Hi Everyone,
I haven't been reading or posting in a long time. While I needed and still need all of the support offered, I thought that reading new posts kept me from moving forward.
For those of you that don't know me. I originally posted as tormented and then changed my attitude and my name.
D-Day was May 2000. H had A for almost 4 years and produced a child who was born 5 months before our first child (which was conceived invitro). There has been no contact with OP or OC apart from the OP bringing the OC to court. OP is now living with her layer oops I keep doing that, lawyer and collecting child support for her two illegitimate children. In other words free money from the stupid men (H included) that chose to f*** ger and living rent free with her layer (lawyer). Sorry, it kills me that she is living the financial good life because she is fertile.
Anyway, things are definitely better. We are still in counseling and working each day to make our marriage work. We are expecting twin boys in about 3 months and are very excited about it.
He is a new man. He is very attentive, loving, supportive, etc. Everything that I thought he was before D-day. There is nothing that he wouldn't do for me, his daughter and two boys on the way.
So what's the problem?
I don't know if it's hormones or me. But there has been no contact in any kind of form from the OP. So it's been my family as the only focus. Yet I can't get past the fact that my H had an affair. My anger and resentment has lessened, but has not disappeared which keeps me in a place I don't like to be.
For those of you who have been in this situation as long as I have or longer, please give me hope. Tell me that these feelings of anger and resentment will go away and they will go away soon.
Thanks

Hello,
I really don't have any advice just wnated to tell you that somebody read post and his prayering for. My D-day is feb. 24 2001. So I am really emotional now and don't have any words of wisdom.<p>Dawn

healing,<p>Love your new handle! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>To get to a new level, I had to delve into reading books about forgiveness, and find new ways to pray about it. Sometimes, also, I had to make a conscious effort to NOT thing about it, to turn my mind to other subjects more important and current in my life. I don't have a lot of time to write now, but think about what might help you in your recovery... journaling, renewing vows, reading about forgiveness, improving your relationship to God/HigherPower... Where would you LIKE to be in your life, and what will get you there? Because you don't want to waste your whole life on this situation!!!!!!!!!<p>Prayers,
J, in recovery 3+years and happy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear healing,<p>Jenny has given you some great ideas on where to start on the road to true forgiveness. I have done all of them and finally gotten to a place where I truly forgive my H.<p>In the beginning writing out the hurtful feelings in a journal was my salvation. A good cry helped to cleanse my soul and give me strength. <p>Then, I became a voracious reader -- I coud not get enough of books about relationships and forgiveness. I read everything I could find. I found particular peace in the Bible and readings about forgiveness.<p>Healing, it is all about taking a chance -- opening up your heart to love fully again and without conditions. It was so comfortable playing the victim and having something to hold over my H's head. He was supposed to dance when I said to, bring me gifts when I was sad, and basically never stand eye to eye with me because he had to atone with his horrible sin.<p>The problem was that is not a marriage. I wanted to be a partner again, not a warden. And, my H told me that he felt like he was being tried over and over again for the same crime. He was absolutely right.<p>It took time, but one day I decided that, for both our sakes, I had to try again. My H and I talked and I told him I was trusting my heart to him again. That is when he suggested that we renew our vows as a sign of starting over again.<p>There are still some days when a trigger jars some unpleasant memories, but I concentrate on how good our life has been, the new level of communication we have reached and the blessings that God continues to bestow. And, even though an OC is not the method I would have chosen for marriage counselling -- I realize that I was given a second chance to make my marriage work and we have both learned from my H's mistake.<p>There is hope, Healing, just trust in God and trust in your own feelings about your H. Forgive him in your heart without conditions and you will start to experience the rebirth of your marriage.<p>As one MB member wrote: Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you, because you hurt me.<p>It is a good feeling. Best of luck and love,
heavenly