I guess my time in this forum turned out to be very short lived. How thrilled I was when I saw the forum "Pregnancy/Child" under "Infidelity". I thought I had found my "place". I guess I hadn't expected to be in the vast majority. This forum is definately geared to the BW of men who have had OC due to affairs. Most of these women seem to think that thier poor husbands were tricked into these pregnancies. They are big boys and knew what they were doing. I think I have come across only one other woman on here who has been the one to have the OC due to an affair. Maybe I am being overly sensitive but listening to how these woman feel about these OC feels like they are talking about my own child. My child is pure, innocent and a gift from God. The adults are the ones who have screwed up here and no one seems to want to take the responsibility for it. Yes, I know, everyones situation is different, but some don't even want to try to do what is best for these kids who never had a choice and never asked to be here. I won't be posting in this forum anymore but hope I can find something more helpful in one of the other subjects.

Dear Want...<p>I am sorry to see you go. Yes, there are very few in our "shoes", but that doesn't mean this board isn't for us as well! Yes, most of the people posting here are the W's dealing with the OC from their H's A. It is a very tough thing to deal with, but you also have to realize that even though their situations are similar, they are also VERY different! I also don't understand why you feel they are talking about your child when speaking of the OC. I have never felt that way, even when I was afraid to post at first. It wasn't from fear of being "accepted" but of hurting those who were trying to heal damage of an A resulting in a child! Now, 1 1/2 yrs later, I could actually be considered an "oldie". And I so love and feel for what these women have been through. Most of these women will tell you that the OW in their situation told their H they were on some sort of BC. I know, the H could have still used a condom, but they didn't. The W's have dealt with the pain, but also the forgiving of their H's mistakes. Unfortunately, the W's you are speaking about, in particular, are those who's xOWs are STILL trying to break up the marriage, and using the OC to do so! You need to literally put yourself into their shoes, before you say that how they feel is wrong.<p>Another member put it quite bluntly about 3 months ago. If you were in an apartment building that was quickly going down in flames, and there were 2 children, one yours, one someone else's, and you could only carry one child, which one would you honestly take? Deep down, you know you would grab your child, and pray that the other one made it out safely! ANY mother would feel that way! It would be the hardest thing, leaving a child behind, but you know what your answer would be. That's the nature of mothers. That's also why so many here feel the way they do about the OC.<p>I am sorry if you still feel you need to leave. There is lots here to learn from, but if you feel like they are inadvertantly attacking you or your child, it's understandable why you would want to leave.<p>Tigger

I agree with Tigger,<p>I am sorry to see you go...but I do know the particulars of my situation. I am one who has a pychotic OW who will stop at nothing to get my H. I don't post often about the damage she does, but it's enough.<p>No contact is a necessity for our home and our children. <p>I do feel deeply sorry for my OC that she was brought into this world under these circumstances. But I have to say, I didn't arrive to these feelings overnight. I would never wish ill will towards any innocent child. <p>I am close to my one year d-day, and I can tell you that my emotions have evolved since that day. I will not be a part of my OC's life nor my Husband, but we can pray for her and I write in a journal for her in case one day she does show up asking questions.<p>My situation is complex, and not the norm as our OC resulted in a three-night-stand kind of thing, but however our OC's resulted....there are a complex and variety of situations and emotions.<p>It is not an attack against you or your child. We have raw emotions. You are fortunate that your situation turned out like it did. In some cases, the OW still will stop at nothing to ruin a marriage.....OC or not. <p>Anyways, I'm sorry to see you go. I support everyone here on this board in the decision that they made to be best for their family, even if it differs from my own point of view.<p>I wish you the best and pray that you find the support you are looking for.
Peace,
Twiisty

Well girls, after reading some of the newer posts I've decided to give this another try. I need to clarify myself though. I know that there are many families on here who have tried or wanted to try to do what is right by the OC but for whatever reasons have found themselves in circumstances and situations beyond thier control that prevent them from doing so. For these folks I have nothing but the utmost respect. It is the ones who call the OC "it" and say "it" is the OW responsibilty because she decided to bring "it" into the world and that they have no desire to ever have anything to do with"it", they have no concern for "it" and in fact don't even acknowledge that "it" even exhists. These are the folks I have a hard time with. I would never expect any woman to save the OC over her own in a burning building but what makes me sick is that these women wouldn't even attempt to save the OC if it were the ONLY child in that building. They would stand there and say good riddance.

Dear Want...<p>I am glad that you have decided to stick it out! I know it's hard when you are placing yourself and your child in the spot of the OW/OC with those who have such strong statements about their situations. I am also not giving excuses or trying to explain for anyone. I just hope that you can continue to get the help, support, advice here that you have gleaned from us thus far. I am more than willing to share with you, as I am a little further down this particular road, although not by much. And we can all learn from someone, no matter what point of recovery we are at! I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say, cause I'm not sure it came out the right way.<p>Anyway, I am glad that you have decided to stay.<p>Tigger

Well, see? Your voice is needed here then. Seeing these affairs from every angle is so necessary to recovery and helps us to be sensitive to each other. Still, BS's need to feel freedom to vent without being attacked. Like many MBers say, it's better to vent here rather than to love bust on your spouse and withdraw your love bank units! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Read these, too:<p>Pregnant with Lover's Child
Pregnant with Lover's Child #2