This is my first post here, so we'll see how it goes. Let me start with some history...I am a 22 year old wife of 6-1/2 years and mother of two beautiful boys! My husband and I have been through much more than we ever should have had to go through. We have had our ups and downs like everyone else, but we have also had some added stresses from his very controlling parents. It's really involved and it's not even worth getting myself all worked up over, so I won't go into detail, but basically things always get twisted to where I am just this evil person. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of faults of my own and I don't try to justify them. It just seems that no matter what I encounter with my In-Laws they can never see that they were wrong or that they have hurt me and my H. This has taken it's toll on us, but after a major blow-out I think we are finally living our own life and things have been going a lot better. I also feel that being so young has been to our dis-advantage (he's 25). Our boys are 6 and 3. We have been communicating better lately (which mean he has actually started talking and I can actually try to understand his point of view on things. We don't always agree (bet you would have never guessed), but we're compromising well, except in one area: Children.
We have two boys now and I want to have a little girl so bad it's eating me up. He decided he didn't want to have any more children and so he had a vasectomy. At first I let him know I wasn't going to make it easy for him if he did this, but after much prayer and deliberating, I decided this was a battle he was going to win whether I liked it or not. I didn't want it to be the reason for our marriage falling apart, and like I said, there was nothing I could do to change his mind. Even with my logic, he stood firm in his decison. He was not going to father any more children.
I have been struggling with this since he had his vasectomy on 9-13-01 (yes, it was an added stress following the events of 9-11). Every month I hope and pray that it didn't work and maybe, just maybe...but it doesn't happen. I fill myself with false hopes and then kick myself every time I come back to the reality that I will never have another child. I feel like a part of me, my womanhood, has been ripped out torn to shreds and then left for me to clean up. I am really trying to be strong and I am trying not to let this interfere with daily life, but it is so hard. I feel like the least he could do is show some compassion and respect for my feelings. I know he doesn't understand how I feel, but I just think we are so young and we have sso much potential and I wasn't asking him for a baby right away, but just not to do anything permanent until we weren't under so much of the stress we have been under for most of our married life. It just wasn't fair to me or himself. Who knows what our future has in store! I suppose now I know it doesn't include any more children. I keep praying for Heavenly Father to change the desires of my heart to match His will, but I still want a little girl with all my heart. I know there's no guarantee we would even have a girl, but even still, I just feel there should have been more than just the four of us (don't get me wroing, I love my boys and I am thankful to have healthy and bright children who make every day a new adventure!). I am not sure how I am going to get over this, or if I even will.
I reflect back to the loss of an unborn child just before conceiving our 2nd, and I wonder, was that my girl? With my belief that Families are forever, will she be waiting for me in Heaven? These are things that I think about. Am I crazy, or is it normal to think about things like that? It almost brings me peace to think of it that way, because what a joy it would be to have a daughter in eternity!
I think about how far we've come and I know that we are strong enough to bend. I just hope I can get through this phase of my life with a better understanding of myself and of my H, and of God's will for us. No matter how much heartache my H's decision may have caused me, I know that I love him and will stand by him through whatever comes our way. I will cleave unto his council and offer him my best at all times. I once heard a statement that "...if you treat your husband like a king, he will treat you like a queen..." While this may not be true in all cases, I know it is with mine. He is a good man, even if he does make a few mistakes.
Thanks for "listening", I think this was a good idea. I can vent...only those who want to have to read it and respond...and the best thing is that I haven't taken it out on my H and really made a mess of the day!

Dear Gal,<p>Well, this is a different twist to this particular board. The main reason for this board is for couples dealing with a child that is the result of an affair. I am, by no means, telling you that you're in the wrong place, so please don't take it that way.<p>Now, one of the things that struck me is how young both you and your H are. Being 22 with a 6 yr old is a lot to have dealt with already in your life! I'm not sure that your feelings of wanting a little girl, at least the way you described those feelings, is healthy. The reason I am saying this is that my H is the youngest of 3 boys, and to see how his mother, my MIL, reacted when I became pregnant at 18, and we gave the baby up for adoption. The big thing is, we had a little girl! Boy, did IT hit the fan! In fact, 14 years later, there is still tension about that whole thing! Of course, it's a little more tense due to our newest little girl(as in my signature line from an A), but the point I'm getting at is that she has let this eat away at her for so long! She told me, while I was pregnant the first time, that she hoped I didn't have a girl! It has ruled her life, and affected the way she treats me and my 2 sisters-in-law! <p>If the Lord wants you to have this little girl, it will happen! There have been many cases, years after the surgery, where the vasectomy has grown back! But, you need to just leave it in the Lord's hands, and not dwell on it! Don't let it be a cause for a rift to start in your marriage! This is an excellent site to look over, and soak up all the policies and look into buying at least some of the books offered here! Keep your marriage from getting to the point where most of us here had gotten to before our D-days(discovery of the A)!<p>I hope I didn't offend you, and hope that what I said helps in some way. I just don't want to see this eat you up the way it has my MIL.<p>Tigger

I see that now... the pregnancy/child part just poppe dout first adn I didn't even see the category it fell under! No offense taken, thank you for stating your intentions Tigger. I think I'm gonna just exit quietly and look for a more appropriate place for my topic!! Thank you for your response all the same!