"Are there any members here whose husbands are fathering their other children who may be able to give me some feedback as to what the best way is to handle it?"<p>
To answer your question Emily, the oc is no longer welcome in my home. My h and I have spent close to 4,000.00 and two years fighting for visitation, and we enjoyed the company of the oc for less than a year. During that whole time the xow, who might I add was a mere one night stand, during a brief separation, fought us and tried every trick in the book to end the visitation. She refused to allow the oc to call my h dad, she accused us of not feeding the oc, and we have two healthy children, aged 7 and 3. She tried to blame allegies on not wanting the oc in our home. The oc never had allergic symtoms while over our house it was only after he got home he had hives or sniffles. These were all just tricks to get it over with.<p>You claim you are glad the men have to pay support, well we pay hundreds a month, but the xow refuses to acknowledge my h as the father and only wants that check. We want the oc to know his father and silblings. <p>After all else has failed and we continue to win in court and get all the visitation we request regardless of the fight the xow puts up, she has now resorted to the lowest low. The oc, after spending a wonderful weekend at our home, which included two birthday parties and a football game, returns home with a small bruise on his face. We can not figure out how it come but that the last few hours or his visit when the kids are out in the yard riding bikes, throwing a football around and doing handstands on the lawn. The xow calls children's services the next day, and to make a long story short, an accusation turns into an arrest, and now again thousands of dollars spent on what. Bail and a lawyer to clear this all up.<p>Our xow wants a paycheck for having a child and does not want any involvement from my h or my children not to mention me. Please do not lecture on doing the right thing there is not one right thing when it comes to these xow, everyone does not all fit into a one right thing to do. Look at what doing the right thing has done to my family. HOW MUCH MORE SHOULD MY H PAY FOR ONE MISTAKE? Having a one night stand that I have forgiven him for but the xow seems to not want to let go of the fact that he wanted to stay with me and not play house with her for the rest of his life. My family does not deserve all the heartache and pain we have suffered over TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR THIS OC.<p>So now after all is said and do and all the money we spent on trying to get the visitation, our lawyer has advised us that even after this last chapter in my painful life is over, the oc is a danger to my family, who knows what we will be accused of next. Now I know that the oc is a pawn to the xow and that she planted all the seed in the oc head but enough is enough my family can not deal with the emotional and finiacial strain much longer.
So I ask you now who are any of us to say what the right or wrong thing is when dealing with whether or not to have contact. <p>We are not here to judge others , only to help, support, give advise, comfort, guidence and most of all to rebuild or marriages and familes. If contact with the xow or oc is not going to help gain the end result of a happy and healthy marriage and family, there is your answer. If contact and parenting the oc will help a marriage and family than again there is your answer.<p>We thought the contact with the oc would help or family and marriage, we clearly want the child in our lives and look at the thanks we got. Again I will close with one thought that I have always stood by in all my many months on these boards, there are no right or wrong answers, no two families, no two couples are the same. <p>I thank all my dear friends that have been there for me over the last year and most importantly the last few months. This board is a true haven and place I cherish. Peace and love to all my wonderful friends. Court for us is this Friday I will let you all know. Gabi1116<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: gabi1116 ]<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: gabi1116 ]</p>

Just wanted to say you go girl! Good luck in court and let us know how things turn out. <p>Tee

Good Word, you have obviously fought the good fight. In the midst of all of satan's ill-fated attacks on yet another marriage, God is pleased with you and your family for your courage. God will never lead you to temptation... it seems now it is time to pick up the pieces and nurture and heal after a well-fought battle.<p>God Bless,
Julia

Julia and Unsure, thank you so much for your words of encouragment. I have been keeping this thought in my head for months since my h's arrest and I pray and repeat it each day,<p> Will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?...He will see that they get justice, and quickly." (Luke 18:7,8) <p>Julia, I have been reading the recent posts by your h and yourself and it really seems that you are both doing well. I am truely glad for you. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prays. Unsure, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers also with your up and coming events and the visitation process. Hope all goes well for you. <p>All my dear friends you are all always in my thoughts and prayers, and I will fill you all in as soon as Friday is over and court is done. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers each day this week. Peace and love to you all Gabi<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: gabi1116 ]</p>

Gabi.....<p>praying for you for Friday....I am interested in hearing how you do...praying and thinking of you...<p>Hugs,
Twiisty

Gabbi: I haven't spoken to you in a long time. I lurk often on the boards during the day as my kids don't let me stay on but for a few minutes at a time, and the nights are spent catching up.
I know what you have been thru, and you know in your heart that you have done all that you could to open your arms to this child. But you are right, how much are you expected to endure with no reciprocation?
I too, will keep you in my prayers for friday and all the days after. God will be with you too, and I know you know that.
Keep us posted...NGU

gabi,
What horrors you have been through!! I'm so sorry. I hope things get better for your family, whatever you decide. Everyone has their limits.<p>Prayers,
J

Twiisty, NGU, Jenny, Thanks so much for your kind words and prayers. You are all in my thoughts and prayers daily. Peace and love to you and your families. Gabi1116

Gabi,<p>I will admit it; you have been through my worst nightmare. To have your kindness and generosity used against you. I had never thought of the situation turning ugly once visitation was established and worked out. <p>I hope and pray our exOW is more stable than that.<p>I am sorry for what you have had to go through and I pray that everything goes your way in court on Friday.<p>MJ

gabi,
You guys hang in there in just a few days hopefully this will all be over. The judge has got to see this for what it is.
I cant help but picture you guys on Judge Judy suing this broad for all the damages she has caused. Can you imagine what that
women would do to her. I am hoping with all my heart that this all works out for you guys.
with love, flowerseed

Flowerseed, Thanks for the words of encourgement. I really appreciated your thoughts and prayers. Just to clairfy, you said you were sure the judge would see this for what it is, well it will not be a judge that needs to see it for what it is, but a whole jury. Friday is the date for the inditment, grand jury, so if the jury does not think the case is trial worthy they will throw it out, if they indite my h them we will have to go to trial. Keep us in your prayers this week. Thanks again, and Peace, Gabi

Gabi,
I feel your pain. I saw your bible quote and was overwhelmed. I am so conflicted about what to do with our situation. I will be praying for you and thinking of you all day on Friday.<p>Your words are sending me in the direction to just drop all this chaos. (Read "You were all right...) You may have already, but I dont remember right this second.<p>I just dont understand the motives of the ow. How could they possibly believe that they are doing what is best for the oc? I know God will help the grand jury come to the just decision.<p>Sending hugs and best wishes....tryin