Hello, once again, i will write that i know that i don't really belong here b/c i am a child/young adult of two parents who are going through a bunch of problems. If you want to know more info on me read my other thread. I like typing here b/c i can vent but i also get support and advice from all of you wonderful people. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
Well, I thought that i was finally taking everything really well that was going on between my parents, then i got grades from last semester, and then the fire. Grrrrrrr. Everything has gotten so frustrating. I don't know if i will be able to get everything done that is expected regarding school, my sorority, and my bf. <p>Mom had told me last week that she was probably move to plan B. I was plannning to go home for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day anyway, but i had also thought that they wouldn't be able to hide anything from me if i was there. (like they do on the phone) The whole weekend felt like the calm before a storm. It was errie and uncomfortable. I spent most of the time with my little bro playing a videogame that i borrowed for my bf for him to play. <p>Sat night we went to my little bro's basketball game. He played really well. A lot of people told me that it was the best he had ever played. I was so proud of him! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I drove on the was back. Mom and Dad were the only ones with me b/c bro rode w/ the team. No one talked for a full hour. THen mom asked out of the blue, "Have you gotten your medical results back yet?" Dad said "No.....i guess we aren't as far as i thought we were." That's all that was said. I didn't know whtat to say and it bugged me all night long. Sun i told bro what a great job he did the night before and played some more video games with him. I think that he was glad that i was home for a few days. <p>On Monday i had to leave to go back to school. Mom woke me up at 7:00 to say by. She also said that dad was supposed to have talked to me last night. I asked about what. She said that she asked him to move out. But not to tell dad that she told me b/c it was his job to tell me, but that she wanted to make sure that i knew in case he didn't tell me. (Dad has a history of not telling me stuff, like when he decided to change jobs in Nov. I found out by calling where he worked.) I couldn't go back to sleep so i just got up, showered and got ready. After my bro left for school Dad talked to me. <p>He said that him and mom both talked about him moving out so that they could take a break from each other. He said right now they are probably communicating more right now than in the last 10 years. He said that he is concerned about my bro (Imagin that!) and wants me to keep supporting him. Which i will. He said that bro is really hard to talk to and doesn't talk much about how he feels. I told him that bro learned that from him and mom, what did he expect? It to be easy? He said that mom also needed support. I said that i knew that. And that he needed support, too. I said that may be hard b/c he hasn't earned my my respect or trust yet. That i didn't know what i was going to be supporting. Yes, i would support him and mom BOTH being happy, whether it was together or not. But there was no way that i would ever support him to continue to see OW, ever. I said it would be hard for me to support him, b/c not only do i know what his intentions are, but i don't want to get hurt again. *sigh* That is about all that was said. I don't cry anymore when i talk to him about these things. I have pretty much become numb to it and everything else. He or mom may cry but i can't, not really, at least in front of them, i don't know what it is. My bf is pretty worried about me. Sometimes i feel myself coming out of this hole of depression. That's what it feels like, a hole. But othertimes, i just feel myself slipping back into it. I am getting some help, but i don't know if it is working. Even my counselor can't believe everything that has happened in the past year and a half---parents started going to counseling(didn't know for what reasons), grandfather died, his funeral was on my birthday but couldn't go to it b/c 1) it was in Arizonia 2) my initiation was that day, i flunked chemistry(first F ever!), one of my friends committed suicide, another one got in a bad car wreck and has short term memory damage to her brain, found out dad had an affair, found out he changed jobs by calling where he worked and was told he didn't work there anymore, found out mom was pregnant, next day found out that she miscarried that night, my sorority house caught on fire, and i don't think i will be able to get into a good 2-year program b/c my GPA isn't good enough, and now my parents separated. I am trying to look at the bright side though. I have a great brother and mom. She is trying her best. I also have a great boyfriend of 18 months. We are planning on getting engaged in a year or two and getting married after all of our schooling is done. <p>I guess i am rambling, as usual. Thanks for listening.<p>Blue

Detach, Blue, from your parents problems...not from your parents, just their problems. They need to work this out between them. There is nothing you can do to fix it. It's time to let go and let God and allow Him to work his miracles in His own time.<p>Your parents have a lot of work to do and it is their life and their problem, Blue. Sure, it certainly effects you and your brother, but you are both powerless to take on such intricate marital problems.<p>My kids totally detached and that was good...it saved them from the turmoil we were going through, and it wasn't fair for us to involve them. It was OUR marriage, not theirs.<p>When we were together for family things, we focused on them and acted like we always had as best we could even though they knew stuff was happening between us, but they respected our privacy and our need to work things out our own way...after all, they were young adults and not living at home and had their own lives like you do and your brother will in just a couple years.<p>It certainly is tragic that their stupid actions are trickling down onto you and your brother effecting your home base and family as you have always known it, but you have to let go and get refocused on your school, brother, lives, friends and get both of yourselves into some kind of therapy or support group ar just learn to talk together about the things going on in your house and comfort each other becasue what is happening to them has nothing to do with their love for you and your brother.<p>No matter what happens, Blue, that will never, ever change.<p>Stay strong, pray and let God handle this confusing mess. Pray that God will soften and heal their hearts and restore the family and the marriage. That is all you can do, Blue.<p>You and your family are in my prayers...<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=

Hey, Blue, Catnip responded to you I see. You got some pretty savvy advice from her. Right now, the best you can do is take care of you be there for your brother, your parents are going to have to find their way themselves. Unfortunately, parents become children in these situations and loose sight of the adult. It becomes the spoiled child ME ME ME first attitude, they do not consider the children they have brought into the world and what they are going thru.
However, as a mom who has walked a short while in your mom's shoes, it is hard to keep the individual child insight when trying to keep the marraige intact for the family.
Remind your dad that the grass is always greener on the other side, but just like the grass on the currnet home yard, it must be maintained. In other words, good relationships do not just happen, they are made by two individuals who love each other. If one loved the other once, they can love the other again if they are willing to try.
It is funny, (not Ha Ha), I told my H if he left me for the OW (otherwoman)), he would have custody of our two sons, who were 16 and 17 at the time. I felt that teenage boys need their fathers and he would have to fulfill that responsibility. I asked how his "sweetie" would feel with two hostile teen males in her house. My sons would have made their lives hell. She was only 7 years older than my oldest son at the time. I also did not envision a good time when my H traveled and left them with her. They would not accept her as an authority figure, when he left town, they would rebel royally. It wasn't a pretty picture. Honestly, I would not have given him MY SONS under those circumstances, but he did not know that, and he did know our sons. It gave him pause to think.
Well enough about my tactics, your mom must do what she thinks best. You must take care of your self and your brother must, sadly, grow up in a hurry. Help him do that as painlessly as possible.
On a positive note, the two of you can build a strong bond that no one else can assail. The bond between a brother and sister is special, and one I wish every sister and brother had. I have three brothers, we did not go thru this situation as children, but we have been thru this as adult siblings and we are more strongly connected because of it. I could not have gotten thru my time of sorrow with out my brothers.
Keep that in mind and make the best of YOUR life now. Stay strong.<p>TG