Hey....I finally got that return receipt about a week ago.....UNSIGNED....our CS check for 01/10 has remained uncashed...since the return receipt is unsigned (and we PAY for that to be signed) we don't know whether she has the check or not. I know I have to call our atty. to ask for advice, but I'm wondering what the deal is?<p>Is it wrong to send CS payments certified mail/return receipts? Our atty and even our MC didn't think it was...after all...no contact...<p>is it a deal on ow's end? Is it really the post office screwing up THREE TIMES? Is that unheard of? or is OW playing games? I don't know....I have an uneasy feeling...I better get on the phone and trace the certified letter and go from there.....<p>Any advice? we can't directly depost to her account...we need as much paper trail as we can. I guess....<p>*sigh*<p>more work....oh well.......<p>Twiisty

I think you are doing the right thing. You send the cs your responsibility ends there. If she don't cash it or pick it up, that is not your fault. I agree, a paper trial is the way to go. I was wondering are you ordered to pay the cs? Or did you guys set this up out of court. Maybe there is some way to go through the court house on this?? I know that is how my sister and her exH have setup cs payment, then there is no question to what has been payed or not. Just an Idea.

We filed to establish paternity via dna...we were ordered, but we said that was never the problem..paying CS that is...we just wanted to make sure that we are indeed paying for his genetic contribution.<p>The DHS got involved becasue OW was on welfare. Our court dockets crossed. We filed in a higher court (which saved our butts)....anyway.....<p>when the dust all settled, OW apprached our atty and we agreed to settle out of court. We settled and atty arranged for us to pay OW directly, via mail...whatever we decided to do. It worked out so far. <p>I talked to my ATTY today and was pretty much told what you said...our responsibility ended there...it just seems to me that she isn't in a hurry to pick up the money that "she so desparately needs to care for OC"....<p>I hope that she gets married soon...and I wish her and her hubby a long and happy life. I really do. Maybe then we can all go on in peace with our respective lives.<p>*sigh*<p>I just don't want something to snowball and grow into an avalanche...so I figured I better let all parties involved know that I am on top of this situation as my H is clueless when it comes to this stuff...I have years of dealing with this stuff via my ex-hubby and the games he and his family love to play with me.<p>anyways...thanks for your response...I feel better now.<p>Hugs to you, and praying for you too HS....
Twiisty

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I just don't want something to snowball and grow into an avalanche...so I figured I better let all parties involved know that I am on top of this situation as my H is clueless when it comes to this stuff...I have years of dealing with this stuff via my ex-hubby and the games he and his family love to play with me. <hr></blockquote><p>I couldn't agree more! Doesn't it seem like about the time we don't dot one i that is the one that comes back to haunt us. You have ever right to be careful.<p>You are like me and many of the other W in here, I have no problem paying the cs once fatherhood was established, we to had dna done, well the state did. And I do believe it is the father responsiblity to pay for the child, even though in most cases it is unfair. Laws are laws. <p>Not to go off the subject, but it is a shame the way cs ect..is all set up. H don't pay he goes to jail, and I see the need for that, don't get me wrong, but if anyone where to go into a business and steal the assests, they would be accountable to the law, why should it be any differant in a marriage? I don't know just something that burns me..<p>Sorry to ramble..just got to thinking.
HS

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>but if anyone where to go into a business and steal the assests, they would be accountable to the law, why should it be any differant in a marriage? <hr></blockquote><p>That is an interesting point...and if my memory serves me somewhere...a woman did just that..sued the ex-OW for something....darn, wish I could remember it....but she was married for years and years...and if my memory serves me correctly, the BS was rewarded quite handsomely too...at the time, it stood out in my mind, which is why I remember it...but when I need to look into it again...can't remember a thing.....dagnabit!<p>Unfortunately the argument that can be used against my H in this case is that he left the door unlocked for her to go in and "steal the goods"....I hold my H equally responsible...
But I support him in his decision regarding whether he wants to see OC or not and due to OW's behavior and stuff...He chose no contact for the best interest of the child as well as the wife and children of the home...<p>I wish there was some way to take my OW to court and sue for the emotional damage that was done to the home. The stress she put my H under in which he almost killed himself over it...but my H has himself to blame for allowing it too so he would be implicated in court right alongside with her...<p>I can only hope and pray that as time goes on...my wounded heart will heal. That I will feel better about myself and my marriage and that my wedding ring won't mock me anymore.<p>It takes time, God and me and H willing to work at whatever it takes to try to get back something the devil tried to steal and destroyed...and this case....the devil used sex and an OW....we are all weak. WE all have different weaknesses....
I keep praying and taking it one day at a time.<p>Hugs to you and prayers too,
Twiisty

