Hi all, <p>I know that I don't post here that often and when I do, it's usually because I can't decide about pushing my husband to get the test done or not. (remember, the brother is a possible suspect. bystander referred me to a dna company and they said that it would be best to have both brother's tested. my bil refuses, ow and dh say they will)<p>We seem to be in strong recovery and doing well. We have our ups and downs, but it's usually just plain old relationship stuff and not necessarily affair stuff. <p>It seems that everytime I feel like I really can be happy with my dh, I remember the oc! The uncertainty hangs over my head. That is because I allow it to. <p>Can you help me with a pro's and con's list? Do you think that you could live with the uncertainty? In your opinion, would the uncertainty be better than what you're going thru or have been thru with knowing?<p>Ow wants nothing from us so far (maybe because oc is not my husband's? I don't know). My dh wants nothing to do with oc. <p>I hope that nobody is sick of me asking these questions. It seems to come up every couple of months, though. <p>tinlizzy

Oh, I am also bringing this up because some friends are really encouraging me to talk to bil and get the test done w/o bil if he still refuses. <p>Ugggg..........

Even though I have been on this site for longer than I should be, I never knew what "dh" is. Does it stand for "dear husband" when times are going well? Or "dear husband" with a sarcastic connotation? Or does it stand for "dead husband" if he ever cheats again? I have never ever known what dh stands for.<p>Anyway, BIL (I know what THAT is) should be open to testing on his own simply to end this horrible horrible unresolved question looming over everyones' heads. I cannot believe how incredibly cruel and/or cowardly he is for not taking the test. A judge would force him to take DNA if both brothers refuse to take the test. Otherwise, if BIL refuses and your husband agrees to it, then the presumption of paternity will fall on your husband...and perhaps, wrongfully so.<p>Man, I would campaign til the cows came home on this one. I would make his life miserable until he acquiesced. I can't believe the rest of the family is letting him get away with this. Does he have a wife and children too? If he doesn't then what he is doing to your two is pretty unforgivable. The LEAST he can do is stick a Q-tip in his mouth and hand it over to the labs.<p>I wouldn't push your husband to get the test done unless BIL does it too. I would puch husband to refuse until EVERYONE is in compliance. The DNA could very well come out that your dh (whatever the heck that is) is the unlucky lottery winner/loser in this game. <p>No one can live forever with that kind of uncertainty, and you shouldn't have to, however, I certainly would make things tough for everyone by not complying until the judge insists that BOTH men take the test.<p>Just my not so humble mouth off.<p>Catnip =^^=

Hi Catnip!<p>Thanks for the reply. I am laughing because dh can stand for whatever you are feeling at the time.....dead [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] , dear, dumb, darn, damn. Of course, h is for husband. <p>I know, I am soooo ticked at my bil that he won't do this. It would be a private test, so it wouldn't even be thru the courts.<p>He (bil)is not married. He has numerous children (over 5 of them) and is paying for 5, but not the rest. All different mama's. I don't think that our x-ow would even try to get support from him...he doesn't have much $ left to give! <p>I do want to know, either way.<p>t.l.

tinlizzy,
I thought bystander said that should not matter if your bil takes the test or not? If there is chance that it may come out worng because your bil won't take it, then I would not do it.<p>Do you think that if bil decides to get the DNA test done that you would do it? I am kind of in the same situation here. Except my H has not talked to OW since March and when he tried to get the test done privately she hung up on him.<p>So, the only way this would be resolve right now is through the courts. And if it is my H they will make him pay child support. <p>I am trying not to think about and move on. Boy is that hard.<p>Dawn

Hi Dawn, <p>The DNA company that I spoke with (who was referred by bystander) said that it is possible to have a false positive between 2 close relations. Brothers/uncles/father's. They have seen it happen. They suggested that I get the brother tested if at all possible to avoid that situation. I told my husband to just beat his brother up and stick the Q-tip in his mouth!! tee hee!<p>I know Dawn, it's not easy waiting. Living with uncertainty. I hate this!!!!<p>t.l.

