To anyone and everyone who either lurks, posts for the support, or posts to hurt:<p>Unlike a mathmatical problem, life problems never have one answer. For those of us who are christians, or trust in the Lord for our help/support...our answer is prayer and trusting that God will provide our answers. The big problem with that is that we don't always like His answers. Also, it often conflicts with other's who have received different answers to the same or similar problem. An example that is very close to my situation is that my H has chosen to be Abbi's Daddy, and that we will not ever let xOM know about her.(I know, many of you have supported our decision, and other's feel that xOM has a right to know. I won't get fully into it, but H and I would never bring a violent person, who threatened to kill my H, back into our lives) Abbi, and her brother and sister will be told the truth, and we also have the police report showing the xOM's violent tendencies.<p>There are other's who trust their feelings to help them get through this trying time. Now, even though this site is "Christian Based" I have never seen anyone try to "force" their beliefs on any other person, and welcome other's view points.<p>The time that we don't welcome others here is when they come to attack or hurt those here. Those who are having a very hard time, just having discovered either an A, OC, or both at the same time. It is a VERY painful discovery! Many times, it does come as a total surprise, and, like many have said, you are thrown into the middle of the craziest roller coaster ride, and without the "dramimine"(sp)! When others come here to judge, they should expect to be judged back, and dealt with. There ARE rules, and one of them is to respect the other posters, as they should respect you. If you come in here, with your very first post, attacking, then you started out breaking the rules for posting, and that shows that you either didn't read the rules, or just don't care.<p>There have been statements made, many times, that "if you don't agree with the board, we bann you from posting". That is not true, as I have read many different points of view. There are so many different solutions being played out here, all for the basic same problem. How to and who should raise the OC. My own personal experience with this is that my H has accepted our D(my oc) and another male poster is having a VERY difficult time supporting and accepting his W's oc. I have never once told him that he has to accept that child, but have just shared what I have been through. Another example is one of our newest posters, who is supporting her H's wish to be involved in his oc's life, but the xOW is making it almost impossible, and another poster who tried, but the xOW did make it impossible, and is still harassing them to this day. They both have strong opinions on their situations, but don't force their own solution on others.<p>I guess what I am trying to say(sorry I got long winded again [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )is that you will be welcome here if you come to help, offer support(doesn't mean you have to agree with them), offer advice, or seek help. You will NOT be welcome if you come to attack, hurt, or tear down what has been slowly built back up. If you come in with swords drawn, expect the same in return.<p>For those of you who know better than to take the bait, but do so any way, shame on you [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] I am being both light hearted and serious here. The reason I am both is that we have been through this how many times in the past year? Does it EVER help to take that bait and attack back? It usually goes away if we ignore it, so don't you think that is what we should do?<p>I, personally, have been lurking for a while, posting occasionally, because my H and I have been doing so well. I will never fully go away, but will slowly fade to the background. I have grown so much since my first post to Bystander, almost a year and a half ago! You have all been SO supportive, and I have many new cyber-friends that I don't know if I could have made it this far without you all! Please, don't be offended, anyone, with this post. I have just seen things go down hill with these situations of a poster coming here to attack, and we attack back. Don't look at it as a retreat, but as our defense, to just ignore, notify the moderators, and continue to help those who actually need it.<p>Love to all,<p>Tigger<p>[ January 21, 2002: Message edited by: tigger4jdt ]</p>

BRAVO!!!!!!<p>Well stated, Tigger.

Tigger<p>Yes, bravo, very well stated. Thank you for your words of support and help. <p>
(I told you guys I would check in when I could. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )

Tigger4jdt,Thankyou for being here to find the words to say that I could not through my "post trumatic stress disorder" response.<p>I prayed off and on at work today about my response.<p>It's like I was telling ow in OUR case why we aren't going to do a thing about her and the baby.<p>Geeze! I'm glad you came on to explain things calmly.<p>love
Debi

You all are welcome. I actually almost didn't "add new topic" when I was reading for typos. I wasn't sure if I was saying everything in the right way, but had just felt my fingers being lead as to what to write. I, myself, have actually been pretty quiet these days. Just dealing with our "seperation", and stuff going on between Sailorman and his mother. I do keep up with the board, but don't have the time to post much, so I guess it just all came out for this post [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thank you for the compliments. I'm not always so cool minded.<p>Love,<p>Tigger

^^^^^^up^^^^^^^<p>A great point! So Wisely Stated!<p>deserves to be reread!<p>
God will lead you to
No water He cannot part
No brink He cannot cross,
No pain He cannot bear.

Not to toot my own horn, but up to help and coincide with Catnip =^^=