I'm giving this its own thread instead of completely hijacking Lydia1's.

My H made his decision regarding alcohol or me. He didn't pick me.

I was slightly in shock, as the way it came out was unexpected. I was prepared for him to say he'd do it, but not follow through. I was also prepared for him to whinge and whine but to have a go at it. What I wasn't expecting was for him to tell me to go because he didn't want to hurt me anymore than he had.

We have agreed on shared care of our 9yo son - he will live primarily with my H, who will drop him off in the mornings (early start). I'll drop him off at school and pick him up in the afternoon, and he'll stay with me until H finishes work about 5. We'll alternate weekend care, with flexibility due to sporting commitments etc. This way our son will still get plenty of time with both of us.

I'm in the process of arranging somewhere to live; I'm applying for a 2br unit, that way my son can have his own space at my place. It's the next suburb over from my H's house.

The split, though painful, is amicable, and we're hoping we can be better friends than lovers.

When we told our son of the plans, he later asked me to explain what the problem was. I said that Dad and I still loved each other, but we weren't able to live together as we were making each other unhappy, and told him it was grownup stuff and hard to explain. He asked me to at least try, saying, "If I know what the problem is, maybe I can fix it."

I said, "No, I'm not going to explain it because it's private, and between me and Dad. It's not your responsibility to fix it, it's mine and Dad's."

He accepted this, I think with relief.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> That is too sad. I'm so sorry. Your son is really wonderful. I hope your husband will have a change of heart and things are better than ever for you all. Do something nice for yourself today. Think happy thoughts. Remeber that old saying, EGBOK - everythings gonna be okay! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks iMaccami; I agree, he is a special kid, but of course I'm biased <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

I doubt there will be another chance - this is the end of the line as far as I'm concerned. I'm not going to sit around waiting for H to give up drinking. He has made his decision, and I am going to get on with life.

It has been an issue our whole life together, though I rarely made much fuss. I just tried to deal with it. I've come to the realisation that I can't deal with it, being the child of alcoholics. All I was asking was to be met halfway on this one. Unfortunately, I need not to live with an alcoholic, and my H needs to drink. I would have been prepared to stay and support him in giving up if he'd *wanted* to give it a go, but he doesn't. Big LB...

Anyway, I laid my cards on the table, and he made his choice. Oddly enough, I feel relieved. The first day I cried constantly, grieving for what we *could* have had, I think.

After that, I just felt a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I told him that I thought that he had issues of his own to sort out, that drinking is a symptom, not a cause, and that was something I couldn't help him with. He agreed.

Anyway..it's an amicable breakup. We want to keep it that way, not only for our son, but because we respect and like each other too much to destroy our friendship.

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: Tryn ]</small>