Hello to everyone,
I just wanted to post my version of being the OW w/OC. Started in 99’. This friend of my brother comes over, we get along real well, have seen him for the past year at my parents with my brother, ect. I knew he was separated and living alone for the past year. We started to fall for each other, and he moved in. Little did I know he was still seeing his wife. We would have his children over and I got along with the EX, ect. She had a boyfriend, mentioned getting a divorce and marrying the new guy. He started proceedings to get a divorce, ect. In the meantime, she was founded for child abuse and neglect for their 3 children. He started to act funny after about 3 months, not coming home, and other things. I asked him if he still cared about his wife, and told him that if wanted to try to make his marriage work, then who am I to stand in the way of that.
He left finally and went back to her. BUT would not stop coming over to my house or calling me or emailing me. I still had feelings for him and he knew that and played on my emotions. I ended up pregnant. At the same exact time she got pregnant too. I finally changed my phone #, sent any emails he sent me to her, and would tell her if I seen him or if he called. I didn’t know how else to get rid of the guy! I just wanted to be left in peace, to go on with life, raise my children and get my degree. Without another cheating, lieing [censored] in my life. How my life got to this point, I don’t know, but I lived and learned. I do not resent having my child. I love him with all my heart.
But here’s the dilemma. After 3 years, this guy WILL NOT leave me alone. He doesn’t ever want to come see his son, he only wants to come visit me. He emails, instant messages, and calls at least every other month. Called me when I was on vacation even. I just don’t get it. If he’s happy in his marriage and went back to his wife and living the life he wanted to live, WHY doesn’t he leave me alone!? I’m real sick of it all. If he was only contacting me about his Son, that would be different. But that is not his intentions. And I have No Respect for a father that doesn’t care about his son. I do respect the fact that if he had contact with his Son it causes problems in his family. So I am ok with him Not Contacting us.
Any suggestions on getting rid of this guy? I didn’t fight when he tried to have the c.s. reduced to a bear minimum of 150 a month. I even offered to let him just buy our son 50 savings bonds a month and to forget the c.s. but his wife wouldn’t allow that, saying that that wasn’t fair to me? Which, I don’t care, as long as he stayed out of our lives!
I’m not desperate, I’m just trying to go on with my own life. I’ve been doing whatever I can to detour him and if needs be put her mind at ease if she contacts me.

Get a life, woman!<p>MBers, please read...<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=35&t=002378<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>

out of respect and support for another user.
I remove this post<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</p>

Stacey_Lee
That was a good one, LOL! I guess we could introduce them, but he’s happily married, remember. I certainly don’t want to cause any more pain for his wife. She has been through a ton of lies and manipulations from him already. I did tell her I was sorry for everything. I pray every night, in Jesus Name, to forgive all of my sins, thank him for his love and protection, and to lead my children and I in the path of righteousness for his namesake. All I can do now is Let Go, Let God. He will work his miracles. In fact, I think he already has by keeping this man away from me as much as possible. I do believe Satan tries to get his grabs on me by having him contact me over and over again. But I try to stay strong in the Lord and pray about it every time it happens.<p>BTDT
Quote “Hmmm... Find a nice man and get married!?!”<p>I am completely happy with being single. I have had enough of being hurt by men. I don’t think I should have to find another spouse just to ease the mind of his wife or to keep her H away from me. I’ve been lied to, impregnated, abandoned, and left to raise my child on my own. Believe it or not, I don’t want to risk falling in love again and getting hurt all over. It’s been 3 years now and I truly believe Love is not in the cards for me. I have already offered a low $50 savings bond a month to them instead of c.s. I have gotten off public medical assistance and am now paying for my son’s medical insurance and deductibles. That way the State can’t come after them for the c.s. any more. I’m not after his money, or am I after him. And even if those two ever did separate again, I certainly wouldn’t take him back.<p>Another thing that really urks me is that he tells his wife that we are still sleeping with each other. I don’t know if things get rough at home, or if he doesn’t think she wants him anymore, or what. The only reason I can think of why he would say these things, is to make her jealous and make her want him more. She emailed me last summer and said that she knew we were sleeping together and that I was a whore, that I would never get him permanently, and ended the email with “Thanks for Spicing up our Marriage!” After I read that, I was like, WHAT!? I tried to reply to her message and tell her that we had NOT slept together. But the message was sent back to me. She must have blocked my email address.<p>I’m real sick of being put in the middle of their Mass Hysteria’s and as far as I know using email messages is not creditable evidence in court.

