Something that Gem wrote in another thread has me thinking also...
Being a cop, my H is in a dangerous profession. God forbid if something happens to him. I pray for his protection every time he leaves the door.<p>My question is this...if God forbid, my H should meet an untimely demise...what does OC get? Does OC get part of his social security? Does OW get to badger for any of his insurance? What steps can we do now in regards to a will to protect our assets and such for the four children and myself of the home. I refuse to use all my money left to me to fight OW in court for her to try to steal anything.<p>I already told H that at his funeral, some of his police buddies are going to make money that day because they will be working security to keep OW out of the room. OC may be allowed to come in, but OW will not be allowed.<p>What can we do to protect ourselves, now and in the future??? I don't want anything to happen to my H, but I want to be prepared for all angles.<p>I would like to know what y'all did...<p>Gem, what did you do and what were you advised as far as making out your will???<p>Just curious,
Twiisty

Twiisty,<p>My H and I handled it like this:
the OC is disinherited in our will. The will stipulates who get's what of our posessions such as the house, valuables etc and she's won't receive anything from our joint estate.
Check your state laws to see if you can legally disinherit the OC.
We weren't total a@@eS about it though...in the will, it stipulates that she will be entitled to the proceeds from a seperate insurance policy. Not that the will can superceed a policy in a court of law, but we thought best to at least mention it in the will. You see, whoever is the beneficiary of the policy receives the money point blank.
The way it reads, my Brother in law would be the custodian of the proceeds from the policy until she is of age.<p>The best thing to do is
1. Check with a lawyer about the rules of disinheritance in your state.
2. Prepare your will and have a lawyer review it if you can't afford to hire a lawyer to do the whole thing
3. Make sure you are the sole beneficiary of all policies and make sure you've named custodians of proceeds from the policies if you both go (God forbid). In other words, if you both die, make sure your children's future is protected.<p>4. If you and your H desire to leave money aside for continuing cs then think about a separate policy for the OC and think about someone that could serve as the custodian other than yourself.<p>Good luck....don't sleep on this, it's very important!

Twiisty,<p>I'm glad you posted this topic the innfo I just received from Matt. was great. I though OC would just get a part of H SS money. I'm now going to make sure my children are heirs of all H and I assets. If H wants to pay for a seperate insurance policy for OC than that's his choice I'll let him decide. But I am going to make sure my children are protected.<p>Good Luck<p>Tee

twisty,
Matthew already gave you a great rundown but here was what I had saved to tell you. My H being active duty military, we've thought about it too. <p>Check on your (or XOW's, if different) state. In some states, the ch-support must continue even if the man dies, such that he has to basically provide a life insurance policy JUST for the OC. In our OC's state, however, H has no legal obligation after death, although I suppose XOW could sue his "estate" (me) if she wanted to pursue it. <p>Others on this board have talked about needing to legally state the OC in the will so that no one could come back later saying the OC was left out on "accident", as in "H leaves OC nothing," or whatever amount was decided upon.<p>Hope this helps and that you protect yourself legally.<p>J

Unsure,
you bring up an important base I forgot to cover. My h is x-active duty army and is currently a reservist. I'm not sure where the OC would stand when it comes to the military benefits, but I'll research and find out to make sure we're protected there as well. If you or anyone else on the site are military, some direction would be great!!

Matthew,
We think since our OC is not listed as a military dependent, there isn't any "hold" there, but if she were listed as a dependent, she'd be entitled to all the same benefits as our kids and I, everything from medical to, presumably, free legal(?!) and a portion of the death benefit if he were killed. However, we haven't checked it out yet with Legal; we are waiting for the statute of limitations to run out so that no one in (military) authority can decide to persecute H for adultery.

Dear ones: THANKS for this topic. I wonder; if paternity has NEVER been established, there has been no support demanded or paid, can EOW turn around and change her mind? I'm sort of in mother bear mode because I'm 30 weeks pregnant with our own son (major miracle) and I'm feeling pretty vulnerable. Like many of you, EOW insists that H have contact with her and OC and completely exclude me. He will not and has never gone along with this, so we're at a stalemate. H says he believes her lack of action is due to the fear that we will sue for shared custody.
What kind of advice might you have for a BS mother-to be? I want to protect our child from any claims after H's death (hopefully not for a LOOOONG time). Also, I want to protect my stepson who is 23 (he knows nothing of this)<p>THANKS
Liisa

Jenny,
Thanks. I find it hard to understand the military laws. I don't know where federal/state law ends and military law begins. I wish there were a JAG office here.<p>To Trying,
Yes....she can come back. Not sure if there is a statute of limitations, but why chance it?
The way I see it is, for you and your H's interest you'd best figure out how to provide child support whether she wants it or not. That's what my H and I had to do. That was the only way we could get the system to work on our behalf since we decided to pursue visitation. We wanted visitation to be as drama-free as possible, and knew we had to pay up. In your situation, it looks like there's no contact yet?
Well, regardless of contact or not, if the OC is yoru H's then he is legally liable for financial support (sorry, didn't mean to kick you when you're down). BUT, what that also means is that once you begin child support, that's all he's legally liable for (unless your state or the baby's state does not allow disinheritance). That means, cs is it, no inheritence, no policy proceeds, no nothing.
Think about it. I know many people on this board have found some creative ways to limit the amount of legal cs the ow and oc would get. We didn't have many options because we had no children and even if we did, we both make enough to where she would literally clean house.
I digress....
Check into cs to find out how much it would be. Talk it over w/ your husband and determine if you want to pursue and fulfill what may be the only legal obligation to the child. THEN, protect yourself and your babies with a will and the insurance policies. That way, she wouldn't have a leg to stand on in court. Or even if she did...it would be shaky.

