This is my first time here. I did a web search for "restoring trust" and this website was one that came up. I am having trouble finding the information I'm looking for since most of the sites and topics relating to trust/lack of trust deal with infidelity. My case is a little different. I am married about 6 months but had dated my husband for over two years before we got married. I have had trust issues in past relationships (cheating spouse, boyfriends, etc). My current husband is faithful but we do have trust issues because of contact with an old girl friend of his. My husband and this woman had been friends for over 20 years with no physical connection. About 5 years ago, she was having problems in her marriage and started confiding in Bob (my current husband). After a few months, they started a relationship together because she planned to leave her husband. Well, for a year and a half she kept saying she was leaving her husband but never did. Bob broke off the relationship with her. A couple months later Bob and I started dating. She would call him occasionally. She did not like the fact that he had someone else. He did not see her. He would tell me when she called. She came down with cancer and would only confide in him. He knew that this continued phone contact with her was bothersome to me. He used to tell me when she would call but then just started telling me that he hadn't heard from her. I recently found out that she was still calling his cell phone and occasionally he would return a call if she left a message saying she needed to talk. I feel betrayed. I feel lied to. He has appologized and has told her that he can no longer take her calls. She says she needs a friend to talk to but he has admitted to me that it makes him uncomfortable because she sometimes ends the conversation with "I miss you". He said he quit telling me about her calls because he knew that it upset me. He said the calls were innocent and that she needed someone to talk over her problems with and he thought she would find someone else and stop calling. I am torn between feeling threatened because she was his previous girl friend and feeling bad because I am asking him to give up a friend he has had for over 20 years. He has admitted that taking their relationship from just friendship to something more was a big mistake. The problem is, because of infidelity in my past relationships and my current husband keeping the truth from me, I am have a difficult time trusting him. I keep wondering if she is still calling his cell phone. He said he would tell me if she called. How do you get the trust back? How do you stop all the doubts after you've been lied to and hurt numerous times by other people? Just looking for some resources or advise...Thanks.

country girl,

So far, it sounds like he is being honest with you and is being a considerate friend to her. He has been friends with her for a long time but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you

I can understand your difficulty trusting him, but maybe it would be easier to be understanding of his friendship with her.

Understood, they had a relationship, but that relationship ended and by him telling you that she makes him uncomfortable when she say's that she misses him tells me that the relationship realy is over for him.

You need to read all of the basic concepts on this site. Read all you can on this site(Articles, QA's, etc...)

Make sure that you can adress this situation with him without any love busters. Talk to him about it and let him know how it makes you feel.

WIWH