Twiisty,
I hope I didn't come off like my H is blameless. I think I saw, somewhere on here, a W call her H a serial cheater. For that is exactualy what my H is. He didn't just leave the door open, he had a flashing neon sign that lit up when ever I wasn't around, and to be honest, sometimes when I was. OW isn't the first, but I pray she will be the last.<p>We are all weak! So true.. I sometimes wonder, if my weakness is H? I mean, am I doing the right thing? I am I weak because I am scared to be alone, and so I let H treat me this way? Or am I being strong and keeping a M togeather? Some days the line between the two seems so thin.<p>I tried supporting my H is his choice to see oc. Now that was a roller coaster ride in its self. One day, H would say I want nothing to do with oc, next it would be I want to see oc, I feel bad. Back and forth we would go, as I am sure alot of people do. There is no doubt about it, it's hard. I still to this day don't know where he stands. I have sat back and let him turn that wheel so to speak.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>It takes time, God and me and H willing to work at whatever it takes to try to get back something the devil tried to steal and destroyed...and this case....the devil used sex and an OW....we are all weak. WE all have different weaknesses....
I keep praying and taking it one day at a time.
<hr></blockquote>
My thoughts....your words.<p>Thank you for being so kind to me, you are a treasure to all! (I believe someone said that earlier, I just wanted to ditto it.. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>HS

Twiisty, <p>Was the phrase you were looking for possibly,<p>Alienation of Affection?<p>I have heard of a couple of cases where the BS's that have sued the OWs and won.<p> [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Twiisty,<p>Something jumped out at me in this thread. You said:<p>&#8220;The DHS got involved because OW was on welfare.&#8221;<p>Is she still on welfare? If she is and you settled out of court, she&#8217;s receiving support from H and the state, which is against the law! If OW is still receiving state aid, CS payment is supposed to go to the state and they will distribute whatever she is entitled to AFTER they take a portion to go towards what they are already paying her. If she's not reporting the CS to her worker, she's committing welfare fraud. If she is, she could and most likely would, be prosecuted. Depending on how much money she received that she wasn&#8217;t entitled to, it could be a felony. She would have to pay back every dime, pay a hefty fine, additional court expenses, AND do something like community service or jail time.

Hidden Shame,<p>I knew what you were trying to say and I think Stacia said it best..."alienation of affection" and I feel I have a valid case in that...but I wonder if I had to be married for more years??? Worth looking into..if not, something to just dream about since I am tired of this whole mess with my OW anyways....<p>OB1...<p>You are correct, if she is getting welfare benefits and still collecting, then she is in trouble. We were served papers about three weeks to a month ago from DHS stating that she is not represented by them anymore and that we are to pay her directly for child support and that they dropped her from whatever it was they dropped her from.<p>I know how important it is to get child support being on the receiving end (or lack thereof) because of my ex-hubby. The first thing I said to OW after I came out of my shock was this..." you will get your child support and we will put OC on our insurance...BUT...that is pending dna testing. I am not paying for a lie in a desparate attempt to be a part of my H's life." she replied, "fine...if you want to pay for it go ahead"...I pretty much knew that my H was the bio-dad...I wanted to believe otherwise...*sigh*<p>anyways..thank y'all for your interest...we will move on and we will go on and I know that at least I will heal....<p>Incidentally, the Post Office called, (I broke down and cried to the woman and probably shared more than I should have...I'm such a deaf crybaby! ) Anyways..this woman called back and told me she spoke to her supervisor and that they are going to go the extra mile to not only track this letter, but if OW signed the certified part to get me a copy of that as well as a letter from the post office with "proof of delivery" if such delivery was made....<p>There are good people out there....I know God is watching out for me....*sigh*
Hugs to y'all...
Twiisty

Twiisty,<p>Don't let OW stress you. As long as you have a paper trail it's up to her to cash the check. We sent exOW something and requested a signature conformation exOW waived her signature. I called the post office and asked them why they would still deliver the letter without a signature they said I o.k.'d it. It was in the small print they did provide me with proof of delivery. It's crazy don't let her get to you. And keep praying.<p>
Tee