Hello everyone I finally found the site that I hope will help me get thru all this turoil.<p> Let me begin by tellin you my story is is sad but very true, like all of you my H had an affair. He is an alcoholic and decided on his own when he cheated that he better get help . He did get help and has been sober for 7 years but, after the first year and 1/2 we found out he had a OC. He has visitation and now it has been almost five years a hell. I dont mean to say the child is the big problem she isnt but, I feel like I lost control of my life. We decided a long time agao we were only going to have our son but alas that has changed. When I mention I would like to have a girl of my own he says I am crazy and that I have one. Yeah right not mine . Yes I do have to admit I do all the mothering , the OW is the most ilresponsible woman I have ever met. The OC needs me if I could tell you everything she has done to the OC it would take me 3 pages. Well my marriage feels like a shambles and I am losing the battles to keep strong and be happy. We have the OC all the time b/c her mother likes to party. Wouldnt we all like to be parents but not have the responsibilty of being one???? Well sex is rarely enjoyable for me I feel stressed and depressed. I read all your post and I to feel like I am writing them all. I can related to everyone of you. I envy the ones whom have no contact, it is hard for me to hear the words DADDY out of her mouth. I see and feel my sons pain who by the way is 11 and knows everything(kids arent stupid). I feel my spouse is selfish about not telling the OW "NO" occassionaly. I thought time heals pain , but in my case it is like an emotional rollercoaster, up and down. How in the world do I get control of my life? Have I also mentioned my H thinks I should relax and things arent as bad as they seem, he also is NOT a comunicator(sp). It is so hard to talk to him. I do love him but resent him for not putting me and my son first.Does anyone understand and have words that might have gotten you all thru????I want to smile and really mean it...Hopeful

Hello, I hope what you have described is not my future, but I have fears it will be, because like your husband my husband had an affair, had a child. The affair lasted over a year. He says no, I say it did, because he also picked a woman who is not nurturing or responsible and he feared for the baby so manipulated etc in order to try to influence what would happen with the baby. Well, finally he is using only legal methods to try to be in the child's life. However, to me it means this OW will be in my life forever. The only way I have any peace is my total reliance on my God. Honestly, my prayers and the prayers of my friends and my trust in Jesus, not my husband - for who can trust a betraying husband - has given me peace and more than that, amazing answers. God has a plan and only God can unravel the kind of mess you and I are living with. I'm glad to meet you. I know noone else who has a "child" who is from an affair. So, you aren't alone out there. Is there any way your husband can get full custody of this little girl? Would you then be in a more tolerable/peaceful situation? It seems terribly unjust to me that the woman your husband partied with and had a child with can so readily rely on you and your husband, and your son, to make room in your lives for her to continue to party. Is the child cared for when she is not with you? Poor child. You are right - the child is not the problem. I know the same thing. It is the craziness of the OW's belief system that entitled her to have the affair with a married man and now continues to entitle her to use him and you. Anyway, that's my opinion. I am stunned at the way the OW has adcted toward me, as if I am the OW and she is the wife. She sent me a Christmas Card which she had signed with her name, my husband's name and the child's name and used my husband's last name,as if they were married. Sent a card just like it to my mother in law, too. This put the OW over the top to me and I stopped being hurt by her because I realized how nuts her thinking is. She also tried to get me fired from my job. I guess she thought that would get her my husband, but of course it really upset him that she was so hateful and vindictive. Anyway. Sorry to go on and on when I'm trying to respond to your pain. The only way I have found to "control" my situation, and you may find this helpful, is to let control go entirely and leave my whole life up to the Lord. I pray everyday, read scripture every day, go to a great church regularly, and constantly seek his guidance and instruction. This is a quagmire, a pit. Such situations are, in my opinion, from hell. The solutions then must come from heaven. I read a great book - How to hold on to heaven when you husband is going through hell. It helped just to know that someone else held on to the truth and it helped. I continue to wonder if I truly want to stay with my husband. As far as he knows, I do. I stood for my marriage for a long time and he is grateful I did. I love him, he loves me. We've come a long way. But the "survivor" in me says cut and run. That's why this is between me and my God and my husband doesn't know, because it isn't God telling me to leave, but my old hurt. So, I pray for your situation, that it will become stable. I think the instability of the affair is still present in your family due to the instability of the OW and how the child's presence in your family is not firmly established, i.e., in a stable way. I hope I'm not offending you. You certainly don't deserve to be offended. Anyway, God bless and guide you.

Welcome...I never know quite how to say hello to new members. Welcome seems like this is a good place to be. It is and it isnt. This website was designed by the grace of God and has/is a tremendous support to many.<p>I am glad to hear that your H is sober now. I am concerned, however, that he seems to still have the addict attitude however. I, too, am married to an addict. His drug of choice was methamphetamine. He has been sober almost 4 years. His affair occurred two years ago. He was sober, but still had the self absorbed attitude.<p>Did you and h ever attend any counseling? Have you been able to read the principles of MB? There are many aspects of this website which can give you some insight. You need to find a way to focus on yourself. <p>Are you a believer in a higher power? Many of us have learned to let go and let God. If this is a route for you, I recommend the "Power of a Praying Wife". This book will help you focus on your relationship with God and let God handle your h.<p>You have come to the right place. I hope you will feel comforted, supported, and able to vent freely here. <p>((((((Hugs)))))

Thank you both for welcoming me into the forum.Yes I do pray everyday that I get the answer to this horrific event. I know that go dhas a reason for everthing and maybe the reason is in the OC. I hope one day I will get my happiness back I love my H so much but secretly like you all I want to run, just me and my son. But in the reality of it all I know by running will only hurt me and my son further. It will hurt my H and the OC also but my selfishness side looks out for my son. I hope by making friends Here I will get back to being "ME". I miss myself laughing , loving , and no tears. I also miss the sex, there just isnt any good feelings with it. Do you guys get this too? Or am I god for bid me , falling out of love with my H.This scares me to death.Hopeful