This is just an update, especially for you wonderful people out there who shared your pain, sorrow and successes with me whe I needed it the most. I haven't been lurking or posting for months. It was a survival thing-trying to distance myself some. I do have to say that for months you were my lifeline. Thank you.<p>Today is my birthday, it is also the oc's. It has been about a year since I found out about oc, and over a year and 8 months since A ended. We have since moved away from the town. H doesn't plan any contact until the child is old enough to want it. This has to go back to how manipulative and STUPID the ow is. We went to court and are paying cs and insurance. Distance definitely helps; although the whore did right to him at work. First letter sent hime pictures and asked him not to tell me-AS IF!!. He told me when he came home for lunch. He didn't respond, and instead waited until he received the insurance cards to send all of it except the picture back to her, plus a letter that said that he did not appreciate her writing to him at work, especially since we have a po box for that purpose. I also included a letter thanking her for the pictures of my beautiful step-daughter (writing that hopefully she wouldn't grow up as immoral as her mother), telling her that the only crap my h recieved here was that which she sent his way,telling her to limit her correspondence to only that which delt with my step-daughter, and ending with sending my regards to her wonderful mother who put up with her. Yes, I was a bit ugly, but I believe I'm entitled to that. The second letter told my h tht she didn't know why he was being so ugly to her, and that her social security number was to be only used for insurance purposes, and that any future pictures would have to be requested by him. Whatever- h decided to npot respond in any way, and just put letter in file with all of the paperwork from court. <p>As you can see, the after life has its bumpy moments, but the can definitely be overshadowed by a truly repentant spouse who is working hard on rebuilding. Yes, when the letters came I was in the DUMPS to say the least, but now I recall without falling to such great depths. <p>I do have periodic bouts of sadness and remembrance. I do periodically love bust, but I have learned to not voice all of the ugly retorts, comebacks, and the sarcasm that periodically come to surface.<p>The first couple of months were definitely the hardest. I had to deal with a lot of triggers. My friends here helped deal with some of that. <p>I know that I have been longwinded, but I just wanted to let newcomers know that it really can get better, and I wanted to let those of you who helped me out know that I'm doing much better, and am still working on staying together w/ H.
Please keep us in your prayers. <p>ivc

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Hi IVC,
I too lurk every once in a great while. I am glad to hear things are better. And I am NOT surprised about OW..it is par for her course. She always like to go to the "office" so why not mail there. I guess it gives her that "power" she will NEVER have. Gosh I would have LOVED to had been a fly on the wall when she read that "step-mom" part [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ..Stay strong IVC. Good luck to you and your family. MC

Hey, thanks for your posting. It is encouraging. I surely can understand your comments to OW! I have fantasized etc. but learned early on that my best response to the hateful and irrational stuff she did was to ignore. Usually that increased her nonsense, but it always reached a point where it would then die down for awhile. Good to know that it can get better. Love busters don't work, do they? I was so happy with myself when I could stop the picking at stuff and just be either quiet or able to respond w/love. I do love my husband and I think we are going to be ok too.

hi IVC! glad to see that you are doing so well and that your marriage is also thriving. things here are going great with us too. proof that marriages can survive these things, it is not always easy, but it can happen. especially when both BS and WS are putting everything toward making their marriage work.<p>i haven't talked to you in so long, it is great to see you here. i hardly post, and lurk every once in awhile, but it is always nice to see happy updates from people.<p>we are expecting our first baby in july! we are excited about it and nervous about starting a new phase of our marriage. being married so long without kids, it will be weird to change things. but i am sure we will adapt. we have been through rough waters, this will be a breeze.<p>take care and keep working on your marriage. BTW how is your little boy?