I know i have been posting too much lately...sorry. But i had to write in and tell you all that i got a good look at ow, in good lighting for the first time. I won't say that she was ugly, but she was more unattractive than i thought she would be. Not that this matters, but because she is only 21, i was scared and felt inadequate to her knowing that my h wanted this young woman. Well, she looked 31, not that 31 is old of course (i'm knocking on the door), but just the fact that 1. she was unattractive and 2. looked drawn out and tired made me feel a little better for the minute.<p>Well, here's what happened... I made a couple sandwiches for h and took them down to his work, we sat in the break room in the back for 1/2 hour and then when we walked back out to the work area/public area, there she was... Standing there, with an ugly braid in her hair and when she turned around i just froze, h said, "oh gee". We all just stood there for 5 seconds saying nothing. H asked, "what are you doing here?" She said, "you know what i am doing here." I said, "you need to leave". She just said to h, "i need an answer to my question". I said, "you just keep making excuses to see h, you need to call on the home phone if you have any questions". she just ignored me. My h just said to her, "you can't be coming down here and doing this." I told my h to answer her question and ask her to please leave. He did and she left.<p>Her question was... that she need to know what to do for the necessary documents pertaining to whether or not he wanted to sign over his rights for paternity right away or if he wanted to wait for dna. he told her DNA. She walked out kind of looking sad and defeated. I was just numb, but my legs were shaking. <p>i cant believe my h got this woman pregnant, just isn't real.<p>Julia

julia,
She IS defeated and tired (pregnancy makes anyone tired!). Nasty Reality is crashing in on her. There you are, the wife, and there she is, yesterday's piece of *ss gone sour. She's realizing she hasn't got any future with this man whose baby she's carrying, that she's deceived herself about her life and now she's gotten not just herself but her future kid and another couple in this ugly mess. There is no way out, no happy endings... A tie to a man who doesn't love her (I'd lay odds she's another sad young lady without a father figure, trying to get approval through multiple sex partners). Any chance she'd be open to adopting her baby out?<p>Best wishes and keep working on the marriage!
J

Julia........<p>Yep........gotta agree with Jenny!<p>Ow is pathetic.........ha!<p>Dont apologize for posting please. Post everyday please. I am really on edge down here wondering how you are and how it is going there..<p>Love<p>bw

Jenny & BW,<p>Thanks... Yes,OW is absolutely pathetic and refuses to accept the fact that she was a mistake and consequences aren't fun. I still can't believe that when i looked straight into this woman's ugly eyes and peripherally looked at her entire ugly body, that she IS carrying my baby!!<p>And yes, she just so happens to be a father-less daughter, her dad left her and her mom when she was 4 or something like that. <p>This is mean, but about a month ago when we were yelling back and forth at eachother and she told me, "fact still stands, B-, i have his baby and you don't". I told her that her dad is somewhere out in the world jumping for joy knowing that the smartest thing he ever did was walk out on her and her mom. She was steamed. I know that's not very christian, but i lost it. I lose it everyday for that matter.<p>Tonight Catnip and i met for a drink and had a wonderful, beautiful conversation. We laughed and cried and ate and drank. Thank God for you guys. <p>Love, Julia

