I don't post regularly, but I read often. my H had an A 3 yrs ago and resulted in an OC that I just found out about 11/01. We are really trying to regroup and keep our family together. I love my H but some days I am an emotional wreck. (crying at the drop of a hat, etc.) We have a 6 yr old. H has no contact with OW or OC. I have mixed emotions about no contact with OC. It wasn't her fault. But I also know that I couldn't handle OC in my life. I had previously decided not to have any more children due to the fact that I'm 36 and have hypertension.. But now I'm having second thoughts about the decision. H had a Dr. appointment yesterday to discuss a vasectomy. With the birth of the OC I now feel like I'm forced not to have a baby. I know I had previously decided not to....but now I don't know. Have any of you gotten pregnant after H affair? Did you go thru emotional turmoil? HELP! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

JordyJordy....<p>I know how you are feeling...I have run the gamut of feelings about OC and all to like you said you did, but I had to seriously sit down when the emotions calmed down and really look at all angles and what was best for ALL our family and what we thought was best for OC too and due to her mother's (OW's) antics, we felt it was best for NO CONTACT...but alas, that is what was best for us and our particular situation. I pray that when things calm down a bit, that you and your H would decide what is best for you...there are no right or wrong answers only what is best for you and your family.<p>I found out about our oc when my son was two weeks old...found out our OC was two weeks older than our 2 year old DD...that was a shock to me.<p>I had always wanted to have three children with my H, but felt that now it would be not a wise idea...it would send my H over the edge as I am a stay at home mom and he would freak over finances...so essentially, OW kinda "took away" the third child that I would have liked to have had with my H.<p>Problem is, neither one of us, (H) or me want to do anything permenantly altering, but I am terrified to get pg again, even if it was an "oops"...we are taking steps to prevent it, but not 100% foolproof as we see so often...<p>My point is, for me, and I'll share with you, is, I'm wondering for myself if having another child would even help us at this point or hinder?<p>I thought that having another child would show everyone my H's committment to me and shove an "ha ha" in OW's face once she hears about it through the grapevine...but I prayed about it and felt that that would be a selfish wish on my part and not fair to the child that I created with H if that is what I wanted to do.<p>I always want more children, but now I know I can't due to finances. H and I feel strongly about my being home for them and this CS payment is kinda pinching it close for us. (Not that we begrudge paying OC her money, it was my H's mistake and he will pay his financial obligation).<p>I guess I posted to share with you that I have those feelings too...I pray that I will make the wise choice and I know that you will too.<p>Praying for wisdom and discernment for you,
Hugs,
Twiisty

Jordy,<p>I asked my H to have a vesectomy a few weeks after D-Day. I wasn't even sure I was going to stay with him. I just knew if I did he didn't deserve another child from me. We have three and I found out he continued his affair during my pregnancy. Oc is almost 9 months younger than my D. I tried to stop H because my mother asked me if I was having my H do this to pay him back. I wasn't sure. He still wanted to do it so I signed the papers.<p>Like Twiisty I feel/felt like H robbed me of one of my children. Financialy we can't afford another child even if I wanted one. I have mixed feelings but I think we did the best thing in the end. Good luck with whatever decsions you make.<p>Unsure

Dear Jordy: I am so sorry you are going through this. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant after years of infertility and 2 miscarriages; the child issue was a very difficult one for us, to say the least. OC is almost 2; we have had no contact for over 6 months, there has been no support and no visitation. EOW used to work with DH right up until last November, and tried many times to get him to violate his promises to me; it was a painful and extremely confusing time during which I did NOT know about Marriage Builders, so I did much LBing as well. It's amazing we made it throught all that.<p>I honestly felt when I found out about this affair/pregnancy in March of 2000 (she was 8 months pregnant at that time)that this EOW took MY child from me, and, althought I never was opposed to support or contact, she has clearly made the decision not to pursue any legal recourse whatsoever despite it's being offered precisely because she has been completely determined to exclude me and she's tried to continue the original triangulation of the affair. It's very sad. I am very sorry for the lines that my DH fed her and for how gullible she was. But the bottom line for me now is that I have my own little son to protect, and DH and I have made our boundaries very clear about the OC.<p>I want to say that I have NO objections to paying support, but I profoundly object to any continuation of the original affair energy, even if it's one-sided. This will not serve her son in any way. If she does truly care for him and wants him to know my DH, then she would abide by our wishes instead of trying to force her own very old agenda. It's sad, but I will not play that game anymore.<p>Anyway, just my experience.<p>Hope this is helpful<p>Love, Liisa
EDD 2/26/02
baby boy
EOW moved out of state
no contact, no support, no paternity established.