Okay, again, I am jumping ahead of myself. Thank you all for being so supportive and understanding...<p>There is a very good chance that my H will find out tonight that the OC has passed away. But, we are not sure.<p>How do I be there for him? I mean, I don't want to say anything stupid. I feel sorry for him, so it is not hard giving him support there and making him feel better, but I don't want to go saying "it's all for the best" - NO that would be bad and I don't really even feel that way, y'no, kind of, but not in respect to OC dying... Know what I mean?<p>? Do I just shutup and listen? What if he starts talking about OW, do I need to bite my lip? I mean, he may very well get down this rathole where he is like "I'm so sorry for what I did to her, she didn't deserve it, the baby didn't deserve it, etc", and THAT is what I think I will have the most trouble with so I need suggestions on stuff to say or ways to be prepared.<p>You know you can't really talk to a WS when they are in a fog, and I'm wondering if this is sort of the same way, only having to do with OC and not OW... What do you think? My H is not very rational (not that you would expect him to be).<p>So, I'm picking your brain - what are some ideas? We have already made plans to make love, cuddle and be very emotionally together tonight to help us both feel loved and special after getting whatever the news is. Of course, there's no guarantee that will happen, but...<p>Other ideas, I have just been seeming to say all the wrong things lately and it's hard to say the right things when the BS is dealing with OC. When we just talk about OC - I'm fine. But when we cross over and talk about OW and OC together, that's when alot of the bad stuff I feel for OW gets portrayed as if I felt it for OC - BUT I DON'T!!!<p>My words don't come out right. Anyone know what I mean?<p>Thanks, I want to be as prepared as I can be.
HbH

HBH,<p>I don't really know what to say. I hurt when I hear of any child being sick or possibly dying...regardless of their conception.<p>The only thing "I" would do in a situation like this is <p>1. Pray
2. Ask the Lord to put the words in my mouth
3. Listen and be a shoulder to be cried on, if need be.<p>I hope I never have to deal with something like this in regards to my OC. I don't wish ill will towards anyone. Praying that however it turns out...that wisdom will prevail and that it will all be worked out to the benefit of everybody.<p>Praying and Hugs,
Twiisty

Thanks Twiisty, I don't like to think about it either, but it is a reality for us. Thanks for the well wishes.<p>1 1/2 hours until we find out... I am on the edge of my seat.<p>Thanks everyone for the support. I am praying for all of you as well...<p>HbH

hbh,
My prayers for your family. I have lost one child at birth, 3 miscarriages, so I know that end of the stick but unsure how that devastation applies to the mixed feelings OC brings. <p>As for supporting your hubby, just try to meet him where he's at. Hopefully you can support his emotional needs just right so that this becomes a stronger bond between you. He might feel sadness, guilt, or anger... support him the best you can. Time to sort of PlanA empathize when his feelings are liable to be raging. Any loss reminds us of previous losses, so if he has any unresolved grief over, say, a parent or grandparent or someone important, that will come up too.<p>Just some off-cuff ideas. You know your H best. <p>Again, Prayers and good wishes,<p>J

Still praying and thinking of you...please let us know what happens? OK?<p>Praying and hugs your way,
Twiisty

hbh, <p>Sorry if you posted this elsewhere and I missed it. What happened? Just wondering because you say that you had 1 1/2 hrs to find out. Was there a surgery or something?<p>I hope that all is well with you and everyone involved. <p>My answer is to give him the support that he needs, the way that he likes it. I know that my mom will do to me as she likes done for herself. Do for him what works for him. Does he like to talk? If not, just hold him, don't say anything except that I'm sorry and if he want's to talk, you're there. <p>in peace,
tinlizzy

just to clarify.....i think that it is important to not assume that because you like support in a certain way, that that is the kind of support that he feels most comfortable with. (that was why I made reference to my mom)<p>t.l.

HBH,<p>I just wanted to tell you and your family are in my prayers. And I hoped everything is o.k. <p>Unsure

HbH,<p>Wanted to let you know support is here also for you and your family all the way out here in CA land. <p>Hugz,
L.

hbh prayers are being sent for all of you now.<p>Please let us know what's happened.<p>love
Debi

More prayers for God's will, and angel wings for everyone involved,<p>J

Grace under Fire! I can't really imagine your predicament, but it sounds like this is a no-win situation. I think that if you are the least bit unsure of what to say in such an emotional situation, DON'T SAY ANYTHING!!! Just be there for him emotionally, that will probably go further than almost anything to rebuild his love for you over the OW.<p>If you've ever lost a close loved one, such as a parent, you will probably remember a lot of emotions. I remember when I lost each of my parents, I was not emotionally close to my wife. If she said anything that, no matter how well intentioned, came across to me the wrong way, then the emotional distance between us would seem like a cavern.<p>You don't need to use words to support someone who is grieving. Use your arms instead.<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: Marshall59 ]</p>

My heart is w/ you hurtbyhubby... and lots of prayers...<p>Cali

Oh wow... nobody's heard?<p>I have been praying too...

Hi NB, I put an update here:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=35&t=002357<p>Thanks for your concern!
HbH

Okay, I'll go there... I don't read here much, but when I do there's always something so touching... and this touched me.<p>Okay, I'll go respond there, and thanks for the link.