ive been offline and in hell for a while now
thngs have been tense the last two years since xh and i got back together esp. the last year since we found about oc was his
we werent getting along alot then holiday stress and i moved out
then we again want to try to work it out and wamm bam after ow dropping her cs case 1 year ago here she pops up again. always at the worst possible times
so she wants her cs again
we have not heard anyhting for a year dont know where thye moved to (but i have seen her on the road so not far enough away)
h has only seen oc at dna test
and so he went to court
she wanted back support from the time he was born 1 and a half years ago now
and because the child doesnt know him the judge ordered supervised visitation in HER home for first 3 months!!! it would be december before oc could spend the night with h
i dont htink i can take the stresses again
and i sure as hell dont feel comfortable with him visiting at her house but thats the judges order and if he doesnt follow he will have to pay a larger support amount and wont get to see oc
I dont know if I can go back
Maybe i should try to move on. But I know h will not be able to make it financially
but i think we should work on US, OUR family, getting it straightened out before we add oc to picture (if ever)!!!!
I thought he had decided to wait till oc was older or explain some circumstances if he came looking for him later
But now I feel he is being as vindictive as her "IF HE HAS TO PAY THEN HE WANTS TO SEE IT"
he compared it to paying for a car you dont get to drive.
It makes me so mad because he was so ok with never seeing it thus far until now that she took him back to court.

Hello,
I am sorry. I really don't have any advice. I will be praying for you.<p>Your post has brought some questions up for me.
You see OC was born October 2001. As for now H does not care to find out or do anything and OW has not done anything about getting a DNA test. I do not know what her attensions are. I have decided to try to move forwad and not think about OC. But that is hard. I have been debating if it would be better to find out now while everything is still fresh or hope for the best that OW will not come after H. And put it behind me if that is possible. <p>Sorry this as turn into a vent.
Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom up.<p>Dawn

NBS<p>I am so sorry you are going through this and I am so sorry you need to be back here.<p>The only thing I can suggest is that you insist to be present during visitation. The judge, in my opinion, is a chowder head to force visitation in the OW home and not consider you or the marriage, but few judges have the capacity to understand the damage/impact their decisions make to the family of origin. Nor do they care.<p>Your husband, on the other hand, is sabotaging you, his marriage and family by taking such a ridiculous stance about comparing seeing OC to paying for a car he isn't driving, because it just ain't the same! It isn't good for the OC to be viewed as property of any kind instead of a valuable and loved little person. He should just back off and take this unpleasasnt situation as the logical consequences of his behavior and his penalty for cheating and betraying you and just suck it up. If he doesn't, then he is truly selfish to put you and your kids through this threatening situation of OW contact. He will be hurting a LOT of people...YOU, your KIDS, OC and for what? To make OW a little uncomfortable while in reality she is feeling powerful that she can get your husband to jump through some hoops and piss him off? He is really making more of a mess by seeing OC and will ultimately hurt OC by having contact and making you more miserable. <p>It's bad enough he did this to you and to your marriage, now he wants 'retaliation' for paying support? As if he is entitled to any revenge at your expense? Again?<p>The pain we inflict upon one another takes my breath away. When a man can put his wife through the most painful and most horrible thing in the world by having an affair, then adding the worst possible thing that can happen to a marriage by conceiving a child with the OP, that's the worst he can do...but to add insult on top of that by furthering your pain after all you ahve already been through, is completely self centered and rotten to the core. I just want to shake him senseless. I'm really fired up tonight. This really pissed me off.<p>You asked, NBS.<p>Catnip =^^=

I know.
he did say somehitng to the judge about me being just as much a part of the oc life as him and oc needing to know me too.
The judge said "YOU ARE the father."
I guess just another reminder that I am not the mother.<p>I dont know, I dont think, I can take it anymore.
If everything else in our relationship was wonderful , maybe.
But here I am, I'm out, I'm on my own, I'm making it. I'm scared to go back.
But I feel sorry for h because he cant make it financially. <p>I"m scared I'll be alone forever.