I know you don't lurk here on this board...but if you did, I hope you know....you won...I hope you can sleep happy in your bed....with your "new" man and sigh in utter contentment.<p>Because of you, and my stupid H, my marriage is now rapidly going downhill.<p>Because of your utter contempt for anyone other than yourself and your selfish desire to have my H at any costs and because you deliberately got pg with his child, (thanks for at least admitting that to me) I have been living h*ll for the last ten months.<p>I have felt like I lost all of my son's babyhood because YOU called me when he was two weeks old...my son will be one in April. Where did his entire babyhood go while I was under severe depression because of this.<p>I blame you. I blame my H. (for all ow lurkers out there...my H got his butt kicked verbally today...it's his fault too, but he already got an earful from me today...so today it's my OW's turn in this letter.)<p>My marriage, for all practical purposes was deemed "ideal" by my friends, family, myself and church. We had great communication. We loved each other totally and completely. Yes we had spats etc. like most married couples but we were fine. I knew all about you stalking him before we were married. I knew about you getting mad and cussing him out when you called a week after we were married for "booty call" and he told you that he was happily married and to leave him alone.<p>You waited two years. Then you caught him at the worse moment of his life. He was tired...(Mardi Gras...you knew that) Someone who raised him all his life died that month. (you didn't know that...but he was emotional) and you didn't care that he was married...you told me yourself that "I am madly in love with him"....and you knew he was married.<p>After he did "it" with you...he threw up...did that make you feel sexy? Did you go home dancing and rejoicing because you were trying to have his "love child"? That month of Feb. three years ago began a disconnection of my best friend from my life.<p>My H was wrong to give into lust. I kick his butt and asked him where the heck his head was that night...obviously we knew where the "little one" was.<p>I lost my best friend that month in 1999. He got depressed. You made his life hell. He almost shot and killed himself to end it all. My best friend, my confidente AND willing father to my two children that we have together. You know what...since you sailed into his life and now permenantly....my best friend is now somewhat distant from me. He cannot handle my emotions.<p>Go ahead and feel your sense of power over this. Yes, I have to go on anti-depressents because I am mad at myself for trusting the one man under God that I thought loved me with all his heart. I honestly thought that H's and my relationship was something special...something pure.<p>I blame both of you for destroying it. I blame both of you for destroying my marriage.<p>I hope your engagement lasts when you find out that I am toying with the idea of filing for separation papers...what my H does with you after our divorce (If I go that far) I don't care...just like I didn't care that he used your butt for booty (before he came to know the LOrd) before we were married. I DO CARE WHAT HAPPENS AFTER WE ARE MARRIED.<p>I hope you are happy. I hope you got what you wanted. Since you are so miserable without him you made sure that myself and four other children were just as miserable. And the object of your affection? My H, the bio-dad of your child? He's just as miserable too.<p>NO ONE WINS.<p>Thought you would like to know.
May God have mercy on your soul.<p>I pray for you. I pray for your Child. I pray that you may come to see the light and I pray for your marriage. I hope it's a happy and fulfilling one...mine is in shambles because of you and my H.<p>I will stop now before you think you can take over the world with that big head of yours.<p>If perchance that you do lurk here...oh well...this is just my opinion...which didn't matter much when you and my H decided to have a ten second screw.<p>Twiisty

Twiisty,
I see myself in so many parts of your post. We are about in the same time frame of recovery, 10 months for me also. <p>I certainly understand about your feelings of where did these past months go. Babyhood does go so quickly. I lost the last half of my sons senior year, graduation was a blur. My daughters engagement this spring, and I am now trying to plan her wedding. It is all so difficult to stay focussed. <p>While I am not as eloquent in expressing my feelings as most of you women and men here,
Please know that I am thinking of you, and everyone else here that is having a difficult time at this time of their recovery.<p>Tina

My heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers. All of my being aches for you and your child.

Twiisty&#8230; <p>My &#8220;twisted&#8221; sister in the Lord&#8230; There seems to be a shortage of words in my vocabulary this afternoon&#8230; I wish I could say something to take away this pain you are in&#8230; yet&#8230; I know there is only One that can do that&#8230; and HE is there&#8230; for you to lean on&#8230; {{{Twiisty}}}<p>I am afraid that the Mardi Gras season is a MAJOR trigger for you and it is what is getting you down right now. <p>We have had many chats and this morning&#8230; I was oblivious to your inner turmoil&#8230; I feel so sad, knowing that I talked to you today and didn&#8217;t even see the pain in your words&#8230; <p>I want to reach out and Hug you my dear friend&#8230; I want to help you get through this&#8230;
As I know many of us on this board feel the same way&#8230;<p>The only real way I can help is through prayer&#8230; I am praying for you; my sister, my friend.<p>As Always&#8230;<p>In Christ,

Twiisty,
you are in prays. I really do not have any advice. You have been there for me and I hope I can be there for you.<p>Dawn

Twiisty,<p>I will be in Dallas this weekend. Email me so we can get together when I get back. Let's preoccupy ourselves with some coffee, or something stronger. I have Lundi Gras, Mardi Gras, and Ash Wed. off. Let's get together so you can get some real hugs and a listening ear. Remember our oc 1st b-day is Mardi Gras...I too am down, but I think we definitely need to hang out! Jen<p>(((((TWIISTY)))))

Twiisty,<p>I haven't been posting too much lately, you know why... but I wanted to just send my love and lots of hugs your way. I am almost tempted to head to LA and give you a hug in person. I know your pain so well, but I don't know what it is like to have a child and feel his babyhood snatched from me, I am so sorry for that. Your sadness must be magnified because of all the circumstances surrounding you. I really wish your family could move somewhere else and start fresh. Keep encouraging h to help you with some of this turmoil by doing whatever you need, even if it is moving - if that is what you need.<p>Lately, i have been praying to God the way Jesus prayed to Him at Gethsemane. First he told his disciples, "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death." He fell face down on the ground and prayed to God, "If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me, yet i want your will not mine." <p>It is very comforting to know that Jesus, himself, was grievestricken to the point of asking God to completely take away the suffering that was to come on the Cross. Jesus, the one that we call Saviour, suffered just like we are suffering, but to a degree that is immeasurable. I know that when Jesus was risen and he was again with his Father, he knew why he had to suffer and was glad that he did. Right now, we don't want to suffer anymore, i know i don't, but one wonderful day, we, too will gaze upon the eyes of the Lord and know why we suffered and be glad that we did.<p>Know that you are continually in my prayers and thoughts. <p>God Bless your family,
Julia

twiisty,<p>I am so sorry to see you and your H going through rough time right now and I pray that you two will get through this time in your life...remember what flowerseed said in my post....communication is the key.<p>Hugs to you sweetie
Jules