I am thinking of getting a couple of Dr. Harley's Books. "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Surviving an Affair". Has anyone read these and have they helped?

I hqave bought two of Harley's books, His Needs, Her Needs and Fall in Love, Stay in Love. They are both wonderful books and I have learned so much. I finished HNHN and the most important thing I learned from that is that while I'd like to blame my WH for straying, I learned that I was responsible for creating an atmosphere in our marriage where WH felt he had to go elsewhere to have his needs met. That doesn't excuse his choice, but it does show where I need to accept responsibiity and make changes as a spouse. This made a lot of sense to me. It's never as simple as being one spouse's fault. I am still finishing FILSIL, but so far, so good. Hope that helps. By the way, I didn't buy SAA because I was afraid the children would see the title. Though I know they know that all is not well with their mom and dad, I don't want to be that blatant. They aren't ready for that.<p>Hope that helps and all the best.

Thanks for the input. I'm on the other side of fence. I'm the one who had the A. But I know how important it is for me to be able to forgive myself in order for my husband to be able to forgive me too and that's something I haven't been able to do yet. I was hoping these would help me to better understand the dynamics of an affair. And while yes intelectually I know that the total blame doesn't lie with one person I need to get there emotionally too. Right now I just can't get past how selfish I was because I normally am not a selfish person at all. Thanks again for th input!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I love the Harley principles, and I can highly recommend "After the Affair" by Janis Abram Spring. Just excellent. (It does NOT address pregnancy as a result of an affair, but then NO book DOES!). <p>Spring's book covers normal feelings of wonderer AND hurt spouse without provoking guilt, and many many ways to recover the marriage that are very Harley-friendly. Heck, don't stop at one of two books... go see which ones the library has and supplement with what you can't find! I read everything I could get my hands on [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If you look in the new-here category on Infidelity boards, you should find a great list of books and other resources. <p>J
in recovery 3 years and happy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I guess it's a good thing I love to read!!!

I have most of Dr.Harley's books and will be starting the LoveBusters book shortly.<p>I did read Surviving an Affair and found some things to be helpful. It did a good job of explaining to Mr. "T" (who read it also) of how I feel. I highlighted several things from that book.<p>I will be re-reading alot of this again, including HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS, as I feel with D-Day approaching me, I want to move on and not LOVEBUST my hubby with angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements.<p>I really like the concept of Enthusiastic agreement and negotiating and brainstorming...now if I can get Mr."T" more enthused about anything....(He's a Phelgm (for those of you who believe in Personality types...I'm choleric/melancholy heh heh...)<p>We should have a thread discussing the book and what we think of it if anyone is interested.<p>Hugs,
Twiisty