Well I cried alot last night. I had the why me's. <p>I did not go to court, because I could not take the idea of being anywhere near OW. Well he called me several times from court while he waited to see mediator. When the saw mediator I guess as he put was decent enought to ask for child care coverage only plus a few extra bucks. So we went from 774.00 to 400.00 a month. 340 for child care and a extra 60.00. OW did not push for visitation and told him when his ready or if ready he knew where they are. I just want this door close. But by what she said it's seem she wants to keep it open. He did say he has no intention to visit and just have to pay. But he did say if down the road or what ever that if he had any desire to see the child in a nueral area that he hope I supported him. He said it would definetely never be a family thing where he would bring child into or introduce to all the family. The only one's that know is his parents and that it will always stay that way. I dont know I am all mixed up. I know if that day ever came I do not want to be in the way but if it happens I defintely what ot be there. I do not ever whathim again alone with either the OW or OC. <p>I am feeling relief that its over for now there is some closure, but I am afraid of the future. I am a ball of nerves. Any advice.<p>simplysad

Simply I want to say I'm glad cs is reasonable (?) To me it's never reasonable after what these ow do. Oops! sorry.<p>You must continue to try to live your life as if all is wonderful and not to worry too very much I'm sure at one point or the other we worry about visits. Don't. Just be a loving wife and let God take care of the rest.<p>BTW you're doing fine honey...just fine.
Prayers.
Debi

