I have not been here in months, maybe it has been a year..I dont know. I lurk every once in a great while, My life is busy..very busy. I am saddened by all the new members. But keep posting these ladies who have been through it are a wealth of info.
The reason for me logging in (oh was that hard)was because as I read the posts from newbies, I had some major triggers.... for you all that do not know, my H like alot of others hid the fact that there was an OC...this was from an affair that was about 2-3 weeks in length (his first and last indiscretion)I think they were"together" 3 times (he says 2 she said 3)...Well my H (I should say WE, cuz I am in a community property state)...Makes a VERY good living, and he was paying OW child support that totalled over 70,000. (in 8 months)..do the math. Well OW free ticket ended when I found out about OC..CUZ I insisted on DNA (my H put the D in DUMB, lord knows how he became so successful)..I imediatly stopped the support..well she felt SHE deserved the life style I had ( I have been married over 17 years at that time, and had 3 children...not to mention he was POOR when I married him)...but she felt she should not have to work and she should also have the nice place to live and cars (she told my H this)...Well, simple math and the fact of her age (40's) told me that it was a big possiblity that baby was not my H's (it is not easy for a 40y/o to get pg..esp if its her first..I am an RN and I did OB)...and the baby was 3-4 weeks early (H was not there for the delivery) in order to be H's, and it weight 8lbs????..well this also triggered H, but he just could not believe ANYONE would LIE about something so serious..HE really believes in people, a trait I do love about him...in his mind NO ONE would ever lie about such serious stuff.
well after, not showing up to the lab for DNA testing a couple of times OW finally did bring OC (court order)...WELL GUESS what..OC was NOT my husbands..in fact OC was a result of Insemination
you guessed it...she was trying to get PG, and she had gone to a dr for sperm donation...decided to get Child support from some sap (my H)...she picked one with money...well we could have placed fraud charges on her (at the judges urging)...but we would have NEVER collected the money back..she spent it all, and she would never have been able to pay it back on her income...and if she would have gone to jail..she would have left that child alone...we knew something was up when she disappeared after the DNA test was taken...ANYHOW
the whole purpose of my post...is all you NEWBIES..whos OC are not born yet..GET THE DNA TEST immediatly...the babies do not have to be 6 months old like years ago...THEY DO NOT DO BLOOD STICKS ON THE BABIES ANYMORE..so OW cannot use that excuse..the test will NOT COST more than 600.00 and that will be less ( about 300.00) if OW agrees to be tested too (in other words..the baby mouth swab and your H is all that is needed)...results will be back worse case in 4 weeks (we Knew 2 1/2 weeks)...Be suspious of those OW making excuses...or threats..if they are doing that, they dont know who daddy is..Face it if they knew fow sure...they would run to the lab..wouldnt they????...learn from my H's mistake..some OW DO LIE...they DO!!!!...best wishes and good luck to you all...TEST THOSE BABIES...because if it aint your H's...you can work on other issues...if it is ..what has changed in your current situation???...Nothing...right??...if she refuses(OW) get a court order for paternity...all your H has to do (we had to) is to file to establish paternal rights ...if you dont have the money for this...contact the fathers rights organizations (look them up on google or other search engines)
they will put you in contact with probono lawyers... that will do this for free..or at a reduced cost....BUT DO NOT LET SOME PERSON...GET IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR MARRIAGE..AND CALL THE SHOTS....DO NOT..IT WILL NEVER STOP....Ok My Cross is all done with her lecture...hope all is well... Hi to all my friends CD, are you still out there??? good to see GEM and Jenny, and everyone.
Thing are great with H and I...he is more attentive than ever..he realizes how he almost destroyed something special, and went into counseling..he had issues..that had nothing to do with us. kids are great ( I miscarried ..remember I got PG during this junk)..but at my age it is more common.
I guess I will always pop in a remind people of my story... some people have no morals or srcubbles...we are talking about women who screw (sorry it is the nicest term I could think of) married men...if they would do that...why would they not lie, about the paternity of there child???..just a thought..Love and luck to all..Happy New Year

Hello My Cross,<p> I just wanted to say not only do I remember you but I remember the day you found out the OC was not your H's. How many of us wished that could be us!!! I'm sorry about the miscarriage - there was so much going on for you emotionally then. Thank you for relating your story. It is one that needs to be retold.
Kris

