<p>[ February 14, 2002: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

What is with cops? They really are dense sometimes. I am sorry that you are married to cop also...I feel your pain...maybe not your foot pain. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I wish I had words of wisdom. I do not understand why men continue to lie when they are so bad at it. You would think that once you get caught...once, twice, a thousand times, you would try telling the truth.<p>My h found these really good screens that you can put over the hole and add spackle. We didnt even get charged for the whole when we moved out of that apt. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Tryin,<p> [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I knowwwww... Cops need a lot, a lot, a lot a lot of the Character of the Lord before they should venture out and be cops.<p>I remember telling my h before we were married, when we were just college students that statistically cops are infamous for adultery and abuse... he just said, they aren't all like that! Well, he sure didn't hesitate to become a statistic. Oh well. Just keep tryin - i guess.<p>Thanks for the spackle tip, i will pass it on to h.<p>Julia

Hi,<p>I'm new here and am still learning how to post on this board. I have been reading these postings since my own Dday 11/4/01. I guess I feel an instant bond with you because I, too, am married to a cop. <p>My story is quite similiar, I guess, to many of you here, except names and faces are different. We all seem to share similiar emotions and circumstances to a certain degree.
On Nov 4 my H told me that he had an affair during the summer of 98 and three other "romantic encounters". He met these women through his work. His affair lasted from spring to fall and the other encounters were also during that period of time. He says that they were never emotional just physical. The affair ended because OW began demanding more time and he didn't want to give it for fear of other finding out. <p>Since Dday I have felt devastated. My husband and I have very different backgrounds. I was a virgin when we met and he was far from it. (He also has a child from a previous sexual relationship.) I always felt that with the Lord in our life and loving each other we could conquer all. During that summer his vanity and selfishness took him far, far from the Lord--even to doubt his faith. Even though I continued to want those qualities that the Lord has set forth, I wanted to be the wife he needed. I could not give him some of the things he was seeking. We were very far apart. After that summer, my husband began to change his life and became a much stronger christian. We never dealt with the emotional stuff of that summer nor did I know about his infidelity. When he told me in Nov, everything in our life seems to be clarified. My husband has finally opened that part of his life to the Lord (before he held it so secret). We have started counseling and have begun to read His Needs, Her Needs.<p>At this point I am struggling with being committed to him and running away like crazy. He continually tells me that he want to move forward but I still feel caught in the past details. Help!! How do I move forward without having the images in my head? I wonder all the time if he will be unfaithful again. With his job as a cop he has the freedom to be on the go and meet lots of people. <p>If there is anyone out there that has suggestions, please help? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ December 29, 2001: Message edited by: hurtdeeply ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> What is with cops? They really are dense sometimes. I am sorry that you are married to cop also...I feel your pain...maybe not your foot pain. <hr></blockquote><p>*sigh*....I feel your pain, Julia...I feel your pain ( of being married to a cop!!!)
I agree with Trying too....Cops are dense and a rare breed amongst themselves...I too am not only a daughter of a cop, but now married to one...hee hee.....<p>I just bought a book at half.com (good place to buy books cheaply and even with shipping costs less than a book store!) called, "I love a cop" written by Ellen Kirschman, Ph. D.
The under title, "What police families need to know". I think it should be interesting reading and I will especially look up INFIDELITY...of course.....as usual....no OC write up...seems to be the topic no one wants to touch with a ten foot pole and that kinda leaves us grappling, doesn't it??? Hmmmmmmm, interesting......<p>Anyways....this book looks like required reading for anyone ever involved with being married to or related to a cop...very interesting...I wonder if they have anything written about Badge chasers? Truckers have LOT LIZARDS as cops have Badge chasers...The military have camp followers...wonder that they call white collar workers OW's? High class call girls??? Ok..bad joke...my bitterness is showing today...Lord help me!!!! \o/<p>Julia, I am glad your foot is ok...I broke my wedding ring finger in one of my "redecorating" modes...couldn't wear my ring for almost two months and now it's healed all crooked...much like my marriage...LOL!!! I prayed about that one and the Lord showed me that it was like my marriage...still a finger (marriage) just slightly altered (The ONS/OC) but still a finger (Marriage) and will be a part of my life always, but can still function and be better....go figure!<p>I haven't posted much lately as I was battling some depression. Things seem to improve with my H and me and then I battle the depression demons again...I am seriously thinking about zoloft...but not really wanting to take it. I like the concentration camp diet better...makes me svelte....but at a high price....LOL!!!!<p>Hope you got my e-mail Julia and I am up to chatting anytime...my evenings are free as H works the night shift...e-mail me a good time to meet and chat sometime...<p>Did you get this situation resolved with college girl? Let me know...
thinking and praying for you,
Hugs,
Twiisty

