Hello to everyone, and I wish you all a good day.<p>My tigger started Saturday. My H birthday coming up on the 25th and I know the OW will do something with OC to ruin his day. Either by calling, sending something or making the OC call. Why would she continually try to involve the OC in my H life when she knows he does not want a relationship? Why do these OW push so hard? They should go on with their lives, especially when they know they are not wanted.<p>When do the triggers/worries end? I worry at holidays what is going to happen. I worry on the OC birthday. My H birthday. Father's day etc. What is this OW going to do, by using her OC to get to my H? She already left a message from OC that she asked for him all the time, I guess she was proving herself since she told him of this during the last court date. Why are these women so pushy?<p>I am having it hard, I know my H realizes I am having a hard time. He asked me this morning but I did not say anything, except that it was 5am and I was just tired. I want to tell him my saddness with the issue of that I know something is going to happen on this birthday from OW and OC. I know he will get mad. The last time he was really upset with the mention of OW and OC. He feels he doesn't want to deal with it, every other week. He feels I spend to much time dwelling on this and there is nothing going on and he would tell me if he was going to make a move in any concern over the OC or having to contact the OW because of OC. With these maybe's hanging over my head, it sickens me. I am so sad, I think I am going into depression. There are days I want to just curl up and forget the world exist. I want to tell him this but I know he will get angry and probably leave. He tells me he doesn't think about this situation, but with the first cs payment I know he will be thinking or already has been thinking about it all the time. He tells me he was considering talking to OW to reduce payment or drop it from court and make their own arrangements. There are so many maybe from him, I really do not know where he stands. Maybe he'll change his mind and want OC in his life. He says he could not fathom telling his children, but...This all the but or maybe's are killing me, I live anxiously awaiting a change and how can I deal with it. Have any of you went through the change no no Oc in my life then a change saying maybe I see the OC on occasion like birthday, father day and xmas><p>My heart is very heavy and very sad. Thanks for listening I know this is long, but I appreciate your time and post back.

SS,<p>I don't really have any advice just wanted you to know, someone was thinking about you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Dealing with the highs and lows that come with this situation can be difficult. I'm 16 months past D-day my H is great we can talk about exOW/OC without any arguments and I'm still dealing with the roller coaster emotions that come with this situation. Keep praying and asking for strenght. Talking about the A and OC was causing me more pain than helping so I let it go. All of us get to that point in recovery. I'm not fimiliar with your story but good luck. <p>
Unsure

A manager in our department has a child with a woman he had an affair with. She tried the same lure. His wife, one day, stood up and told him it was her and their family or the other child. It was not going to be both. He had to make a choice and he did. He immediately choose his wife the children they shared. He was forced by the courts to pay child support. However, he was able to get his annual income reduced substantially, without lowering his pay. He worked out some deals with his boss as far as retirement accounts and trust funds that the other woman and her child could not attach themselves to. His wife his his children know about the other child. They have not met it. He has never seen the oc either. He has a will stipulating that the other child is not to receive anything at all for obvious reasons. <p>The other woman keeps trying to play family with him. Inviting this man to birthday parties, and all. He has refused. She tries to push the fact that her baby needs to see and meet it's siblings. That one is where he blew up. She and her kid have nothing to do with his children. He is seeing it as her trying to hurt his children, and over time has become more and more protective of his wife and kids and more and more angry at the other woman. He has spoken to his attorneys and this month she will be hit with a restraning order. She has to contact her attorney, and he will contact his attorney. What is interesting here is that this will cost her $$. Since it is her actions that have caused this last court date, she will have to pay her attorney everytime she calls him. If she continues to harras him and his family, she is facing steep penalties and charges. Then what happens to her child that she claims to love so much?

Hello,
I just want to tell you that you are in prayers. I also have the same feelings as you and my H says the same things as your H. However, I have been keeping really busy and have not had much time to think about. I know next week will be really hard because it was a year ago that my H had the affair.<p>Dawn<p>[ January 14, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

Simplysad,<p>You are in my thoughts and prayers (God hears thoughts too!) I am in your boat as far as the depression setting in - hang in there as best you can and when you do let go, know that God will catch you, hold you and uplift you. <p>I wasn't able to leave the cities here and head to California yet, call it weakness, yea i am simply terrified to be away from h, but i know that i will get the strength to leave, just don't know exactly when. He doesn't really care anyway, so i should leave today! uggh... I just continually ask him if we can move to CA before April (due month for oc) and he always says the same thing... "i don't think moving is the answer". Well, it will take part of my pain away, being that ow lives 2 minutes away from us. But reality is that he really doesn't care. Why can't i just leave!!!?? <p>I will be in S. cal soon, hopefully by the first week of February, if i am not there by then, somebody shoot me! (kidding, i think!)<p>God Bless,
Julia

Consider yourself hugged. I thought of an idea? Could you change your phone number and only give OW your work # for contact re: OC??? OR change your home phone number and add a separate line for OW incoming calls so that you can recognize by the ringer and decide for yourself if you are up to dealing with her? She should not have free access to your home/H. What an invasion! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think your H is wrong to abandon you at your times of emotional crisis. I think it's just that he probably doesn't know how to secure you in his love so he runs away. He gets angry because he is hurting too. Maybe just tell him that what you need from him right now is a hug or just some reassurance so that you feel secured in his love. It's not enough that he stays with you, he needs to help you get through this and NO, your pain will never end. What he did will have a lasting effect on your relationship and he needs to stop pretending like you can just get over it! Cuz you can't! I think the way you deal with the thoughts can evolve and change, but not without his help!<p>All sin separates us from God and compromises our honor, but NONE like adultery. Proverbs 5 says that adulterers give away their honor... Your H has lost something noble that he may never regain in your eyes. He needs to realize this and prove himself to be worthy of you.<p>I was in Ontario last weekend. I sent you an e-mail but I think I forgot to include my screenname... Next time! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

thank you so much for you input ladies.<p>I emailed both of you back. I do not know if you go it but i did.<p>Today I read a post by Brokenwings, it just reminded me how greatful I should be with the progress my H has done. Just when I thought I had the worst situation I read about hers and it was so sad. Give her a word she is really in pain. I am glad she is young and can get much ahead of us old fogies. I wish I was her age again 26. <p>So once again, I have gotten some good help with MB by just reading. When you read another peoples up and down, you appreciate how far you have gone in your own situation. Not to say everything is perfect, but it puts you into a different perspective. <p>Well I guess I had the down demons for one night, because after reading today I do feel better, I still wait to see what happens on my H birthday. I know OW will use the OC to try to get H to go by or call. Its ashame this OC is being tortured and use this way, when OW know where we stand. We will support OC financial, but it best for her to give her emotional support alone we will not be involved in OC life.<p>Thanks again. Thinking about you and praying for all.