Happy Holidays to all! I can't believe I am finding myself back at this computer again so that I can feel connected again. My husband is watching T.V., my children are out with friends, and all I want to do is get on this website. Is that normal? It just gives me such comfort to get on here and know that others are making it through the same devasting changes that I am. I am also amazed at the strength of character and spirit continually displayed on these boards. Mostly though, the love and compassion evidenced here is overwhelming. You people are great!
I know not all of our details are identical, but I honestly feel like I not alone when I enter here. <p>We received the results to the paternity test last week and every spare minute I think about this. I fluctuate between thinking about the OC and how we should proceed, to dwelling on the WHY and HOW?!!! Why did he do it and how could he have done this! Will I ever stop asking myself those questions? Will I ever be secure in my marriage again?<p>My husband has written the OW to ask what her expectations are and to let her know that I know about everything. (The affair occured 10 years ago and this is the first contact he has had with her since the OC was born.) <p>Please keep us in your prayers. I so want to remain in God's will, but sometimes it is so difficult to know what that is.<p>It's funny, I have so many thoughts running around in my head all day, then I get on here and I don't know how to express them all. <p>Anyway, my prayers and thoughts are with each of you. I so wish I could find a way to help each of you as you are helping me. <p>Merry Christmas and praise God for sending our Savior!

I just wanted you to kow you're in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you found this site it's helped us all.<p>Unsure

Dear posey,<p>The joy of this website is that it gives you such comfort to know that other people are going through this problem. Too often this is a problem that some of us feel embarrassed to share with friends and family. That is certainly my case. MB has given me a place to say the things on my mind to people who understand the emotional rollercoaster that the OC/OW situation takes you on.<p>Every one has a different approach to this problem. But, I can tell you that in my case, my H and I came very close to splitting over this issue. It took a great deal of effort on both our parts but we made it through and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been.<p>Albeit, our marriage is different. I used to believe that we were like fairytale characters and we had the "perfect" love. I now know that life, real life, is never perfect. Mistakes are made. And, the real test of marriage is to deal with the not so perfect things that happen along with the perfect things.<p>You will be tested beyond all endurance with this issue. OC/OWs bring up so many questions about the foundation of marriage and trust. And, you will need a lot of extra reassurance to help rebuild trust. But it can happen. It happened for me. <p>I encourage you to read as much as you can about affairs and relationships. This will help you get in touch with your own feelings and help you forgive your H. Read the publications from Dr. Harley here on MB and adopt his principles. They truly set the foundation for a better marriage.<p>There are so many wonderful people here to help you. Don't feel alone in your pain and come here as often as necessary to find comfort. I will keep you in my prayers.<p>love,
heavenly

Dear Heavenly,<p>Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. It helps so much to know that a marriage can survive and even flourish after this kind of traumatic experience. <p>You are so right about not having anyone to talk to about this. My mother, brother, and sister are the only family members that know, but I wish they didn't. They don't know how to console me, they can't relate, and it has made me feel like they examine our every move when we're together as if they can determine if our marriage will make it. I hate being under a microscope. <p>I think they wonder how I can possibly stay with him through this...but then sometimes I wonder myself. <p>I am intending to delve into the MB information, in fact my husband and I are considering attending a marriage conference they are conducting in our area. I have also been reading books on affairs and going to various websites to try to understand why this has all happened. Does anyone know of a book that I can give my husband that will help him understand the situation from my point of view? <p>Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to respond. Your words were very encouraging.

posey, unfortunately there are no books that I know of that deal with an oc created during an affair.<p>Like Heavenly said the marrage may survive but be different forever.<p>Maybe Cinderella had a Prince Charming, lived happily ever after, but alas it's a fairytale.<p>I compare what happened to us as what happened to Snow White when the witch (ow) gave her the poison apple to eat. (OC). Then the Prince saved her with his kiss and the poison fell from her lips. (Prince = remorseful husband willing to step up to the plate to make OUR lives together wonderful again after realizing the grave mistake they made. Sacrificing for once, his own feelings about oc for what we can best deal with, if at all).<p>God isn't about fairytales and if you pray and it is to be, you will become one again and work it through together. Sometimes God has another plan for us. If you trust HIM, He will see you through with the help of friends and counselors and family.<p>Bless you posey. Prayers to you today.<p>Love
Debi