I had been aware of my H affair since last year but did not know he had an "OC" until three and a half months ago. The affair ended when I found out. I had suspected, but was confirmed when I had him followed. She is much younger, 26, and he is 47. They met thru work and yes, she is very pretty, not that I am chopped liver but our marriage had been stale for a few years. we have three kids of our own. When I leanred about OC, I went nuts and I still cannot believe it. But H had had visitation and partial custody from the start, he just "visited" outside the home until he finally told me. The little girl is only 5 months and she is precious. I don't know what to think. I love my H and want to make it work for us and for our kids, but he says if I can't accept OC, we should divorce because he feels he must be a Dad to all his kids, and most of me agrees. I just don't know how I'll be able to handle all this.

Emily,<p>I sorry you find yourself in this situation. Welcome to this board you'll get feed back from people who choose to have OC as a part of their lives and from people who don't. You have to make your own choices and decisions. Three month is a short period of time you're going to have to decide if you can deal with OC/exOW? If dealing with OC and remaining married to your H is going to tear you/your children down? My H never made me choose I don't think I could handle that. I filed for a D three days after D-day and told him if OC was his he could bring her to any family functions he was invited to so she could get to know her siblings. I found out while exOW was pregnant. From your comments you have already met and seen OC. Do you think you can handle her being a part of your lives? Good luck you have a lot of decisions to make. Remember you don't have to decide everything in one day take your time and weigh things out. Good luck again I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.<p>
Unsure

Hi Emily, believe us when I say we have all been there! It's so hard to deal with. All we have is support for each other. I just wonder what type of commitment does your husband have to you? He's giving you an alt. Take it or leave! My case, we ignore the OC situation until now 5yrs. Today it is still just as hard. Except now I'm a little more understanding. I gave him an alt., me or OC. He chose me. It doesn't make it any better either way. Fortunately/unfortunately for me I busted my BF with another OW. So there goes my even dealing w/the OC situation. Now I'm in the infidelity situation. So my story is done. I can't keep allowing him to do this to me or our son. You're going to have a long way to travel. Everything is still new to you. Acceptance is a hard thing to do, everyone here will tell you that. But when you do, it makes everything a whole lot easier. Good luck in the new year!!

Emily,
Welcome to this forum, I'm sorry it wasn't under better circumstances. You will find support, a listening ear and encouragement here on this board.
YOu wrote:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> but he says if I can't accept OC, we should divorce because he feels he must be a Dad to all his kids, and most of me agrees. I just don't know how I'll be able to handle all this. <hr></blockquote><p>Well, I guess you can give your H credit for being upfront about that one aspect. In our case, my H wants nothing to do with the child from the moment he found out about the PG of the OW. OW tried to force fatherhood on him and he wanted nothing to do with it. If my H had ever told me that I was to accept the OC and that was that, I would have walked. That is just our situation. I will be praying for you. Please continue to post...I see you have three children, I have four of the home and I had to consider them too when it comes to OC.(Our OW is unreasonable).<p>Whatever you decide, I know it will be best for your family. There really isn't a "one size fits all" solution for this kind of situation. <p>Hugs,
Twiisty

Emily,
Welcome to our group. It is not a great place to have to be, but we are a warm, inviting, and supportive group. We all have similarities and differences.<p>As for me, our OC is 10 months old. Read my story under Tryin4sainthood and A different perspective. <p>I can say that the fact that you described oc as precious says alot. You have a lot of decisions to make over the next few months and possibly years. Please post often and expect a huge variety of emotions moment to moment day to day.