Oh, and Catnip, my husband's mother's response was this, "I don't know why you want to find out. Nobody cares." EEEEK! Just goes to show you how that family thinks!

hello,
I guess then if Bil won't do it then I would not do it.<p>Unless your H can beat him and get it from him! Lol.<p>One more thing is. Maybe you should ask yourself this. Are you prepare to pay CS if it is your H and deal with OW? If the answer is yes and you can get Bil do it. Then I would. I guess I am not prepare to do that at this time.<p>Dawn

tinlizzy
Here is a thought.
Maybe try getting the sample from bil while he is asleep.<p>My H does not want to find out and he has not agreed to getting the DNA done. Maybe he will come around.<p>Dawn

Hey Dawn, <p>Good idea! Bil gets drunk ALOT! So, he wouldn't even know if dh was putting a q-tip in his mouth! I think that I suggested that to dh, but he didn't like the idea. <p>No, I don't want to pay cs and I don't want to have to deal with ow. <p>I wish that I could just be in denial and think that the boy is probably not his because otherwise she would've already wanted something from him by now.<p>I wonder if the majority here had the ow or the ws initiate the test?

Hi Tinlizzy,<p>You said
"I wish that I could just be in denial and think that the boy is probably not his because otherwise she would've already wanted something from him by now"<p>I wish the same thing. <p> And everyone that I talked said the same she does not know who the father otherwise she would had come after him by now.<p>Even the person that introduced her to my H said the same that she questions that the baby is my H.<p>She must be one stupid lady because my H's friend remembers taking to get her prescription filled for birth control pills around Feb 15. She would already been 4 weeks pregnant at the time. She was going to start birth control pills.. Well, it was a little late for late. I don't know when they tell you start taking them. She went to planned parenthood to get the prscription I believe on Feb. 12. Her last period she said was Jan.12.<p>My h was just has stupid too. He took her on Jan. 31. He did not ask why. I found out that she wanted to start birth control. Well, it was a little for that. All I know that took a pat smear and she went back on Feb. 12 to get birth control pills. Why take them if you were suppose to get your period then. <p>And I always thought that they tell you no sex and come back for a pregnancy test. They had sex for the last time on Jan. 31. H said that he did not get to far because the cops came. I wish they came before anything happened.
Anyway, OW went back to planned parenthood on feb. 12 to get birth control pills. My friend said that those pregnancy test at planned parenthood are no good for nothing. She was pregnant and it cam back negative and the same thing happenend to her sister.<p>But would you not wait for period to come to get the birth controls pills if you were suppose to get it? I can see if she had a week to go then
I would get it. But on the other hand, My H broke up with her on Feb. 8 and she said that she was not seeing anyone. Then why go get the pills 4 days later. Why not wait for your period. She was not concern until March 2 that she might be pregnant. It is when she took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive.<p>Does this sound strange or what? But she had the baby in October. So would not conception be in January? I guess it could have been in the early part of Feb.
One more thing, She only makes around $8/hr why would sh not go after H for child support? She can use the money. And she cannot go on welfare.<p>Dawn<p>
Dawn

triple post<p>[ March 07, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

double post

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by tinlizzy:
[QB]<p>He (bil)is not married. He has numerous children (over 5 of them) and is paying for 5, but not the rest. All different mama's. QB]<hr></blockquote><p>Take your BIL to the vet and get him fixed. My Gawd, five from five different women. Sheesh.

up.
for more responses<p>Dawn<p>[ March 07, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

up to the top for responses

up to the top

Dawn, <p>I think that we're gonna get all the responses that we're going to get. Thanks Catnip and Dawn for taking the time.........

tinlizzy <p>Here is a question that you might want to think about.<p>Do you really think that you can move on without knowing?<p>I do not know myself. And by coming here and posting maybe I cannot.<p>Dawn

Hello,
Someone asked me if it will make it worse by knowing? I do not know. <p>Dawn