Ladies
This really isn't "affair related" but is something that has always bothered me. I want to ask all of you to honestly answer the following....
Do any of your husband's read Playboy magazine?<p>Mine always did as a young man, which is normal I guess. But it always bothered me that he still has a subscriptionall these years. He says it's "for the articles" but doesn't dney that "sure, I enjoy looking at the women but it's no big deal" He says I am insecure. Well, sure I am! This was an issue way before the affair. I mean, how am I supposed to feel about it? I can't compare to an air brushed, breast implanted, 25 year old. I think it's disrespectable to me but he says that's crazy, that it has nothing to do with me. My friend says she doesn't care that her H reads it. How do you all feel about it? I know it's nothing compared to the bigger issues but it has just always made me feel inadequate and beyond that, if he knows it upsets me, would it be SUCH a huge scarifice to just cancel the stupid thing?

Emily,<p>My H has always collected Playboy also. It never used to bother me because no matter how good they looked he still acted as if I was the sexiest woman on the planet. I didnt feel threatened. And I dont mean by the centerfolds, I mean threatened by where his attention was. Ya know.<p>Anyways, post-affair, it became a huge deal for me. He didnt understand it. I told him it didnt matter. I was now insecure and I didnt like the mags in my house. Well he kept them anyways of course, he just didnt look at them with me around.<p>Then one night I came home from school and found out he sold his whole collection to his buddy from work. I was really impressed. I hadnt said anything about them in months. He told me that we needed to$ and he knew how I felt about them, so he ditched them. And he had some from the 70's!<p>I pray your H will realize that it really doesnt matter at this point if it makes sense to him. His affair probably makes no sense to you, no matter what probs you were having.<p>Bottomline is that if it is making you uncomfortable then he should consider your feelings over his want for this "collection"<p>Love
Broken_wings

Hi I have posted about this subject before. Currently my husband doesn't have any of these subscriptions. He did have a screen saver up of some scantily clad bikini girls, but with me being pregnant now I asked him to take them down for me and he did. Anyway it usually doesn't bother me. They are just women in pictures. I know my husband thinks I am sexy and I am ok with my body and how I look. When he first wanted the magazine I threw a fit which made him want it more. When I finally gave in it quickly lost it's glitter for him and I ended up reading the thing more than he did [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Now if he ever had an affair my feelings about it might change.

Emily,
My H has Never brought those sort of magazines home. <p>BUT he looked at internet porn after we got a computer, which I tried to be open-minded about (no one's getting hurt, whatever); it (and many other things) seemed to contribute to his affair. He quit for a long time after Dday, started again occasionally, but I called him on it, and he finally gave it up when I said it (along with the A) made me feel like I would never be enough for him. He hasn't done it again and says he has no desire to, which I think is also a reflection of a closer relationship with God.<p>IMO every man could do without it, and if he can't, could be an addiction.

Fortunately for me, my H does not look at pornography. So, I guess I'm the only "centerfold spread" he gets to look at! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] That could be really good or really scary!!<p>Not to downplay your pain. My brother is addicted to pornography and it hurts my SIL deeply. If she was not devoutly focused on her family values, I bet she would have left him over this problem.<p>She gained a lot of weight after they got married. She was a 7 when they wed and now she must be a 20+? I can't say exactly. Let's just say she is huge... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He won't tell her he is unhappy with her weight--tries to get me to talk to her. Of course I stay out of it. She tells me her weight doesn't matter to him and he loves her with or without the extra poundage. She called me once in tears because the women he was looking at on the Internet were ugly. Evidently she was noticing their faces and not their figures--which I'm sure is ALL he noticed...<p>He doesn't get it that he needs to tell her that he has an extreme emotional need for an attractive spouse, and she doesn't get it that her appearance really does matter to him. She has a high need for SF, but physically, she turns him off so he doesn't make advances. He turns to porn (& masturbation). (The two simply go together... Harley has written an article about it on this site.)<p>Still, something tells me that even if she did lose the weight, he would be dealing with this addiction problem. *sigh*<p>I have to agree with broken_wings that if you are hurt by his habit, then he should be willing to consider ditching the habit.<p>Also yes to what Jenny said. I think it IS an addiction. Anything that we have trouble letting go of, might be controlling us instead of the other way around, no matter what it is...<p>[ January 03, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>