I think I might be the OC of a long term affair. The more time that passes, the more I believe this to be true. My mother had several long term affairs and one of them coincides with my birth. I would not want to hurt my father and no matter what he is my father because he raised me. I don't want him to know this because it would just cause him great pain. But, I need to know. I cannot ask my mother. She would only scream and yell at me and cause problems in my life. Does anyone know how I might find out without disrupting everyone's lives 30 years after the fact?

Not a thing in the world wrong with this post, don't worry!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have a similiar (kind of - you'll see when I write) story and we can talk... be right back...

Okay, here goes:<p>The part of our story that is similiar won't be evident at first, but follow me and we'll get there.<p>I was born in December of 1958. Two months later, my birth father was dead. I never knew him (although I suppose if I could be hypnotized I might get a memory or two - who knows?). <p>Two years later, my mother remarried the man she is still married to, and he adopted me. <p>When I was six, my mother sat me down and told me the "truth" without a bunch of emotional stuff, just that my natural father had died, and my daddy, who I adored, had adopted me and he was my real daddy, just as if he had made me himself.<p>He is the most wonderful dad in the WORLD. They had another daughter, and I was NEVER treated any differently by him than she. I was fully loved by my father. <p>My mother... well now.... that WAS a different story. She hated me. I never knew why.<p>I tried to ask questions over the years, but she told me that it was none of my business, and that if I pursued it, it would *hurt* my dad. THAT'S THE LAST THING I WANTED. So, I stopped asking for years.<p>When I was eighteen, I asked again. My mother hadn't saved any pictures of the man who was my father, wouldn't answer any questions about him... not even about how he died. I pressed her, and she wove a fantastic tale about the way he died. It didn't ring true, so I went to the only other person who *might* know the truth, her mother, my grandmother. She told me the truth about his death (which I won't go into here). <p>Anyway, when I was 30-something, I took a Psych class and long-story-short, this memory came back to me and I thought, I must know the truth. Why did my mother lie? So, I went to my mom, and she kept to her original story, only adding that he was abusive and she didn't want to EVER talk about him.<p>Soooo... this left me with some unanswered questions that I fear I will NEVER have the answers to. This man who was my birth father also had a son, who I will never know. A brother. I have a brother. OH well, what can I do?<p>I did do internet searches, and I did actually find his gravestone, so I know for a fact he existed. The people in the cemetary were understanding of my plight, and actually showed me a copy of the death cert, which proved he was married to my mother. <p>There's ways of finding things out, but it just depends on how far you want to take it. I'm sure you must have a copy of your birth cert? Does it list your dad (the man who raised you?)? What else have you done so far to find out the truth? Do you have an idea who the long-term affair is with?<p>It's very interesting... and scary, I know.<p>Best wishes... and I'd love to hear about your progress.

Thank you so much for understanding and posting. It meant a lot to me. <p>My mother is not unlike yours. We have a love/hate relationship that I have never understood. My birth certificate lists dad as my father. He does not question this. <p>I began to question my paternity a few years ago when my own children were born. My blood type is not the same as everyone else in my family. I did some research. A specific blood test might rule out my dad as biological father. But it would not confirm who (even if it's him) is my bio father. I'm going to phone my doctor in the morning and see if I can get the test completed anyway.<p>My mother maintains an emotional connection with the man in question - an emotional affair. She saw him as recently as six months ago. A series of curious events are making me seriously question everything I thought I knew right now. I'm going to do an internet search on him tonight and see if I can find photos of him or information about him. <p>Thank you for your post. I really appreciate it. There's way more to this, and I'm just not sure how much I want to post right now. It's all sort of blowing up in my face this weekend. It is scary to wonder if you are who you thought you were for your whole life.

Dear Who Knew, <p>Welcome to MB. I wanted to share the post I made to you on Tempest's thread. You situation is important and some here may be able to lend their support. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Who Knew,<p>This subject thread made by the moderator does not pertain to your post. You have a very very good support communicating with you right now and will be given whatever support we can. I will also put a copy of this response on your thread. <p>Take Care,
L.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Please keep posting. <p>Take Care,
L.

whoknew,<p>You probably already know this, but DNA samples (via blood or cheek cells, simple swab) will tell you if a man is likely to be your bio-father. The problem is, you'd have to either involve your realtime dad or whatever guy you think your mom was... you know. You'll want to think carefully before opening that can of worms, so to speak. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.<p>Good luck to you,<p>J

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 04:20 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>