HI, i usually post on GQ and have posted this Q there too.<p>We had our first child 6 months ago and WH left me 12 months ago.<p>THe thing is I really want more children but its not looking too hopeful that my H will return soon if ever. Im 31 this year, so I dont have a great deal of time, but I want my marriage to work so anyone else becoming the father is out of the question.<p>Anyone else feel this way or dealt with this?<p>Dancer

No.<p>Catnip =^^=

You have between nine and fourteen years left to spawn.<p>I am sorry, Dancer, but why would you want to bring more children into a marraige that is so shaky? That isn't fair to any child that might be born or to you. <p>You would be painting yourslef into a corner if you conceived while separated. What is he never comes back? Then you are scratching and scraping to make ends meet alone, not having the emotional, financial or overall support of shared parenthood.<p>Squelch those destructive feelings for now. If you are only a puppy of 31, you have plenty of time to resolve this marriage, one way or the other, then move on to find someone decent and loyal next time, if this husband is not worthy, and have a whole rack of kids if his pocketbook can handle it.<p>Think with your head, not with emotion or you will end up regretting it.<p>I'm sorry you're struggling with this alone. You are in my prayers.<p>Catnip =^^=

I guess I should have made it clear that I wouldnt ever go into another pregnancy without being in a God driven marriage, it certainly is not fair to let that happen purposefully. I guess what I'm feeling is that how long will it take H to return, if ever and then how long to go thru recovery until its the right time to concieve...then the 9 months...then more kids...this could take a while...Im so impatient...I should let God let my tap drip into the spoon, not pour out full ball.<p>Dancer

Dancer<p>According to Harley and all the experts, me not being one of them, "they" say that in Plan B where there is absolutely no communication whatsoever between you and your spouse, and the ONLY communication about the children, bills, issues is through a third party or mediator, it supposedly runs from a few weeks to six months for Wayward to realize what he has done, what he has thrown away and want back really bad. Then, upon the return of spouse and boundaries are incorporated, a Policy of Joint Agreement in place and absolutely no contact with OP, it's another six months for the fog to lift where they are no longer missing or obsessing about OP. THEN, another couple years for recovery and you should be good to go if all goes well and on schedule.<p>But, believe me, these time references are a generalization at best as we all know nothing really ever happens as we plan or how we wish it to happen. Nothing has ever worked out the way it was predicted or on schedule, so these are simply an average, I suppose, and I could have it all wrong and be giving you a lot of misinformation, so...never mind.<p>Whatever your situation is, it is going to take time, Dancer. And if not with this husband, perhaps with someone new and more worthy. Until then, pray for God's guidance...and be patient. One day at a time and God's plan for you will be revealed.<p>Good luck, God bless<p>Catnip =^^=

Hi Dancer,<p>I'm not sure what the issues are between you and your husband, but I would try to concentrate on working things out with him first before you think about having another child.<p>In terms of being 31 and feeling your time is running out, you are just a kid. I'm 33 and I have so many friends who've had their first babies after 35 and even in their early 40s. Don't worry about missing your opportunity there. <p>Hope this helps