...I'm getting there. <p>With the holidays coming up, I knew some triggers would be setting in. My h has purchased xmas gifts for oc and I helped him wrap and ship them! (If left to his own devices, my h would have them here til next xmas.) I used to go to the store and help pick things out, but not this time. Maybe next time. What would ow do if she knew how involved I am with my step-daughter?! And by not gloating, I know I'm maturing. For those of you out there trying to deal similar situations, you understand how big a step this is. <p>OC and ow live in another country. Shipping fees for gifts cost as much if not more than the total cost of everything he purchases. Oh well. I'm glad she's thousands of miles away with an ocean between us. Who knows what would happen if she were here.<p>It takes alot for me not to get upset with him. The cost to ship everything could help around my house. But I remind myself, it's for the child...it's for the child. <p>Thanks for listening guys. And Happy Holidays!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Wow! your are stonger than I would ever be. My Ow and Oc are about 3 miles away from my in-laws and we have no contact and this I thought was hard. You are a HUUUGGE heart lady and I take my hat off too you. <p>I wonder if your situation would be different if OW and OC were closer. Well I don't want to bring you down. <p>Like I sad I sit in front of my computer typing in amazement of how you are handling your situation, I could not do it. I will pray and send you all the positive energy I have to support you and your H decision of how to incorporat the OW and OC into your lives.<p>Simplysad.

Yes, you are very strong. You are also very fortunate to live so far away from oc, ow. I am trying to persuade my h to move away with me, but it is like pulling teeth... i hate the thought of living so close to ow,oc. <p>If i were shipping those gifts, i would have volunteered to drop them off at the post office and sent them somewhere else...to like a children's home or something. So long as i am married to h, i will probably never allow him to send gifts, i think the cs cost will be enough for the child for every December for the next 18 years. I am bitter, i know, but i am still pretty new to all this.<p>Hang in there, God is obviously giving you an abundance of grace, patience and strength.<p>Julia

strawberry,
good for you! I can relate. We're also long distance. This year, I did the shopping, H did the wrapping, I sealed it up and H took it to PO to send to OC. This is what WE agreed to do and I don't much care what XOW thinks.

Good for you, Strwbryncrm. I am glad that's done and over. <p>Now get on with the holidays together and push the thought from your mind.<p>You are always gonna have triggers. Share em with us when things get too difficult.<p>Prayers to you.<p>love
Debi

Well, tomorrow's the big day (other than b-day). Either my h or ow will be calling to wish oc a merry x-mas. I resent the fact that I dread such a happy occasion which comes once a year due to all this grief. Her b-day is another major holiday too. But I know what you guys will say. If I let her/them take my joy away, then she's "won". I left the house the last time they made a "holiday" call, but I won't this time. I want to be around. I'll tell him to tell her and oc that I and our kids say hello, and hope he remembers to keep the conversation quick and to the point. They were "close friends" and like to catch up on things other than oc. I let him know how uncomfortable it makes me. He thinks I over react, that nothing's going on, but that's another story. It's been a almost 4 yrs and we're still trying to set reasonable boundaries.<p>I won't take up too much more of everyone's time. I just want to wish everyone A Merry Christmas and A Joyous New Year!!!

I am sorry this time is difficult for you.<p>For us, we will pick up oc in the morning and oc will be with us for about 36 hours. We only have to deal with exOW when we pick up oc and she picks him up Wed. <p>I hope the phone call is short and to the point and not too painful.<p>Merry Christmas!

Thanks tryin. I hope so too. Don't even want to bring it up, but I'll let you know how it goes.