My husband used to smoke marijuana years ago. We had some problems with his use, and currently have to live out of the county for another 18 months. Recently (last 4 months) I have come suspected he is doing it again. Even more recently I have found some evidence. I have to confront him about this, But i know what he will say. He will swear that he is not doing it and that will be that. How do i get through to him that his smoking will ruin our marriage. I love him so much, and I dont want to leave him, but I am confused. He has been going to NA meetings for the last year, and he said they are just boring, so i know they arent doing him any good. What can I say to get through to him??

Sarina

Hi Cali,
Can you go to the NA meetings with him? How about a MC? If you have real evidence, he cannot deny it. What has worked before? How to get through to him? Cry, leave, write a letter... what ideas do you have? Give us some background. Take care - Dru

Cannabis is not addictive, despite what some people will insist. Therefore, I see no need for NA meetings.

How can smoking ruin your marriage? It must be the lying that will ruin your marriage, and if you only nag him about the smoking he will continue to lie.

Without promoting illgal activities, I would much prefer my husband to perpetually smoke cannabis than have an alcohol problem. Alcohol makes people abusive, arrogant and ill and causes loss of control, which often leads to unplanned infidelity. Cannabis makes people calm and docile and lowers the blood pressure.

Cannabis is not addictive, despite what some people will insist.
Wow, you REALLY bought into the hype, didn’t you?

Therefore, I see no need for NA meetings.
?? Why not? Don’t you think that it could be a good support group for help to quit using?

How can smoking ruin your marriage?
Same way use of anything which one spouse doesn’t like can.

Cannabis makes people calm and docile and lowers the blood pressure.
Perhaps, he sits around being docile and doesn’t do anything, therefore his marriage is failing?

http://www.peele.net/faq/addictive.html
http://www.canoe.ca/Health0010/16_marijuana-ap.html
http://www.drugaddictiontreatment.info/marijuana.htm
http://www.marijuanaaddiction.info/
http://www.newscientist.com/hottopics/marijuana/clinic.jsp

First of all, we live in Mexico. The reason we have to live here is because my husband has to wait 3 years to get a visa because of his marijuana smoking. The law is that you have to be sober for 3 years in order to immigrate to the US. So his continued smoking is ruining our marriage. He knows i dont like living here and cant wait to move back to the US. We only have 18 months to go before our next interveiw, and if he doesnt get on track he wont get his visa. He is required to go to NA meetings to prove to the gov't that he is quitting. I would love to go with him for support, but the meetings are in spanish, i have offered to go anyway but he says no. We had a long conversation a few days ago, and i think he now realizes that i will be gone if he doesnt quit. He promised to take his meetings and our marriage seriously. Only time will tell....

Chris-CA123

Thanks for backing me up..

Sarina

Pot can be addictive. If it weren't, your husband would stop cold turkey, no question, so as to attain your mutual goal (living in the U.S.A.)

Whether it's the cannibis he's addicted to, or the habit of toking up, the ritual of rolling the joint, finding a place to light up and doing a "doobie," or the high he gets when he takes a hit, it's an addiction.

How do I know? I'm an ex pothead. Used to roll a joint and get high first thing in the morning, go for a run, go to work, drink black coffee if I had to "get straight" for an assignment, then toke up on the way home in the car, and party til bedtime.

There are still triggers that make me feel nostalgiac for the ritual and the high, but my metabolism and my life have changed radically, and that life is far behind me.

I quit cold turkey when I hit 30. I'm glad I did. People I know who kept smoking are trapped in a 70's time warp, they are uninteresting and uninterested - their lives center around other heads who like to get high.

They're not evil, they're just boring.

Are you sure your H attends these meetings? He might just go in, sign in or whatever they do, and wander out again. Addicts who aren't commited to quitting complain that their AA or NA groups are "boring" and that the people are "boring."

By the way, I also lived in Mexico for quite awhile. Loved the people and the country but I'm so glad i'm an American and that we live here.

As an LEO, I can assure you that cannabis is indeed addictive and is a gateway into stronger, more lethal drugs. Those supporters of pot or any other illegal substance need to get their head out of the sand and face reality. I have seen too many accidents, too many domestic issues, and too many escalations into stronger drug use to advocate legalizing this drug. It is addictive, it is mind-altering, it is destructive.

It's amazing the lengths that some people will go to rationalize drug use. Maybe if he put as much time and effort into the marriage as he did into his marajuana use, and redirected his energies from handling consequences of use into romance, things would be different? No.

Oh, I guess it's okay then. Illegality issues aside, the fact that there are HUGE consequences and he continues to do it implies addiction.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt...geez, this really yanks me into a twist!

IF it's not addictive, he shows so little regard for your feelings, AND your safety (because if you are in the house with marijuana, the police will arrest YOU, too), that you are better rid of this selfish potatohead.

My ex also refused to quit, even smoked in public at a concert in front of me, knowing how I felt about breaking the law. I was livid. That one issue, his refusal to stop the marijuana, should have warned me of the MANY problems that would arise from his selfishness and lack of regard for me.

Ditch the boob if he won't straighten up and fly right. He's endangering your marriage, and YOU.