Thanks SO much for the feedback.. Unfortunately, DH really does not seem willing to acknowledge the very real threat of lurking cs. I have been really afraid that she has been lying in wait and planning to spring this as close to the birth of our baby as possible in order to disrupt and hurt us the most...<p>The attorney we consulted just after the birth (DH's name is NOT on birth certificate, nothing paid) advised us to wait DO NOTHING, especially put NOTHING in writing (hence zero no-contact letter) and let her make the first move; he added that, the longer she waits, the worse it will look to the court. Being a lawyer's daughter, neice, sister and ex-wife, I find this difficult to digest---I thought this was a rather automatic payment schedule based on income..<p>I truly do NOT begrudge the OC support; it's just that she will only accept DH and is absolutely devoted to excluding and disrespecting the marriage. I could even go along with that and allow visitation just by DH but HE WILL NOT DO IT because he says he knows that it's only the beginning of an iceberg of scenes..<p>Whew. You've given me plenty to think about. I'm not due until end February, I will talk to
DH at new year about consulting with attorney again. EOX and OC have left same employer as DH (yes, she was bringing him in EVERY DAY!), sold her house and moved from Oregon to Texas, all without a word since he got her supervisor to sign a "no contact" clause in the workplace due to her harassment of DH.<p>PHEW
THANKS AGAIN and Merry Xmas
Liisa in Ashland Oregon

Hey Twiisty, here in ohio as long as we mentioned oc in will ow cannot get a thing. It's all for our son and DIL and future grandchild.<p>It protects our estate and all assets we've accumulated together.<p>If we both die it goes directly to our son.<p>Verbatum words of will:<p>I have not provided for my son OC NAME, for lack of love and affection but because he is otherwise financially independent and/or because he did not provide for or comfort me in my hours of need.<p>That's it!<p>Remember all of you NOTHING including paternity has been established through the courts. Indeed the longer she waits the harder it'll be...especially since she's still married and as far as the law her H is dad. C Has her h's last name too.<p>Hope it helped.<p>love
Debi

trying,
The lawyer was probably saying that Oregon is one of the states where XOW cannot sue for back ch-support, so the longer H ignores it, the better for him. <p>However, if XOW moved to Texas, you/he needs to check on Texas law, because that's where she would file. Please protect yourselves financially. Some couples have been RUINED by being hit with back ch-support years after the fact. <p>You can also find out state law re: if your H dies, how he can insure all possessions go to you. Don't let him bury his head in the sand over this!<p>And good luck on your coming birth. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Matthew,
I forgot to tell you H found the JAG info on the internet! But I don't know if you'd find it on a general search, and it might vary by branch of service?

Thanks Jenny,<p>I'll see if there's anything relating to our topic on the site.<p>M

Dear sisters in experience: THANKS so much for your advice! I will certainly bring this up to DH right after the new Year and will definitely make an appointment with attorney. I wonder if anyone has a URL for TEXAS law regarding child support? (remember, paternity has never been established and the EOW is completely beserk about keeping ME out of the shared custody picture)... I am sure hoping that no laws will support her in continuing to try to punish and manipulate DH after the fact. It's so clear to us both that NOTHING about this is for the OC; it's all about HER.<p>ox
Liis

