My rule of thumb. If sex is making you unhappy, it's a SERIOUS problem. I have to get out the old 2X4, because you haven't communicated to him how much it bothers you. It's like faking an orgasm. Maybe he's happy because he thinks your sex life is great, but it does both of you a lot of harm. So your choices are to grin and bear it, stop the relationship, or work with him on fixing it. If he's a great guy in all other aspects, I'd go with Door #3.
It's not going to be fun, but you MUST tell him how you truly feel about this. Do it in a caring way, but be honest. A fetish is a hard thing to deal with. You two need a game plan. Yeah, hearing the truth will hurt his feelings. But if he's considerate, he'll be willing to try to work with you. I'm wondering what would happen if the two of you agreed to a moratorium on "outside" orgasms for him. If he keeps himself from masturbating completely for a while, he may eventually get over that issue out of sheer necessity. But he'd have to be willing to really try. I'm by no means a sex therapist, but I have read that frequent masturbation can make it harder for a man to have an orgasm during sex because there's less stimulation than there is from his hand.
He may need professional help to solve this. I mean a sex therapist, not a prostitute. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Sorry if that was tasteless, but from reading some of your other stuff you seem to have a good sense of humor.
If he's not willing to really work on this, you probably should consider ending the relationship. If sex is an important need to you and he's not willing to try to work on changing, you're only going to keep getting more miserable.
If you do have an honest talk with him, I'd be interested in a follow-up post to see how it goes.
