Jessica,
Wow! I dont know how to respond to that [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . I hope you have some time because my story could get lengthy...tehe.<p>H and I will be married 7 years in April. We have no children of our own. We were told last June that we will have a hard time conceiving and will probably need medical assistance. This difficulty was apparently due to h and his previous drug use and diabetes. Doctors evidently do not know everything!<p>D-day was Nov. 28, 2000. I was on my way to work and found an anonymous type written note revealing the pregnancy and the affair. To this day, we know exOW was the author, but she denies it.<p>Affair was shortlived from approx. Feb-May 2000. H said he "woke up" at some point and said "What the hell am I doing?" He admitted everything and answered all my questions.<p>I was always one who said "If ever..." Well so much for what I thought I would do. He had no contact with exOW except when she called complaining of hospital visits prior to the birth.<p>The most difficult part was the oc. I was so angry with God, because I knew He created this life and we had been trying to conceive for years. He sleeps with this exow maybe a dozen times and here is oc. I could not understand how He could be so cruel. I still dont know why this all is, but I now believe we will have our baby. It is just a matter of time and His plan.<p>OC was born Feb of 2001. H was at the hospital for the birth but not in the room. I was there most of the time except when I was at work. Labor was about 26 hours. DNA was done within the month, but I knew when I saw him at 2 hours old in the nursery. He looks just like his father!<p>Visitation was always my decision. H never forced any of it on me. In fact, I was the one who sorta forced it on him. He was real reluctant and inconsistent the first couple months. I just knew that he needed to be involved. We started paying cs right away. We sat down...all of us...and agreed upon visitation and cs.<p>Exow tried writing letters, emails, and few phone calls to keep contact with h. H immediately shared them with me and would just not respond to her. It took her about 6 months before she realized that I was here to stay and h was a father to their son and that would be it.<p>She moved out of the area, still not too far (within 45 min.) around halloween. I think it was for her own sanity. She worked in the same dept. as h and everyone knew of the situation. She got alot of crap from her coworkers...they work with sheriff's dept. He's a deputy, she is a nurse.<p>She has since quit her job and works where she lives.<p>Things have not been easy. I pray ALOT!!! That has been my strength. I also have a great mother-in-law who has allowed me to vent about her wayward son without judging me or defending him.<p>I do often wait for the other shoe to drop when things get "too quiet", but I have to keep it all in perspective. Compared to others on this board, I have been blessed. Oc is an absolute beauty. I asked when h when oc was born, why he couldnt have had three eyes or big ears, or be ugly, but he was a beautiful, beautiful boy. <p>My h is trying but not as hard as I would like at times. He does allow me to have bad days and one time he even prayed aloud for me when I was having a bad day. And we were at a restaurant!<p>I hope my story has helped. There is much more baggage to this story, apt collapse Sept 2000, lost everything we owned. Drug abuse by h, loss of our business, move across country. There just isnt enough time to go there. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Just hang in there. It does get better.