Gosh, sorry for all the above typos...I had all three kids..whinning for my attention..difficult to concentrate...
Hi Quaker, Good to hear from you...hope all is well..Love MC

Wow, another truly amazing story... Thanks for sharing. I must add that it was extremely gracious of you to let OW off the hook legally for stealing all that $$ from you. Glad that her evil plan backfired before she racked up 500,000! Thank the Lord it stopped at 70. But that is still a huge amount of money for anyone to lose. I'm also happy to hear that your marriage is intact. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear My Cross<p>No one here can forget the "lucky one". <p>I know $70K is an enormous amount of money to have extotred from you, but to be in your shoes is somewhere I would love to be. Just think, the OW was pulling a caper and the OC is not your husband's. Oh, if only....<p>It is so good hearing from you again and thrilled to hear how well things are going for you. I smiled when I read how wonderful your husband has become since all this has happened and thought about how this must be like 'aversion therapy' or a near death experiencefor him. I wonder if he truly realizes that he really, really is one of the rare lucky ones. My husband cannot even imagine the joy your husband must have felt and the gratitude he must constatnly feel from the results of the DNA test. He is so incredibly blessed...and so by association, are you because now you won't have to go through what all of us here endure.<p>If I were you, I would be dancing in the streets. I hope your husband takes you to Paris for your birthday...it's the least he can do after putting you through such a close call that would have changed your life forever.<p>Oh, My Cross. I am so incredibly envious of you, I can hardly stand it. What happened to you should have happened to me and everyone here. Now I know what 'mixed emotions' are. It's when I am so incredible happy, relieved, overjoyed to hear seomeone has been spared the 'life sentence' of financial servitude and OW interference, while being absolutely green that this did not happen to me when I prayed so hard. I truly, truly hope your husband really really realizes his IMMENSE good fortune.<p>Thanks for dropping in and sharing this with the Newbies. We miss you around here.<p>Catnip =^^=

My Cross,
I hope that I might be in your shoes.
I hope that OC is not my H. My H had an Affair that lasted one week. OW claims it is my H. She told everyone that it was my H. She had OC on Oct. 16 2001 but since April she has not contacted my H.<p>My H actually asked a friend to ask her to see the baby at the hospital, but she never responed. H called her she hung up. He left a message on her machine that he would like to take responsibilty for OC by getting a paternity test and paying cs that was 2 months ago and she has never called him back.<p>The OC could be very well be his but she has not asked for a dime and has not contacted him. We are just waiting to see if she is going to do anything.<p>OW did admit to him before they did anything that she slept with 16 men in three months, but she was not seeing anyone at the time. That was at the end of Decemember, my H did not see until the end of Janurary.<p>My H as of right now does not want to do anything right now because he does not know what he wants to do. If he wants to be a part of the OC life and since she is not going after CS why should he pay her.<p>Dawn

Dear Mycross,<p>Stopped by and heard the good news!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Wow after all that. What a wacko OW! <p>I am happy for you and your H. May your future grow in love and happiness. <p>I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know you and your H will get through this together. <p>You helped me sooo much when I was down in the dumps. I think of you often. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,
L.

MyCross,<p>I certainly do remember you. My previous login name was Mrs. Job. I am glad to hear that you are doing so well.<p>I too remember the day you got the news. What a celebration! I don't think such joy was ever heard on a MB board.<p>We are adopting the two boys from Eastern Europe who lived with us in the summer of 2000. It has taken 16 months since they left, lawsuits, attorneys, new agencies and more paperwork than anyone can imagine, but we are about 6 weeks away from traveling to bring them home.<p>BTW, we did do paternity testing. We have visitation with OC, Precious, and we just swabbed her check when we had her with us. It cost about $400 (I think) and we had results about two weeks later. We were both saddended when the results came back, something we didn't expect to happen. I guess that there is part of all of us that holds onto hope that this situation would just magically go away. Oh well, she is a lovely child, we are in an established relationship with her, exOW is behaving herself (and even reminds Precious to tell me that she loves me at the end of our weekly telephone calls).<p>Stop back and remind everyone of your story and the need for getting the paternity testing done. It is a good lesson and one we need to be reminded of periodically.<p>MJ