I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF I WILL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE THIS BETRAYAL! WE HAVE STARTED COUNSELING.
H IS QUITE REMORSEFUL, BUT I AM STILL FURIOUS. IS IT NORMAL TO ASK DETAILS? I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T, BUT I CAN HELP IT. IT'S ONLY BEEN 4 WEEKS SINCE D-DAY. I DON'T KNOW IF I MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY THAT OC IS 3YRS. OW HAS NOT CONTACTED H FOR CS. HE STATES THAT HE HASN'T HAD CONTACT IN OVER 1 YR. PLEASE PRAY.

I don't know if I can be of any help to you, but I am in a similar situation. D-day for me was 3 months ago and I asked a ton of questions. In some ways it was helpful, but then I didn't know whether to believe him or not. Now I just have a mental picture of some of the details he told me going through my mind all the time. It is pure torture for what feels like every minute of every day. Therapy helps though.

jj I will pray for you today. I feel your sorrow and pain. I really hope counseling will help you to start to deal with this. It will take a while so don't give up. There are so many emotions to work through.<p>Details are a common question. Honestly I drilled H for them and was sorry for most answers later.<p>I got the "where" and "how often" answers. H was right. Now when we drive past a parking lot that was "theirs" I have a wave of sorrow. JMHO. The "how" is a given as we all know pretty much all the ways huh? (positions) I shudder to think if I knew that answer, if I ever could experience him again.<p>So details are personal between you two. You will never know the "why" because that answer is never the right one.<p>Prayers to you dear one.<p>love
Debi

Gem wrote:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You will never know the "why" because that answer is never the right one.
<hr></blockquote><p>Truer words have never been spoken. I will never know the "WHY"...and no amount of details is ever going to regain back what I lost. That fact hurts. I agree with what you posted, Gem.<p> I try to make all the puzzles fit and find out that there are many pieces that don't belong...it will never make sense to me or to my H of what he did.
I pray that in time, God will heal us and our marriage. I hope so anyway...I still struggle with leaving...every day I look for a reason to stay and it has nothing to do with forgiveness. It's just me, I guess....*sigh*<p>Hugs,
Twiisty

Dear Jordy,

Dear Jordy,<p>Welcome to the board, though it is so sad to see another devastated soul among our ranks. I am also new here (my D-Day was 7/01), but I can tell you that though time does help, as we all know, I still am battling at times with wanting details and needing questions answered. I believe the questions are driven by a desperate desire to understand "WHY."<p>It seems a common thread among all of us that we find it so incredibly hard to believe, and many of us did not see it coming. <p>My husband also didn't tell me about the OC for 10 years. He tried to believe the OW was lying when she said she was pregnant and that it was his, and she never contacted him until now, 10 years later. She also has yet to mention CS to us, but as someone posted to you earlier, I am certain it is only a matter of time.<p>I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I do know you are on the right track seeking counseling, etc. Have you told any family or friends? Is your H a Christian? I do have enough wisdom to know that the only way for a marriage to survive this type of bombshell is a deep and abiding faith in Jesus Christ.<p>I would be interested in knowing what your counselor says about asking questions. Please post and let me know. You, as well as all others on this board, will be in my prayers.<p>Posey

Welcome to support. There are alot of people here with alot to give in words. <p>My d-day was Oct. 2000 and the OC in our situation will be 3yrs in May. <p>I asked some question of how long and what was done. Some answers I did not get, but alot of the answers were ok for the instance I got the answer but of no use afterwards. <p>Then I began to concentrate on the why, how come and what made you have a A. Then our relationship came into the picture, what needed to be repaired, patched and what kind of contributions we both had to do to make it work.<p>As far as the OC, I still have difficulties with, because our exOW is using the OC as a tool to get into our lives.<p>At your stage concentrate on you, soothe and relax yourself as much as possible. You can't fix everything at one time. I decided how I was going to better me first and then incorporate us in being better. You can't help anything until you help yourself first. Like they say if your not happy or love yourself first you can't make anything around you happy and loved.<p>Come here and vent its a beautiful thing with all the support you get for the site. Some of the ladies and gents have alot of wisdom.<p>I will pray for you, but most important pray for yourself.<p>Try to smile everyday, keep positive and true to yourself.