easy did you?" She told my h that she called the police dept and found out how much h makes and that she is going to get him for what he is worth. I could hear her through the phone... She goes, "You're f-'d up, i hate you, i hope you die, you're f-'d up!". My h had me come get him because of the scene she was making at work. He will probably get reprimanded. Well, he brought this on himself. <p>Honestly, it was a good thing that i didn't recognize her because i would have done something i know it. A while ago i told her that i would kick her a--, after she threatened to kill me and h, my h told me that she said, "what happened i thought your wife was going to kick my a--, doesn't she have any balls?" nice huh? My h told her , "she isn't like that". Oh yes, i am. She called last night a couple times but we didn't answer the phone.<p>Oh yea, we made eye contact, me and her, and gave eachother the dirtiest looks, like we were in high school all over again. It just doesn't seem real that she is carrying MY baby. Oh how i want to just SSSSCCCRRRREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAMMMMM!<p>Thanks for reading.

Oh Julia, that sounds just awful!!!! I am so sorry that you're in this situation!!!!
Ow sounds like a real bite in the a**!!<p>peace~
tinlizzy

Hmmm...
You know what? The more I read, the more I think you should stay there and try to work it out with your H...<p>I don't think leaving will solve anything. If you feel like your love is running out, then by all means go to Plan B.<p>But the reason why I say stay is because of the comment he made when you guys argued. Think about it. He wants your forgiveness and support. He sounds like he needs you. He sounds like he is a afraid to start over re: his job situation.<p>It's not that I don't have sympathy for what you are going through, but you are in an extremely emotional state and your decisions should probably be put on hold until you calm down a bit.<p>When I got married, my vows were taken from the book of Ruth where she told her mother-in-law, where you go, I will go, where you live I will live... So that's what keeps making me think you should stay with your H.<p>I think God asked us to adapt ourselves to our husbands because He gave women the distinct ability to adapt in relationships. His first assignment to the man was a job! I don't think your H is putting his job ahead of you, but men identify with their jobs whereas women identify with relationships more. Adam's job was to tend the garden and protect it, and name the animals. Eve's "job" was to be there for the man, because it was "not good for him to be alone."<p>I don't know Julia, (?) I could be wrong, but something tells me you should stay and work your Plan A/Plan B from there where your H can see what he would be missing...<p>What are Plan A and Plan B?

Julia,<p>I haven't been posting that much but I wanted to give you my support. Your exOW reminds me of the one I'm dealing with she always chasing H around the town he works in. He works outside and she tries to show up at H job. The first time he saw OC was in an arctic freeze and she was 8 days old. He couldn't believe she would bring a baby out in that type of weather and expected him to hold the baby. The next time he saw OC it was a heat wave (smart of exOW huh?) and OC had an ear infection and a fever H couldn't believe she was that pitiful that she could care less about her child. After that incident H asked her not to show up at his job and bring OC with her.<p>We have to go to court Thursday. The weather her is bad it's raining and they are calling for snow I bet you she brings OC. Don't let exOW make you stoop to her level. Only touch her to defend yourself the trifling hoe could press charges against you if she has a miscarriage. <p>I agree with BTDT if at all possible try and stay with your H fight if you want him. Good luck I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.<p>Unsure

Wow, you guys, thanks for your support. I appreciate it all. And i am so confused about what to do, i want to be with my h more than anything, but then leaving and getting away from this mess sounds inviting too.<p>Lastnight my h told me that he is not comfortable with me running to the computer and telling all of you everything that goes on here. I told him that i hadn't been posting for a long time and just recently started to again, and how i need you guys because i can relate to you all. I told him that i don't ever intend to belittle him in any way and that the whole purpose of the site is to encourage and support eachother in re-building broken marriages. Anyway, i am not going anywhere, this site may be like a drug at times, but it is and has been beneficial for me both strength-wise and spiritually too.<p>Thanks for the support. Oh and Guess what everyone? Catnip and i are meeting for the first time tonight over a drink. Pray for us that our time would be blessed.<p>Julia<p>[ December 17, 2001: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

Julia,<p>If your H is indeed still in the fog then I would bet it wont be long before he is out of it.<p>Ow is ending it for herself. When our ow got all psycotic and threatening is when H lost his sympathy for her. Then he got with it and started working on our marriage.<p>If your H is upset about this site let him read a little. My H has gotten used to it. He realizes how much it means to me and how much it has helped me and (indirectly) him. This is a place where darn it! someone understands! They do not and never will. And really they cant be expected to. Im not sure anyone could unless they had been in our shoes.<p>Love,<p>bw