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by mnca6713julia3:
<strong>... she told me, "fact still stands, B-, i have his baby and you don't"...i lost it. I lose it everyday for that matter...
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>NO SHE DIDN'T!?!? Gosh, what a poisonous attitude for a pregnant mother to have! She is young and obviously doesn't realize that just because you are pregnant, doesn't mean you will carry to term, and just because you carry to term doesn't automatically mean that the baby will be delivered healthy or even alive for that matter. She is taking a lot for granted.<p>AND SO ARE YOU! Just because SHE is pregnant doesn't necessarily mean YOU will not ever conceive. Work on your Plan A and improving your (Christian) attitude like you know you should, and I'm certain that God has many blessings in store for you--in spite of this disaster.<p>I'm praying for you. I hope for the best for you. Sending lots of hugs your way. And, if it is a big, huge lovebuster for you to be posting, maybe you should cut back as part of your Plan A. You will be all right. God will see to it.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>She's realizing she hasn't got any future with this man whose baby she's carrying, that she's deceived herself about her life and now she's gotten not just herself but her future kid and another couple in this ugly mess. There is no way out, no happy endings... A tie to a man who doesn't love her (I'd lay odds she's another sad young lady without a father figure, trying to get approval through multiple sex partners) <hr></blockquote><p>Yep, sounds like you described our OW to a "T" too. The sad part, I think, in our case was that she didn't meet her father until late in life (she is an oc herself) and she made up her mind that our OC was going to have our last name so that didn't happen to her child and she's repeating her childhood demons. She is to be pitied. And it still didn't change my H's mind or mine about her sad little life...I have a few war stories to tell about my own life, yet I rose above it and still tried to have a decent life without getting involved with married men. <p>Julia, I have been praying for you. I am thinking of you and I will e-mail you shortly. I miss e-mailing ya and want to touch base!<p>Hang in there, stay and fight the good fight. I bet when you went to CA it made OW happy and she thought that she had a chance, but with you being home with your H and bringing him lunch etc. I think her little world is getting busted in a big time way.<p>I think your H need to tell his Sgt. and His Capt. what's going on as so that it doesn't affect his job. My H's rank knows what's going on and help him when OW should try to call or bug him again at work. That way your H's job isn't going to be affected. The antics of the OW can affect your H's job, his safety as well as the safety of the other officers if one man's mind isn't on the job and has to do some backup and someone gets hurt because of somebody.<p>My H's rank (Sgt. Lt's and Capts) know that this is a case of sour grapes on OW's part so they take whatever she tells them with a grain of salt.<p>Was it humiliating to have to tell them for my H? Yes it was, but it protected him on the job, protected H himself from having to deal with ow if she shows up where he is working and it protects me. Although it makes it harder for me to call H at work, (OW pretended to be me to get to him) I would rather him call me back if he's not sure it's me.<p>I hope your H protects his job and start letting his rank know so that they can work with you and your H to protect you. (even if some of the other cops know and didn't say anything to H about telling you...I have a bone to pick with some of my H's co-workers too)<p>I love ya, hang in there and I hope we get to chat soon....want to set up a time to chat?<p>Hugs,
Twiisty<p>Wish I could go with you to meet catnip...that would be fun! I would love to meet many of you wonderfuls that are here on the board!
WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong>if it is a big, huge lovebuster for you to be posting, maybe you should cut back as part of your Plan A. You will be all right. God will see to it.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>NO, NO, NO, EMPHATICALLY NO! Do NOT cut back on this site regardless of whether or not it is a LB. This is a life line...right now your ONLY life line. Almost all husbands eventually accept this 'therapy' and come tom realize the advantage of having a place to come to vent and ultimately heal...not to mention the big added bonus of less angst in their lives, because it is all dumped here.<p>Post. Post long, lengthy posts and do not apologize for the length of the post. It is the ONLY way for you to get it out. Once it is written (power in the printed word) you are able to digest it and come to the decisions and conclusions best for you.<p>Whoooo-lia...you know where I live, work and my phone number. Bipolar Bear agreed to meet with your husband.<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=

The latest... this morning when i picked my h up from work, his cell phone rings...it was his cop friend who works in a suburb of Minneapolis. He told h that ow called him and told him everything. This close friend of my h didn't even know anything about the oc, only the affair. I didn't want it to get out like this obviously, but ow made sure that she sticks out in everyone's mind, even our close friends. She knew of this friend because my h mentioned him in conversation to her (back in the day) and told her what police dept. he worked for... she then contacted the dept asked for his name and they put her through... i can't believe she would do that. My h can't believe it either, but of course, i am more upset than he. He gets over it in 5 minutes, but i am depressed all day about it.<p>My h's friend said that ow tried convincing him to talk h into having more of a relationship with his child and doing what is right for the child. Friend told her that whatever he decides, he will support him because they are friends. This friend told h that he could see what she was trying to do.<p>i don't even know if what i am writing makes sense, hopefully it does. Basically she is just trying to bring about more pain for everyone, being sly, malicious, manipulative and just outright evil.<p>have i mentioned how much i hate her?<p>anyway, thanks for listening.
julia<p>[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

Okay catnip,
I agree with you--to a point--computers crash, servers crash, upgrades happen, people sometimes can be there for you, sometimes cannot, etc. This site doesn't crash often, but it does happen and when/if that does happen and for some reason the poster cannot gain access to their "lifeline" there better be a backup plan.<p>My point being that God shouldn't be the "backup plan" He should be the first one we run to in our times of trouble. He's the one who really knows what's going on--individually and collectively.

One of my favorite preachers has a saying, "Don't run to the phone, run to the throne." It's funny but there is a whole lot of wisdom in that statement...

Julia,<p>I hope you're feeling better today. exOW pulled that crap with us too. She also called H mother and had her friends call his mother twice trying to convince her to see OC. H mother took the same stand as your H friend; she's supporting my H no matter what he decides. These women are pitiful and pathetic and they have no self-esteem. <p>They all want to be the victims. It's like screw our families and us. They only care about themselves and their children. But we are supposed to be bigger and think about the OC well being. I for one can careless anymore. I'm a mother of 3 children and it's my responsibility to think about my children well being. To include or exclude OC it's my choice and decision because I didn't ask for this. These women have to realize the term single mother wouldn't exist if having a baby means you get the man. Good luck and keep praying for strength.<p>
Unsure

This site was divinely inspired by God for our use...to get us through this worst possible time in our lives.<p>That's my story, and I am sticking to it.<p>Catnip =^^=