Well...I found out from a lawyer friend of ours that when H dies, I get half and then it is divvied out EQUALLY amongst our three children (OC, DD and DS)...if my two girls from a previous marriage gets anything, then it can be willed to them, but we cannot disinherit OC or anything...this is *IF* H dies before OC turns 21.
The long range consequences of this is tearing me up. I know the OC is innocent, but now that is a percentage taken away from MY babies. My babies.<p>*IF* he passes after the magical 21 mark, then we can do whatever we want...I guess this is the state's way of saying,"we don't want the kid on welfare...let the widow and her legitimate children pay for H's and OW's mistake".<p>I am tired of paying for my H's mistake and my H has the nerve to be mad at me for even being concerned about things being taken away from my children. I know OC is innocent and didn't ask to be born, but my children were legitimately born and I resent not having that choice either.<p>I am glad I can vent here as this is really tearing me up...but then again...what's a percentage of our assets anyway??? A percentage of my house goes to OC...what the H*ll...no problem....it's just *things*....money means nothing and after she gets her cut, it's really over, right? No more OC to worry about. I guess it will teach my children that even if you do screw up, the state makes sure that everyone is taken care of *FAIRLY* and that actions really do reward you at times.<p>I know when I calm down, that in the end, it really won't matter. So what if OC gets a small percentage? She didn't ask to be born. Plus I guess it's monetary compensation for my H not being involved in her life. My H signed away his rights to her as much as he can under our law here in Louisiana...we still pay CS pending if OC gets adopted out or not... He wanted to adopt her out from the beginning...but OW (which I understand...it is her child) didn't want to do and spent two years trying to *force* my H to be a part of their lives. (didn't work) H couldn't tell me while I was pregnant for fear of Miscarriage. I was pregnant back to back with three children and lost one during those two years.<p>I keep praying for justice. I have to trust God to avenge me, because the way I feel now, there would be two less people in this world and four children without a mama because she would be rotting in jail right now. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I never asked for this. I am tired of finding out things like this which rips the scab off of our healing wound. I know this takes time. But, God.....it is painful. I never asked for this and truth be told, I never asked to be born either...but here I am...God must have a good purpose and plan for my life for Him to allow so much pain into my life... I have dealt with rejection issues too and other things in my life and this OW/OC thing is just one more straw in my life to break the camel's back.<p>I will survive...I will be stronger...I will go on even despite this unexpected news...I will believe for a healed and restored marriage in 2002. I will believe for OW to be happily married in 2002 (she's engaged!) and I pray, that if the Lord would be so kind that Fiance-man would adopt the OC...not because we don't want to pay our obligation...but because that child deserves to have two loving parents in a home. <p>I am believing for better finances so that we can fix the plumbing in our house...we have a giant hole in the floor of our bathroom, due to leaky pipes and the money that was earmarked to fix that went to our dear Atty. to defend us legally.
I am believing that the Lord will protect my status as stay at home mom so my DD and DS will know the security of mama being at home. It's a sacrifice. We don't live high on the hog. In fact, it is by the grace of God that we are making it and with money left over for a case of coke here and there....<p>anyways, I'm calmer now and thanks for letting me ramble.<p>Hugs to y'all.....
Twiisty

Twiisty,<p>I'm sorry your state sucks when it comes to the inheritance thing. I agree, it's yet another slap in the face. I mean, how many times do you have to alternate the same cheeks before you want to slap the offending person back???<p>Did you guys ever consider moving? What would happen if you moved to a state where the parents control the inheritance via a will? Would the laws of that state supercede the laws of the state OC is in?<p>Lawyers have the tendency to quote law....not find solutions. That takes either deep pockets from their clients, or their clients doing a lot of the leg work up front.<p>Keep looking for answers. Not particularly for this issue, but others. There are answers there...figure out how to make the situation work for you. (Enough Oprah talk).<p>Truly, Twiisty. I'm sorry. And having walked the same mile you're walking now I know there's no way to console you right now. {{{{{{{Twiisty)))))) (hugs).

Ok Good topic.<p>If my H passes away before the child is 18yrs of age (which in my state of CA is the end of Child support), will I as the wife would have to continue paying child support until the OC is 18yrs.<p>Anyone out there in California who has dealt with this issue? I will try to do some research. I never thought of this. I know that my H name is not on the birth certificate. But I wonder what is our obligation since we are the wives??

Here are a couple of things y'all need to check with your attorneys about:<p>First of all, our vehicles are listed in our names as Lord Clueless OR Lady Clueless, which means that if one of us dies, the other is automatically the owner of those vehicles.<p>Our home and business property belong to us jointly, with rights of survivorship. This also means that if one of us dies, the other is automatically the owner of the property. This is true for both real estate and vehicles even if there is no will specifically leaving everything to me.<p>The same applies to our bank accounts.<p>Another thing you might consider is putting all your assets in your name. My BF's WS signed a quit-claim deep signing their house over to her to prove that he was committed to their marriage. Unfortunately, he was a cakeman and eventually got caught again, and she ended the marriage. He sued to try to overthrow the quit-claim deed, but the judge threw it out, and she kept the house. Of course, the fact that he had never paid the first dime on the house was probably a big factor in the judge's decision.<p>Another thing that might be considered is putting assets in your children's names, with you or another trusted individual (maybe your parents) being the guardian of those assets. You can give each child $10,000 per year in assets without incurring a gift tax.<p>These are just some ideas that may or may not work, depending on the state you live in. Check them out with your attorney.<p>If paternity has been established, the child would qualify for SS payments, which should replace at least part of the child support payments. I don't think this will diminish your own children's benefits.<p>Another thing you might consider is redoing your method of paying for assets so as to show that YOU are one who is paying for things. This is probably not feasible for SAHMs, but if you work outside the home, you might consider opening your own bank account and making house/car payments out of that while your H takes care of other bills. This would boost your claim, if needed, that your are the owner of said assets. Any future purchase should be made in your name only. Again, this may not work in community property states. Check with your attorneys.