My question concerns the making of a will. H and I own our own home. We have a 3 year old ds and I have a 21 year old dd who still lives with us. (aside: I raised dd on my own...not one cent of child support...her dad and I were both single and young...she's never met him and has grown up just fine without him!)<p>I want a will made giving dd guardianship of ds if anything should happen to H and I. I also want our house left to her so she will have a home to raise him in. <p>I've talked to H about it but never anything formally. I don't know how to say that I don't want any part of this house left to OC or his two other children (siblings of OC). I'm sure there are some who would think me cold, but to each his own I guess.<p>H and I split the cost of mortgage. I pay every other bill and pay for 90% of renovations to the house. Almost all of H's money goes to child support. I don't care if he leaves every worldly possession to them...I don't care if every cent in his name (and right now that's only about a couple hundred dollars) goes to them. I don't want them getting a part of the house that I've worked so hard on.<p>Any advice on how to approach this. <p>About a year before we got married H's mother died. He called OW and told her (remember they had 2 children before we married). Her first response to him was not, I'm sorry to hear of your mother's death. It was one less Christmas present for the kids. Shows you were her minds at..and I'm sure the apple won't fall far from the tree.<p>Is there a sensitive way to bring this up to H? I have been battling with this for almost 6 months now.<p>Thank you all for your help.<p>Take care,
Why

The laws concerning disinheriting a child are different in every state.
H and I had a will drawn up stating that we knowingly and intentionally left nothing to oc.
I would explain your case to your H just as you have put it here. You worked hard for that house and you would rather she not end up with any of it.<p>Jtigger

By the way. I perfectly understand the one less Christmas present comment.
My H was one of the 20,000 Ford employees that didn't know if he would have a job . OW called and told him she didn't care if his F***ing wife and kids starved to death, he better not try to get her support cut.
Shes one classy piece of work.<p>Jtigger

Why,
I understand completely where you are coming from. Dday for me was about 9 months ago now, and changing our wills was my first priority. I also have an adult child 22 and another 19. Guardianship was not a concern for me, but the residence was. The house was given to me by my parents almost 20 years ago, and was my childhood home, so I would be darn sure that OW and OCs would not be living in it. The house has always been in my name only. But my previous will left everything to H.<p>I have revised everything, and my will states that all will be divided equally between children. Nothing is left to H. He is the executor of my will. But to paraphrase the part of the residence it states "I hereby direct the Trustee to maintain my residence for the children until such time as the Trustee reasonably determines that neither child of mine no longer needs to live in the residence under my Trustee's care or after my youngest child has reached the age of 25 years. At such time my residence shall be sold and/or the building and land equitably divided as may be reasonably determined by my Trustee and/or Executor ot equitably adjust for the equal division of my Estate as contemplated in this my Last Will and Testament.<p>I don't think this is cold, just protecting my children. My H also in his will has made provisions for X amount to be distributed equally between all his children, his and ours. He has set up an insurance policy to take care of that. Everything else goes to me.<p>I even went as far as to have another legal document drawn up, (even though I am sure it wouldn't hold up in court)and had it signed by the three of us Me, H, and OW, stating that in the event of H death, I have no obligation hereunder with regards to the OC. Looks good, notarized, and such, and to her it probably will keep her satisfied.<p>Tina
dday 3/01
married 26 yrs
2 OC PA lasted 5 yrs
visitation 2Xweek

Jtigger, thanks for your response. I am at such a loss to try to fathom the amount of agony an affair causes. I shouldn't have to be thinking of this. I should be worrying about mundane things like night time potty training!
I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond. When I finally get the nerve to bring this up with H I will let you know what happens.<p>
Tina, your post made me think of a couple of other questions.<p>First, would it make more sense to have h agree to put the house in my name rather than to exclude them in the will from it.<p>Secondly, if h were to die before me (and I plan on being her for a LONG time!) could OW try to get anything out of me? Including money or property that was in my name only. Like I said before I don't care if his belongings are split between our child and his...I just don't want anything of mine to go to them.<p>It makes me wonder how there could even be a law that would require the wife of a deceased man to continue to support his children. Is there such a law anywhere. If there is that is INSANE!<p>My life insurance policies have always named only my two children (as well as my retirement plan). I pay for a life insurance policy for H (that I took out) to pay out to our son or to me in the event of his death.<p>Because he is diabetic a life insurance policy for him is not easy to come by, and if so, expensive. He has not been ordered to get a policy naming his other children. He was asked if he had medical insurance and he said no. I have insurance that I pay that covers him. I will not pay for them at all. Can I be made to?<p>HELP!!!!!!! This is all so overwhelming. I hate that he has done this to me and our child.<p>Thanks again for trying to set me straight.<p>Take care,
Why

It makes me wonder how there could even be a law that would require the wife of a deceased man to continue to support his children. Is there such a law anywhere. If there is that is INSANE!<p>Why,
I ask my H that question over and over. He keeps explaining it to me over and over. He has assured me that I am not liable for support payments in the event of his death. That is what his insurance policy is for, the continuation of his support payments till the ocs reach adulthood. <p>You know what is really difficult is that my brother is an attorney, I am so ashamed by this whole situation I can't ask him these questions. That is the one stipulation of this whole mess, my family never find out about. I am having such a difficult time trying to deal with this, and I do not need to have my family give their negative feedback. Even though I have done nothing wrong, they would not support me in my decision in staying and working on my marriage. <p>Which brings me to major stressful situation this weekend. Both H and I are going to visit my parents which I have not seen for 6 months, trying to act like life is grand for the empty nesters(H and I). My parents are in their late 80's and are both starting to decline healthwise, I don't want to burden them with my problems. I want them both to pass on knowing that because of adopting me, they gave me the best life a parent could give, and passed their only daughter on to a man they think has given me a wonderful charmed life. Too much to ask? I don't think so. <p>Tina