I have a question that (unfortunately) you guys are in the position to answer.<p>A bit of history: For about 30 seconds in 1997 I dated this guy (we'll call him Ray). We were friends for about a year but we only went on about 5-6 dates. During our last date we ended up doing some heavy petting (no intercourse). I got pregnant and kept the baby. At first he was fine with being friends and co-parenting, but later changed his mind. I found out much later that he changed his mind because he was engaged to another girl. Someone that I knew. The fiance freaked when she found out and had a very difficult time with it all. Ray has not seen my son in about 3 years. And that's fine with me.<p>Recently I discovered that my mother was sending pictures of my son to Ray. She's sent notes that say things like "if you no longer want to receive pictures, just let me know." Apparently he has never responded.<p>I found out about this by accident and she has no idea that I know.<p>I'm not really sure what the right thing to do is. I think that I should just leave it alone. I don't care if Ray sees pictures of Jordan. I just wonder if it's disruptive to his home. Apparently this has been going on since he was born.<p>Opinions please.

KS,<p>Well, if you've had nothing to do with the pictures being sent, then I don't feel you need to worry about it. I would suggest to your mother, if and when you let her know that you've found out about this, that she should ask before sending them, not WITH the pictures. And that "Ray's" W should be the one to ask, as it is her life as well. But, I think that you do need to let your mom know your concerns about how this may be affecting Ray's W.<p>Just my $ .02<p>Tigger

My mom knows the whole story with Ray's W. She was the one who was afraid that she would freak out and hurt me or my son. That's part of the reason that i'm confused now.<p>I honestly could give a flip about how it effects Rays W. There are kids in the house though. I wonder if it stresses him. Having a son was a big deal to him. My son is his first and (to the best of my knowledge) only son. I don't even know if they're still together. I mean i've had ZERO contact with either one of them. About a year ago I had lots of contact with his W's lawyer (but that's another thread).<p>I just think it's so strange that my mom would do this. I debate about just letting it go. <p>I called a girl who knows all of us and she said "oh yeah I knew about it. I thought you were sending them all of this time." [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Katie Scarlett,
Sounds like your Mom either doesn't understand
or doesn't agree with the fact that Ray doesn't
have contact with your son ?
I think I would nicely tell my Mom that I'm
aware of the fact she's been sending them
and ask that she immediately stop doing so.
As you've already found out, people think
that you are the one sending them, and that
could possibly cause problems with Ray
thinking you are either trying to get
involved with him again or disrupt his
marriage.
Just my thoughts-
Anne

If you don't give a flip, then neither do I! I thought you were truely concerned about how this was affecting the family, hence your below remark!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I just wonder if it's disruptive to his home <hr></blockquote><p>Ray's W is a major component of the "home" so if you don't want to have it disrupt his home, then you should care about how it affects Ray's W!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I honestly could give a flip about how it effects Rays W. There are kids in the house though. I wonder if it stresses
him. Having a son was a big deal to him. My son is his first and (to the best of my knowledge) only son. I don't
even know if they're still together. I mean i've had ZERO contact with either one of them. About a year ago I had
lots of contact with his W's lawyer (but that's another thread). <hr></blockquote><p>Now, I am sorry that I offered you advice, on what I thought was an honest question. Now I am wondering what you are truely getting at.<p>Oh well, I won't let it bother me, as it's not worth the time.

Katie Scarlett
I am having a problem with your statement<p>quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dated this guy (we'll call him Ray). We were friends for about a year but we only went on about 5-6 dates. During our last date we ended up doing some heavy petting (no intercourse). I got pregnant and kept the baby. <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Who's baby are we talking about then if there was (no intercourse )<p>Fred2008

I was wondering exactly the same thing! Please explain!

It's Ray's baby. A paternity test has proven it. Part of the reason that things were ugly in the beginning is becasue he said "we didn't 'do it' so it cound't be my baby." Turns out it is. (He's got good swimmers)<p>If I can be graphic for a moment: we were naked. It's not like I got pregnant from standing across the room from this man. We just didn't have penetration.<p>Secondly, there is no question that I have MAJOR issuse with his GF/W (i'm not sure which she is at this point). I just don't want it to look like i'm causing trouble for him/them. I'm not.<p>I spoke to my mom about this on Sunday. She says "I don't think it's a problem-he would have written back if it was."<p>I told her that I really disaprove and that I wanted her to stop. She changed the subject.<p>I guess we'll see what happens.

Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries! <p>IMO, your mother seriously overstepped her role in all of this by sending pictures of your son to Ray. Our in-laws did this as well, by sending pictures of Precious to all of Mr. J's brothers and sisters when we were still not sure of what role we were going to play in Precious' life. If we had decided to have no contact, what on earth good would it do to have everyone else in the family bonding with some pictures of Precious?<p>I must admit I was offended by your "don't give a flip" comment, but I guess I am interested in why you would say that? OK, you didn't do anything to hurt this woman if Ray did not tell you of his invovlment or engagement to this woman, but why so callous and even spiteful about if this hurts her? What did she do to you?<p>MJ

MJ,
Here's the short version. Ray told me that he was single. SHE told me that Ray was single. Then when it came out WAY later that I was pregnant by Ray she did everything within her power to hurt me. She only stopped when the legal system got involved.