as part of gearing towards more of rebuilding our marriages...what are some of the things that you and your spouses are doing to "re-connect"???<p>Mr. "T" and I pass a notebook back and forth to each other and write in it. It helps when he works his double shifts and can't come home. Those are the best entries in his part of the notebook when I get it back.<p>We also (upon MC suggestion and also from the Harleys' books) have a date where we go for coffee for an hour or so and talk about anything and everything......with the exception of OW/OC.<p>We just had our first date last week and it was fun. We got some books and had coffee and just talked about other things. I hope this continues.<p>I am also looking for new ideas on how to "re-connect" Please share with me what y'all do and what you found that works!<p>Hugs and praying for y'all as always,
Twiisty

Hi T.,
In my situation, the A took place when I was ill; suffering with a blood clotting disorder. I was anemic and barely managed to get through a work day. In the evening after preparing dinner, I crawled to the bed, all I did was sleep. In addidtion, I did not give H the attention and affection he desired. So when it became apparent that he was involved in an affair, I had to deal with the reality that the marriage was in trouble; although that does not justify the A. He confessed everytihng and asked if we could 'work it out'.'<p>After D-day, I realized that this was the same man I fell in love with 20+ years ago, who felt rejected because I did not/was unable to give him the affection he needed. The 'magic' returned shortly after I realized how important he is in my life.

Interesting question. Saturday I wrote down one sacrifice that I could make for my H on Sunday, you know, something nice that I KNOW he would appreciate. Then I did it. Yesterday morning I fixed a nice breakfast for him--with the works. I wasn't hungry, but I knew he was. Did I feel like doing it? Not really! But I did it anyway and it made us both feel great. Later on, he invited me on a date. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sometimes ya hafta give when you don't "feel" like it and it's amazing how it fills their love bank to the point where your needs can't go unmet. If I think of my sacrifice as showing my love & gratitude for God, it's amazing how it boosts my attitude in the process!

BTDT,<p>you have a point when you say sometimes you have to "give"....<p>I was surprised to see that the top five Emotional Needs for my H is the same as mine in the same order with the exceptions of our #3/s<p>Then it hit me yesterday and today....I was expecting H to fill my needs...but he has those same needs himself!!!!<p>I need to work some more on my end. Glad I am learning this as I go on.<p>I am still interested in y'all's ideas....
Hugs,
Twiisty

Twiisty..love the notebook idea [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
My SO is out of state so it makes it harder to work on.The fact that he works with OW, makes it even more difficult. We have what we call the Question of the Day. He asks one and I ask one. All thats requiered is total honesty.Sometimes writing your feelings down is much easier to express and much easier for the other person to accept/answer without being defensive. <p>Peace

That kind of brings up a related topic, at least for me. Date nights. They can get real old and really predictable--quickly. What can you do to make date nights more fun? I don't remember tedium setting in while we were dating.<p>I know one that I plan to use starting next winter. There is a small ski area just ten minutes from our house. We used to ski back when we were more fit and by next fall I hope to be in ski condition again. We also used to play tennis and we belong to a tennis club but only Mr. J goes. I am going to start making date nights for that. <p>We used to play tennis a lot but Mr. J turned it into a chore instead of fun. He used to yell at me a lot and badger me to become better and better. In my opinion, if it ain't enjoyable, I ain't doing it. He doesn't or at least, didn't, get that you can't speak to your wife the same way you speak to the high school tennis team you are coaching. I am your wife, not your pupil. Speak to me kindly when you are teaching me something or don't speak to me at all.<p>I withdrew from tennis. At one point it was something I loved, but I got tired of being harped at about it. He has apologized and promised not to treat me that way, but I guess I haven't been as forgiving as I think I have. I have yet to set foot back on a tennis court again even though I would like to. Hmmmmm gotta work on that holding on to grudges thing of mine....<p>
MJ