My H is having a real tough time figuring out if he loves me as a good friend or as a man should love his wife. We have been maried for nine years. We have a S-10 and a D-8. We have lived our dating life and married life pretty much apart. We get together on the weekends. First six years were because his job took him on the road. The last three years because he doesn't know if he really loves me the way I love him. I have finally said we either live together as a family or to the big D.

I feel that if he would give himself totally to us and be a part of our daily lives he would understand what real love is. He was married when he was 18 or 19, was never around then and FW had an A. They ennded it D. He than was in a relationship that had children from her previous marriage. They lived togehter and again he was not around except weekends because of job. Again she had an A. They split up , a few years later we met and the pattern has been repeated. I have not had an A I take my vows very seriously and love my H very much.

We are now at the crossroads where I've had enough of him not being a whole part of our family and want him to either move in and give himself to us and be a part of our family on a regular basis rather than just weekends. I feel he wants love to just be there and doesn't want to work at it. He had said once that he thought love should be unconditional, like a child loving a parent. But I do'nt believe that love is like that. I feel it take s a lot of work and alot of time but would be worth it in the end. I also feel he is afraid of getting hurt again, but should realize that if I have lasted this long without an A it can only get better if we move in and live as one.. Sorry I have a tendency to ramble.
Any good meanings of love or anything to help my H figure it all out would be appreciated. I feel he would listen to others view on love over mine. Since it is my POV and my own agenda!!!!! Thanks

<small>[ March 17, 2004, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: 50 CENT ]</small>

Janelle,

After nine years it's going to be tough to change...Seems like you are finally growing but he's still stuck. Unfortunately he's the only one who can deal with filling the holes inside him. It seems that you have done a lot by providing him with stability and open arms...not to mention two kids. If he can't see that his family is the right place for him, he's either really immature, really stupid or really having relationships with other women too. Your allowing him to just come and go as he pleases is also not allowing him to make a decision. Why should he-he has his cake and is eating it too....Doesn't help him grow. It's a tough decision for you and for him to change what on the surface seems to be working okay as is. I don't think being stagnant and not growing is good in the end. I also feel bad for your kids thinking that this is a perfectly acceptable way to connect to another person-by not really connecting at all...Sorry I didn't really answer your question at all...I just felt like commenting. Good luck...seems like you're on the right path <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Is there any infidelity on his part?

Had a good over do talk and time alone back in December. Admitted to kissing three girls but did not go any further than that. Talked to him yesterday and he said he had made an appointment with a cunselor to try and figure out his feelings. gave me some hope!!!!!

Just feel if we were toghether more than just weekends we would be meeting each others needs and he would realize that he does love me.