GCT,
I usually do not respond to postings, but yours was so close to what I had been through in years past, I felt I must reply. I too, had an man like that in my past. The comments from the wise ladies above is right..It's scary! Can you get a restraining order against him? That would be the best bet. But, if the law enfourcement in your state is not up to par sometimes it makes it worse. I mean by the way they enforce it.<p>Can you talk to the wife? Yes, I understand that she has been through an enourmous amount of pain, but she does have a right to know. You are not protecting her, in a way your protecting him.
Have you thought about having the MM give up rights on the child? If he is not intersted in the child, then maybe that would be for the best?? Just an Idea.
I truly feel for you and the pain you are going though, it is hard. Hang in there! You are doing the right thing. <p>I do think he might be using you to make his W feel bad, or maybe to keep her at a low level of self-esteem?? I don't think you are dealing with a normal-balanced person please be careful!

Psycho is far to mild a word for the crap he has pulled. I guess after all this time I’m used to all this unbelievable bull####. HE IS the author of confusion.
The wife emailed me a few months back and told me that they would be going for custody and visitation and that she just went and paid a large sum to the lawyer to have this done. I wrote back and asked her: “Why, after all this time would you guys do that?” She told me that she was sick of me using my son to get to him. I was like “That’s the pot calling the kettle black.” That was just the opposite of what was going on. I told her to tell him to give up parental rights then. She wrote back and said he didn’t want to. I said “Well my mom said you two could come over and get to know the little boy at her house while I’m at college. That way I wouldn’t be there” She said good idea. At the same time we were emailing back and forth he calls. I offered him the same I told her. At least until his son gets to know him in a comfortable, familiar environment. Then they could take little trips together and eventually he could go stay at their house for the weekend. He said “No”. I asked him “Why not?”
And he told me “because I like seeing you”. Well, needless to say, his wife didn’t believe me. So I had to send her all the emails he had wrote me. Example, he emailed and asked what I was doing that day. I told him nothing and I said if he wanted to see his son it was ok. He wrote back and said “Son and Fun!”
There have been many of these emails from him, and I send them to W if I have to. But it always causes a fight between them and I don’t want to be the cause of these fights either.
When I was pregnant, I caught him sitting at the end of my block one day. So I emailed her and told her to keep him away from me. He must have seen that email before she got it and he emailed me back saying, “Your baby will be mine”. Talk about creepy.
Yeah this has gone on for too many years now. Like I said before, it’s been 3 years and he never stops! Does anyone have legal advice on how to go about stopping this kind of harassment? Specifically, anything that would be tangible in court?

GCT
This has got to be hard on you! Have you tried to get a restaining order? I think if you were to show a judge, or get a lawyer to show a judge, the emails that you decribed, that might have an influence on your case. I would document everything. I take it you have told him to leave you alone. That would really scare me if I found MM sitting down the street watching me. Sounds like he is a snake. And a scary one at that! Do you fear for your safety? What about your c? Take Care and God bless you.

<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>

BTDT:
I respect a God fearing man. A man that will lead his family to church like the bible says to do.<p>But since I have been married before and divorced, the bible says not to marry again and I am trying to live a christian life now. So I will concentrate on God, raising my children, and getting my bachelor's degree.<p>Thank you for all your advise and best wishes.
God Bless<p>[ January 26, 2002: Message edited by: godschildtoo ]</p>