My H left this past August after 8 months of coping with a mid-life crisis. As he told me and our 16 year old daughter, there must be more to life than the familiy life he has been living. This new life is being topped off by an affair with his new partner from work. I tried Plan A for those 8 months and am currently trying a form of Plan B. H's position is that he is not sure he wants a divorce and that there is no deadline while he tries this new life.
There are lots of resources to try to help the spouse, but not a lot of helpful information dealing with the conflicts I am struggling to manage with my children.
Initially, our 7 year old son was devasted. Then he saw that his previously ordinary dad was now the Disney Dad. My H had little time for the kids; everything was work or his recreation. I was the parent who took them places, went to games and played with them. Now the time he spends with my son is one event after another with the gifts and the one to one time that my son is loving. My son doesn't want my H back because he likes this new dad. My son told me he met his dad's "work friend" over the holidays. She is really nice and according to my son would love to meet me and get to know me.
I do not want to put stress on my son or in any way put him in the middle of this situation. But I also do not want him to form the idea that what his dad did was right and that there is nothing wrong with dads having girlfriends. This woman seems nice to him, but he has no idea the hurt she is causing. I have asked my H not to introduce her into our son's life until after a divorce. I doubt he will honor my request. However, after taking into account the affair must stand the test of real life, I am thinking I may be missing an opportunity for some of that real life. A 7 year old boy may not be compatible to the single lady's lifestyle and my son may resent the loss of some of that 100% attention.
Any suggestions or ideas? I know my son loves me, but there is that horrible hurt I feel when I think about them walking around like a family.
Our 16 year old daughter took the opposite view of the separation. She was a witness to her father's bizarre behavior before he left and she wants nothing to do with him. I have taken her to counseling, but she said she was tired of hearing she had to accept the situation and her father. Her view is that he bailed on his responsibility as a father and an attempt on her part to be nice to him is validating that behavior. After counseling and praying, I have come to accept that their relationship is not mine to resolve. If anyone has suggestions on dealing with separation from the teenager's point of view, let me know.
Thanks for taking the time to listen.

Gosh,
I can really sense your pain in your post... I think right now, it's such a tough time for you emotionally, that you have to wait until you can talk to your son in a very calm way (where you won't be tempted to badmouth his dad).<p>I think your son will always love his dad, no matter what. My father spent a great deal of my childhood in a penitentiary but I still loved him cuz he was my daddy... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Your boy may not even really be able to digest exactly how wrong his father is until he gets much older, and maybe not FULLY until he becomes a husband and father HIMSELF! Some lessons in life take a long time so I think you might have to be patient and fight the temptation to criticize because it might backfire. It might backfire because your son may see you as the bad guy just for saying his dad is a bad guy! (get it?)<p>It doesn't seem fair, but what the enemy means for evil, God can turn around for your good in a second. Do what is right in God's eyes and He will reward you. (Do unto others as YOU WOULD WANT them to do unto you, doesn't mean that they WILL, but God will reward you in the end...) My prayers are with you!

Dear Mrs. LMJ:<p>"Our 16 year old daughter took the opposite view of the separation. She was a witness to her father's bizarre behavior before he left and she wants nothing to do with him. I have taken her to counseling, but she said she was tired of hearing she had to accept the situation and her father. Her view is that he bailed on his responsibility as a father and an attempt on her part to be nice to him is validating that behavior. After counseling and praying, I have come to accept that their relationship is not mine to resolve."<p>Your daughter is clearsighted and has her head screwed on straight. She obviously got her morals and values from you. She's hurting, angry and feels betrayed, and refuses to excuse or condone her father's behavior. Excellent! Let us hope that if God forbid she marries a man who tries to pull on her what her dad is pulling on you, she doesn't tolerate it.<p>My suggestion is that you level with her, tell her you understand her feelings and that you won't force her to act contrary to her beliefs. And that if and when she wants to have a relationship with her father again, you will understand.<p>As for your 7 year old son, his behavior is normal for his age. He thinks of his life in the present, and if Dad acts like Disney Dad, he will enjoy what he has. At least it's attention. At least he still has Dad around.