Hello,
I just wondering if there is anyway to find out if OW is on wealth fare? I know that she qualifies. I know they would ask her who the father is and if she says she does not know would they just let it go and not ask her anymore?
She lived with her parents before she got pregnant. They kicked her out when they found out that is was pregnant but came around and bought all her furniture for her apartment. I know she was asking my H for money to pay her medical bills back in March, which he did. I know she must be getting help somewhere because she can't make it on her salary.<p>I am just worried that she will get help from the state if she is not already. If it comes out later that my H is the father would he have to pay the state back?<p>I know that she lives in low income housing.<p>Dawn

Hey Dawn,<p>Both my x-H's OW HAD to name a father in order to get "Wealth Fare". <p>And "yes", if your H is deemed the father thru DNA or perhaps his admittance, he would have to re-pay the Welfare people a percentage. They placed a Lien on my x-H's studio equipment as collateral against the unpaid Wefare debt. It sucked!<p>Sorry Hon.<p>Jo

Resilient <p>So if there is not father listed on the BC is cannot get wealth fare? And how long does it take the courts to go after the father? I mean do they go after the father right away. <p>So since my H has not gotten anything she can't be on wealth fare? I know the BC says the father is unknown.
And what if a mother truly does not know who the father is that means she can't wealth fare?<p>I mean what if it was a guy in the bar and she never saw him again?<p>Dawn

Dawn,
Our XOW had to be receiving ch-support through the state (meaning we had to go through court, not solve it privately) in order for her to receive WIC food stamps. She is not on welfare, so I don't know about that, but based on our experience I'm pretty sure a father of some kind must be declared and "held responsible" in order to receive any aid. I would check on your specific state re: whether H has to pay back ch-support. <p>Good luck!
J

Dawn,
As much as it sucks for you guys, you may do well so stay on top of this one if she's poor.<p>My boyfriend and his ex had a cs agreement and then she moved out of town. It took him 3 years to locate her and his son.<p>FF to 6 mos ago. He gets a bill from the state for thousands and thousands of dollars. Apparently during her "lost" time she was on public assistance. He is now responsible for paying back the state. His checking and savings accounts were seized, wages garnished and his income tax refund taken until the debt was satisfied.<p>Watch out!

Dawn71,<p>Now you have to identify the father. My sister works with welfare reciepants (sp?) and before all the new laws you could say you didn't know who the baby father is. Now you have to provide them with someone so they can at least try and establish paternity. You benifits will be cut or cancelled if you do not. (something like that) <p>
Unsure

Hi Dawn,<p>The OW(s) HAD to name a possible father to qualify and become a recipient of Welfare but the person they name as father (my H) did NOT go on the BC. <p>As a matter of fact, my H's name is still not on either BC's of either OC (sons). I believe H has to go to court to legally have his name added. Right now the father on both BC shows as "Unknown".<p>Also, the lien they placed on our Studio gear was not done until AFTER the DNA results and then the hearing. Then they placed the Lien and we began to pay payments. The Lien was in tact until our back CS payments (inclusive of Welfare, hospital bills and DNA tests) were caught up. Then our CS payments went down to the regular amount. <p>We hired a very aggressive Paternity Attorney. Paternity was his specialty. If you can afford it, it's well worth the $$$!<p>And just FYI, I live in the State of WA. Every State is a bit different in terms of laws and how it handles OC CS and Welfare benefits.<p>Good Luck, Hon.<p>Jo<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hello,
I am in WI and I got the impression that WIC is not considering getting help from the state. I know for a fact that OW is getting WIC. Would H have to pay the money back for getting help on WIC? Now I am scared. Should my H file for paternity testing? <p>Dawn

Dawn,<p>You do not have to pay WIC back. I know married couples who's wives take an extended maternity leave that get WIC. (well I worked with one) The only way I would take OW to court for paternity testing with out being her contacting you first is if you want to pay CS, part of OC daycare costs and have to provide medical insurance for the next 18 years. If your H finds out OC is his you risk the posibilty that he might want to be involved. If you couldn't handle contact you risk your marriage ending. I would leave it alone.<p>I'm going to post an update I've been going through a lot of crap recently. But H and I had an heart to heart talk and he told me if I didn't push for visitation in the begining he would have chosen no contact! I did push him in the begining thinking it was the right thing to do. After exOW had me falsely arrested I stopped but the damage was done I convinced him it was right to have OC invloved in our family and I support it. If I could go back, I would shut my mouth and let H make his own choice. It's too late for that H has supervised visits with OC and it's causing problems already. Please think about this don't regret your past actions like I do. Do you truly want to know if OC his your H's child? If you do be prepared for the bulls---- that comes with it. Good luck and pray for strenght.<p>
Unsure

Hello,
I wanted to add is there anyway to find out if OW is on wealth fare? <p>Dawn

Hi Dawn, <p>I know that you really want to know if this child is your husband's. I know how it feels to *not* know for sure. People here on the board who *do* know for sure recommend letting it go. I can see their point, but I have to tell you, I know this awful feeling of *not* knowing. It's horrible! It's like waiting for the bomb to drop. It might or it might not. But we are always wondering when it's going to. Will we have to go thru all this pain again? I want to get it over with now! Just not sure if I want to pay the consequences.<p>To be honest, I think that I have been shoving it all down inside of me and just kind of forgetting about the possibility that he has oc. When it resurfaces, I get very depressed and don't want to be married anymore. <p>Dawn, I know what it's like to play detective. You figure if she is receiving welfare, then she must've put a father's name on there and it obviously is not your husband's name otherwise they would've contacted him somehow. Ya know what? The only way you're going to know for sure is that DNA test. <p>Also know that you don't have to pay WIC back so probably no need to ask father's name.<p>Good luck in deciding what you are going to do. I was reading another post that was brought over from gloryb. I think that it referred to wives having the power or at least thinking that we do. My husband has no desire at this point to find out. The xow has no desire. So why do I feel that it's my job, my responsibility to find out??? The people who made this boy don't even care that much. The thing is this, I don't know if I can live with knowing that he does have oc, and I don't know if I can live in this unknowing state forever either......man, sometimes I just want to die!

Stupid question here ... but what does WIC stand for?

WIC stands for Women, Infants and Children.<p>It's a program for disadvantaged women and children. They give you checks that can be used at the grocery store for certain items.<p>You can get things like milk, formula, cheese, peanut butter. But you have to qualify and re-qualify for it. If I remember correctly it goes to pregnant woman and kids to the age of like 5.<p>My best friend was on it when she was pregnant.

Hello,
Thanks everyone.
I know from my H's friend that she does qualify to get assistance. H's friend went to the hospital to see OC and asked if my H could see the baby, but OW never responed. My H's friend asked OW if she was 100% sure if OC was my H. She had a confused looked on her face and said that she did not want to talk about it.<p>H's friend told me that OW has not file for wealthfare yet, but she could not see how she would survive without it. This was back in October. <p>To be honest I do not know why she would refuse a paternity test and my H told her that if it was his he would pat CS and help her out.<p>My H has not decided anything yet and I have not brought it up for awhile. At first he said that he wanted to go after joint custody and now he says he does not know.<p>So I just sit here waiting ffor him to make up his mind.<p>I do believe that OW will decide to file for CS or get state aid. It is only a matter of time<p>Dawn