On Sat YD and OD returned from Italy (skiing with exH, his sister and BIL, OW is so much pregnant so this yr skipped skiing).
On Sun YD got sick and had high fever-something like influenza. (there is an epidemy in Italy, coming to us).
I asked my chief to let me home aerlier these days to be with her what is normal I think.
But yesterd phoned me a friend of mine who met them on the same skiing place where exH told her that YD was not satisfied with me (depressed, hysteric, lousy mother...) and would live with him from then on.
A psychologist realy adviced me that the best is for YD to return to her former school, cause this one is very bad, bad teachers , in the class only Roms, Albanians, Bosnians...children who have marks-so YD is not stimulated and she has very huge problems with school for this 1.5 yrs.
Her former school/class are much better, but are 8 miles away so she should live with ex, OW,OC to go to that school.
YD is very inteligent but also very lasy, never was the best , she is more interested in gymnastic, dramma; rather than math, language....biology...Our primary school lasts 2 more yrs (she is now in 6 class-till 8th).
Also she told me few times that with dad and OW she felt much more satisfied, they are alwys happy, have fun, never force her to learn or to write homework...yesterday even that dad was always the one who took care when she was ill.<p>Believe me it is not truth-he was so little at home, always on business trips, building a house or a company on business lunch, supper.....That hurt me so much.<p>It is truth that I was sending her to him in few occasions when I was angry or sad or desperate, once at start I even took her things there ( more than a year ago).
I have a feeling that she wants revenge and that she blackmails me.
I have no strength to fight, i hate him saying all around how he "cares too much for his former family", how he looks in everyones eyes like a perfect father (takes a kid every weekend, to skiing, tells how she choose him, tells that OW "cares too much for kids who are not even hers"...)OD also chose in court him to live with but returned to me. She also always has to note that I am hysteric, my outbursts of crying are awful "he never acts like that".<p>So I told them last night to call father and go to live with him and OW.<p>I have an intention to write him a very official letter (on computer-not by hand) to inform him about YD's problems at school, with no friends and about the advice of the psychologyst and to send it by regular mail, also to ask him to bring me my things (wedding suit, paintings, photos.....)what are still in his house of 3 floors (I was kicked from it to a 60 sq met flat).<p>That's enough, know I am not ideal but that does not mean they can do what they want. I am good for cooking, ironing, housekeeping, writing homeworks and to sleep in my flat like in hotel, but when it comes to emotions they are both ice cold , they like their father now.
Neither one of the girls kiss me or holds me.<p>I am so sad cause YD started to behave like that from Sept (then started those each weekends, and especialy from OWs pregnancy)<p>Is this letter good idea?<p>I can't talk to him cause I always start or to cry or to yell at him.
What to do with girls? I love them so much but feel so abandoned.<p>I know I'll die without them , but whole these yrs noone asked me what i want, what I can.<p>And in everyones eyes he is an ideal ex husbanfd, ideal father and I am the hysteryc one, who does not love kids nor him not anybody, icecold...<p>Noone sees how I let him all the company (worth at leas 500.000$), how he pays one alimony for two kids, how he lives in three floor house and thre of us in a small flat, how I have one salary from the state budget and he has thousands $ each month, not one everyday problem....<p>I have not strength to go on, i am devastated<p>What to do?<p>Plus I forgot,
two months ago I asked him to talk about YDs future, and from then on several times. He came to me several times from then but YD was always present and he didn't want to talk, or we were fighting.
I suggested a meeting outside but he always said: "tomorrow, I don't run from that, she can be with me , but... you know I am on the bisiness trips and am very little at home"-then I explode (that was phone talk) " I wonder why you made another child then, you are so brave to do that knowing how much absent you are, you forced me to abort our twins and now want a baby with this b***, wish you to take care of THIS child cause of our girls you did not. You don't even know who were their teacher almost where the school was."
_That was on Dec 25th when he brought me YD cause she was unwanted at Christ party at OW's parents.<p>I am afraid of talking to him in person. I would like to send him mentioned letter or to ask my att (friend) to talk about.
In the same time is it wise to ask him about my things what he didn't bring me, he claims nothing is left but I know it is<p>Yesterday while he came to see YD he only wanted a glass of wine , I gave him and left to the kitchen, didn't touch him, didn't say hello while leaving, nothing so he left<p>each time I see him I am at the beginning, I only want him to hold me to say: that was a nightmare, let's go home.<p>How to perform a tight plan B with two girls, especially when problems exist with school or health or....<p>I don't even know what I expect from you, my cyber friends, I only had to vent somewhere, where people can understand.<p>thanks for reading

Hmmm... I think you should telephone Steve Harley for some quick advice on what you should do... How to Plan B with kids, you know?<p>Read teh notable posts thread in Just Found Out because they have some Plan B info out there too. ((((HUGS)))) Don't be afraid of the future. God will help you through this--trust Him with all your heart!!

Dear Betrayed and Deparate:<p>The situation you are in seems to be unbearable for you. Since I tend to be tough, my advice to you might make you uncomfortable.<p>The psychology I have used in the past has worked very well for me. Let me explain.<p>I married a divorced man in 1980 who had custody of his two children from his previous marriage. The children were great kids but one of them was very resentful of me. They lived with me but did not really like me at first. Even though they ahd been abandoned by their mother, their loyalties lay with her until they were well into their late teens.<p>One day I had had enough verbal insults and disrespect. I had provided a home for these kids and treated them as if they were my own. The boy had called me some names and the girl was yelling at me for spending money on myself instead of buying her some designere jeans. My husband was conveniently oblivious (or pretending to be) to the exchange going on and I felt like everyone had ganged up on me. Everyone went to bed and I sat in front of the TV getting more and more worked up. <p>Around midnight, I had worked myself up into such a frenzy, I went into the basement and got their suitcases and marched into their rooms, switched on the lights and woke them all up out of a deep sleep and told them to get up and start packing. I told them since they were so dissatisfied with me and so unhappy with me, they could pack their bags and get on a plane and fly back to Grandma's or call their mother and live with her. My husband woke up and stood in the hallways speechless and I told him that this goes for him, too.<p>They were all so shocked that I had taken a stand and MEANT IT (and they knew it) that everyone was on their best behavior for months. The thing that made all the difference in the world was the fact I demanded their respect, showed them all I had a great deal respect for myself and most of all, I refused to be anyone's emotional 'punching bag'.<p>Your daughters are behaving like brats and I would take a stand if I were you. They will be shocked at your resolve and eventually snap out of it. Don't worry about the lousy school...I'm thinking a few months in a not so great school might inspire your daughter to realize things aren't so bad with Mom. Don't let any of them walk all over you. Be tough. They will come around eventually.<p>Good luck<p>Catnip =^^=