I have been watching this site on and off for 2 years now. Until now, I have never been able to post. I just can't bring myself to write it all down, it's hard enough that it is in my head every minunte of every day. But I think perhaps I have reached a place where, it's either explode...or post?? My H has a OW and OC. This string of lies began almost 3 years ago. The Oc is going to be 2 soon. Just 4 mths ago I found out he was seeing her again...AGAIN..or did it ever stop. I put my heart on the line, you know the old "forgive and forget" All in the past ect... Only to be played for the fool once again. Me and the H have 4 children, the youngest being 2 weeks older than the OC. I have tried and tried and tried till I just don't care about anything any more. How can someone say honey, I understand how I hurt you, I won't do it again, and call her in the same breath. I just don't get it. I can't leave, or should I say, don't have the courage strength, or whatever you want to call it to leave? Why can't I drawn a line..I have hit an all time low, I believe, this times hurts worse than the first second...ect..Does this ever end? I have grown tired of sitting by and letting HER sleep with MY husband. I have grown tired of him sleeping with her. I don't want to have to sneak and see if he is there, which by the way, they have a new system, she picks him up at differant places..and yes she brings her 2 other kids with her. She just has no shame, and neither does he, why do I feel like I have it all. I tried to move on with life and do new things. So I go to school, and guess what..My teacher ask me if I am H ex-wife, she has OW in classes..to sum it up, in front of 50 people. What could I say, but oops caught them again? Yes, this is how I found out. Needless to say..end of that. Couldn't show my face in there again. Not that it matters, there is a thousand of these examples, I could use. I have grown so freaking pathtic, I hate it..I just want to feel normal again? Has anyone been here, does it end? When do you say, enough is enough?

((HS))
Sorry, I don't have any advice for you, as I have been dealing with this for only 10 months now. <p>I do know that my posting and being able to talk to others that know how I feel, understand where I am at this stage and can offer advice has been very good for me.
I haven't been on this board long, but I have been talking to friends and family.. I spilled my guts to them... and being able to express myself openly has been so helpful. <p>Welcome to the board... I am sorry that things are so awful for you right now.... Hopefully soon you can find the strength to do whatever it is that you decide to do..<p>Keep your chin up..<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</p>

Hidden shame, <p>I, too, would grow old of letting ow sleep with MY h. After all, he's supposed to be my h, right!? Wrong, i guess. I have fought the demons that you are fighting, know that you are not alone.<p>Wow, you've been lurking for 2 years and you've only now decided to introduce yourself. I wonder if there are more of you out there that are on a 'read-only' registration. Hi to anyone else who is just reading and is too bewildered to put pain into words. Well, we are here when you need us. <p>I really don't know what i would do if my h actually started having an affair with the same damn woman. I would probably then go on a violent rampage, jk of course. There are some stories here where the h's begin affair again and even get ow pregnant again. What horror!!! i can barely keep myself alive by dealing with one ow and one oc. And i know for sure of some women who's child was born really close to ow's child. <p>I think all i can say is that you just hang in there, rely on God's care and love when you feel and are abandoned. We have all been there, felt that, but God is good to never forsake us, even in the times when we forsake him. <p>Thanks for your input on my CS questions. It was very helpful. <p>God bless,
Julia

HS,<p>I just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers. You have to make a decsion and stick to it. Pray for strength. Let H know what he would be missing without you. Good luck.<p>Unsure

Hidden Shame,
I have not been in your shoes, in that my H was repentant and stopped the affair at DDay, but I like the Ann Landers question: Are you better off with him or without him?? After 3 years, I would say you've got your answer, esp. IF you have tried the Harley principles without success. It takes TWO to make a relationship work, not one, and certainly not three! (unless the third party is God)<p>Please consider some counseling just for yourself, to give you the strength to carry out whatever decision is best for you.<p>Prayers,
J

I want to thank all of the wonderful people for thier relies. It does help so much to know that you are not alone. I am sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was a little embarrassed by my post.."whinning" I just feel so stupid. My life is so backwards right now, I love him I hate him, I am happy, I am sad..bacially a freakin mess. Thanks again for the support!!!! It ment so much to me!