THANKS FOR YOUR KIND REPLY GEMINI 1. <p>WELL, WE TALKED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES HE MAY WANT TO SEE THE CHILD IN THE FUTURE. I TOLD HIM AS LONG AS I WAS INVOLVED AND NOTHING WAS BEING DONE BEHIND MY BACK. HE AGREED. <p>OK I HAVE TO BLOW OUT SOME STEAM, PLEASE READ ME OUT. MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE OW'S AND PAYING CS ARE AS FOLLOWS: THESE OW KNOWING THEY ARE A SIDE DISH AND NOT THE FULL MEAL, DECIDE ON THEIR OWN TO GET PREGNANT. AFTER ANNOUNCING TO, WELL MY H OF THIS HE INFORMS HER ITS NOT THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP AND WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH A C WITH HER. SHE GOES ON HER OWN DECISION TO HAVE THIS CHILD. SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE THESE OW' GET THE IDEA THAT THEY MAKE ALL THE DECISION, SPREAD DISASTER AND NOW ALL THE PEOPLE THAT DID NOT MAKE THESE DECISIONS PAY FOR IT. FORCE PEOPLE TO BE IN POSITION THAT DID NOT WANT AND THEN THINK PEOPLE ARE BEING MEAN TO THEM WHEN THINGS JUST DON'T FALL PERFECTLY FOR THEM. <p>TO ME IF THEY MAKE ALL THE DECISION, THEY SHOULD DEAL WITH ALL THAT COME FROM MAKING THAT DECISION. THEY DECIDE TO BECOME SINGLE MOTHERS, THE SUPPORT YOU CHILD AS A SINGLE MOTHER FIANACIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. <p>I KNOW WHEN THE DAY COMES FROM THIS OC ABOUT WHY, THEY WILL GET THE TRUTH. FIRST YOUR MOTHER MESS AROUND WITH A MARRIED MAN. WHEN SHE COULD NOT TEAR HIM FROM HIS FAMILY ON HER OWN, SHE BECAME PREGNANT THINKING THAT USING YOU AS A TOOL WOULD GET THE MARRIED MAN. WHEN THAT DID NOT HAPPEN, THEN SHE USED HER PREGNANCY TO GET A CHECK, SO INSTEAD OF ASKING US WHY ASK HER WHY. WHY SHE GAVE YOU A LIFE OF LONLINESS AND FATHERLESS. WE FELT SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MOTHER DID TO YOU, BUT IT WASN'T OUR DECISION IT WAS HER'S. WE FELT INSTEAD OF HAVING A WISHY WASHY IN AN OUT FATHER IN YOUR LIFE WE WOULD STAY OUT. WE HOPE YOUR MOTHER MOVED ON WITH HER LIFE AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WANTED TO BECOME A FATHER, BECAUSE YOU FORCED BIOLOGICAL FATHER DID NOT WANT KIDS AND YOUR MOTHER KNEW THIS FACT. WE SORRY BUT THAT IS WHAT YOUR MOTHER DEALT FOR YOU AND HERSELF AND TRIED TO FORCE US INTO TO HER TRAP.<p>I THIS SEEMS HARSH, BUT THE TRUTH HURTS. IT HURT WHEN WE FOUND OUT. THIS IS WHAT THESE OW'S DO CAUSE MEHEM, TURMOIL AND JUST PLAN UGLINESS.<p>I FEEL GOOD GET THAT OFF MY CHEST. I JUST CAN'T STAND STUPID CONTROLLING PEOPLE. I WILL TRY TO GET WHAT I WANT NO MATTER WHO IT HURTS EVEN MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.<p>I KNOW I AM ANGRY AT MY OW THAT H BROUGHT INTO OUR LIVES, BUT ITS THE TRUTH.<p>DO ANYONE ELSE FEEL THE SAME? AND FOR THOSE HAVING NO CONTACT, HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THE DAY IF THE OC SEEKS YOU OUT AND ASK WHY WHAT ARE YOU GOIMG TO SAY?<p>IWILL ALSO POST AS A NEW POST TO GET OPINONS.<p>THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR EYES AND EARS.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>DO ANYONE ELSE FEEL THE SAME? AND FOR THOSE HAVING NO CONTACT, HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THE DAY IF THE OC SEEKS YOU OUT AND ASK WHY WHAT ARE YOU GOIMG TO SAY?<hr></blockquote><p>Dear SimplySad,
Once in a while H and I discuss this. Not too often lately as in the beginning. H has said if C comes and is disrespectful and full of anger he will tell C to listen before you judge. Who knows if the planned speech will come out?<p>H plans to say C was conceived in the wrong way. H disrespected ow H and me in having that happen. Not to mention C's 1/2 siblings and all of our families. That we tried a visit and from that day on things went sour. We have letters to prove what H and I wished from lawyer to lawyer. (we have ow hateful letters to me and to H but it's unnecessary to show them at this point). We will explain how because of all the constant upheaval our families couldn't move on a day w/o pain or anger. That is IF C ever comes. Ow may move to another state and stay w her h. Then C will have a dad for all intent and purpose.<p>Ow H is a gentle man. He has been seen around town w/other c's and oc and his W, ow. I know because C looks like their middle D and shares their last name will make it easier for him. It must be hard for him. We had phone calls up till her h came back to town. Now silence. Maybe they are trying again. I don't know. Ow still told h she'd do anything for him...and wait for him to wake up. He will someday see how boring and old I am and then he'll realize he could have had an exciting life w/her. <p>That proved to be more than I could handle. I let H know he could set up visits, it was up to him, but I'd be off and on my own as bad as it would hurt. Nothing could hurt more than what has happened and God will see over me. I just would not be comfortable w/ow in the constant mix. No matter how uninvolved it may seem. It presented to me having my old friend (?) along for the ride of the rest of my life. <p>The A was over. The C made the A stay alive for ow as she kept a piece of H.<p>I married at 20. We have shared almost 28 years. Never once did it include a c from the past, for either of us. It may or may not be hard on H. Look how hard it was for me. <p>With our relationship now exclusive to each other again we are able to spend days as before.<p>Holiday traditions are the same. It would never be the same for me w/another womans c around. I've prayed about this and am ok with our decision.<p>As for why ow keep baby. I don't know. Ow here was married and still is. I just don't get it and probably never will.<p>I thought if it were me one day. I would be sadly reminded of an affair a lot of the time. I would snap into reality realizing what I have done to my C and why bio dad isn't around. Just because a c exists doesn't guarantee a dad around. It's been that way forever. Even c's of marriage sometimes do not have bio dad around, you know?<p>SS I hope this helped.<p>love
Debi

simplysad, ihave some questions i would like to ask you if i may about your h's cs. they may be kind of personal so if you feel it appropriate and like you may be able to help you can e-mail me at dadseight@aol.com and i will ask them to you. if you don't feel like answering them once you hear them that will be ok i completely understand. <p>tahnks, pops