Here is a bit of the story: <p>I am in my second marriage...I have two children (10 & 5 year old) from my first husband (who doesn't want to see the kids any more so I am their only parent).<p>My current hubby and his mother are pushing for me to have a baby. I do not want another child and I don't know how to tell them. They are not the ones that have to endure being pregnant for 9 months, have a c-section, stay up till all hours of the night, doctor visits when baby is ill, miss work with out pay, etc. I am only 13+ years away from my two boys moving on with their lives...I just don't want to start over again.<p>Any one been through this and what was the out come???<p>
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] Gena Bean

Hello Gena Bean,
Wanted to respond, as "to have , or not to
have" has been a recent touchy subject in my
house as well.<p>My husband and I have been married four years
and have no children together, however, my
husband does have a daugter (9) from a previous
relationship. We do see her, and all get along
well, but since she lives in a different state,
our contact is not too frequent.<p>We debate whether or not we will have a child
together and haven't come up with an answer yet.
I have mixed emotions - sometimes feeling like
I really want to have a child, and other times
really feeling like I'm happy the way we are.
I think my husband goes through the same-
although it's a little different for him since
he does have a daughter, and because he's
younger than I am and doesn't have that
biological clock "ticking" as I do !<p>Co-workers and friends have asked when we are
going to start a family, as well as my mother
in law making similar comments. I usually
just answer that we are still thinking about
it or that it's not in our current plans,
but have I ever heard an earful about why
we "must", why we "should", or why we "shouldn't".<p>In your case, did you and your husband discuss
and/or make any plans about having children
before you married ? Is his wanting to have
kids now a new idea, or has he always wanted to ?
Have you been able to sit down and really
explain and talk about your feelings and
why you don't want more kids ?
Has he told you his feelings and explained
why he does ?<p>In my case, I have tried making a list of
positives and negatives to help me think
of both sides. Our biggest negative right
now is financial, as well as the fact that
my husband is very busy in a new job, so
I know that most of the care would be
left to me. <p>I don't have an answer but definitely think
it's a very personal decision just between
the husband and wife and that your husband
needs to (kindly and respectfully) ask his
mother to stay out of it.
I don't think you should have kids because
of feeling pressured or when you really
dont want to- there's nothing wrong with
not having more children.<p>Just my thoughts.....hope you can work it
out so it does not cause hard feelings or
resentment on either side , which could
damage your marriage.
A

I don't think it would be fair to have the baby if you don't want the baby. The baby is the one who will suffer most. Maybe if your husband knows your honest feelings, he can have more compassion. I sympathize with you completely. Having freedom to take naps without having to look over your shoulder every 2 minutes to see what the kids are getting into is definitely a luxury! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] However, if your new H is younger than you, I can certainly understand why he and his mom would desire a child so much...<p>Policy of Radical Honesty<p>Policy of Joint Agreement<p>Maybe if you read and print these articles to share with your H, he can empathize with you more. And, perhaps you could share your post (what you have written here) with him. Tell him your fears.