Hurtdeeply,<p>Did your h have a baby as a result of his affairs?
I am sorry that you are going through this and i am sorry that it is so fresh and new...uggh. My d-day (A) was July 27, then my 2nd d-day (0C) was Sept 9. I see that you are very new here and i would recommend posting your own topic under NEW TOPIC so that you will get more feedback. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> <hr></blockquote>
I always felt that with the Lord in our life and loving eachother we could conquer all.<p>Good word... Sweetie, that is not just a feeling, that is truth that you just spoke of. No matter how much our friends, families, husbands, people, strangers bring us down, we as believers already have victory in the Lord.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> <hr></blockquote>
At this point I am struggling with being committed to him and running away like crazy. He continually tells me that he want to move forward but I still feel caught in the past details. Help!! How do I move forward without having the images in my head? I wonder all the time if he will be unfaithful again. With his job as a cop he has the freedom to be on the go and meet lots of people. <p>I too, feel the fight or flight syndrome and either can arise at any time, i wish i had more contol over my own will. My h tells me too that he wants to move forward and that he loves me but we have some other issues i would like him to address. As far as images, they will subside with time and prayer, i believe that. As far as them being gone forever, i think that may be impossible as long as we have brains that are very capable of memories. But i think that is individual and some of us are more willful to forget than others. No one is truly immune from infidelity just as you and i are not immune from sin. We are all capable of being unfaithful, it is God that is our strength and Leader of our thoughts, actions, and wills - so long as we continually surrender our lives to Him, I know He gives us victory and power over evil temptation. If your h has not yet realized the influence that his job can have on his very soul, then the infidelity may not stop. He needs to try to see with clear vision regarding the world in general the way God sees it - as corrupt, that is why he had to send his only son to save it...John 3:16<p>Keep posting and share whenever you want.. Take care of yourself...there is hope...We are all getting through together, we are here for you.<p>
Hey Twiisty,<p>I am going to have to buy that book right now online, "i love a cop". It really does sound like required reading. I bet you i could write a better one and include the chapter of OC. At least these women who choose to marry cops will know all the risks involved. HEY lets write it together!!!<p>I am sorry that you are in a depressed mode right now. Looking at my wall, i wouldn't call it a depressed mode i'm in, more of a retaliation mode! ha ha... But i would love to chat anytime. We can arrange a time via email or something...i only have yahoo chat, and last time it didn't work with z for some reason. Well, lets give it a shot anyway.<p>i don't know much about the zoloft or prozac, but i really don't think that is so good for you, Twiist. Catnip made a good point saying that those drugs only mask the pain for a while, then what happens when you go off them...we will have to deal with the pain still...it is just put off for awhile. I think that is how she put it. But it makes sense to me. And more importantly, WE HAVE GOD. His word will fill you up with Anything you need. The relationship you nurture daily will be your source of healing and numb the depression.<p>Big HUGS!!! Powerful prayers,
Julia<p>Hey, God just told me this is from HIM!!!
((((((((((((Twiisty's family))))))))))))))))