Mediation date was last Monday. Court date was last Tuesday. They do not allow me into the session. But here is what happened. ow did not show for mediation. In court, h used lots of resources- past cases, ex-bf, ow's refusal to allow contact or to show at mediation, and dhs records- to show that ow is unfit mother. H asked for joint custody with at least half overnights. H got full custody and ow is allowed visitation "at H discretion" but only supervised. WOW. <p>But judge said, ow is not here at court and you don't know where she is, how will you find kids anyway? H said i don't know, but i will. OK. So, we go on a kid hunt. Everywhere we look there are no kids and no sign of ow. Finally I said well we can ask the school if they will give us info. The kid who is in school is not my husband's child, but it seemed that all kids would be in same place. School attorney was called and said okay. Attorney had been through similar with a grand-daughter. Told us that ow had moved across country three months ago. We went to police dept to see if we could file kidnapping charges. They said no since custody came after move. But the detective had been in custody fight for his daughter and said let us call the police dept where they moved and see if they will get info from the school there for you. He got number and called and gave phone to my h. <p>My h starts saying I just got custody and I know my kids are there because the sibling just transferred there and..." The officer on the phone interrupts and says is sibling named Tonya. And my h just about lost it. He said yes and why do you know her name, what's going on, what happened? The officer said he couldn't say but would let the detective in charge tell him. What a long few moments while we waited for detective to come to phone. He said that the sibling had been severely abused three weeks ago, worst he had seen in 30 years. Said other four kids were not hurt and all five kids were in protective custody. My h said huh five? I have two, they have one sibling, why five? Detective said that ow had met some guy over internet and moved w/o meeting him across country into his home. He had two kids, plus her three. Said school had found abuse and then all kids were taken. New bf is charged with felony abuse, ow is charged with allowing it and not reporting, ie accessory to abuse, also a felony. My h was just dying. <p>Anyway, turns out that ow's parents had just picked up ow's three children. They were on plane right then. We waited till next day and picked up h's children from them with assistance from police, while they yelled and screamed and threatened. Oh well, they had their chance. We asked them to come to court too, but they "refused" supboenas. So now we are finally back home (700 miles from grandparents) with two kids. Sibling is with grandparents (we hope doing better, they wouldn't tell us), and ow is in jail 2500 miles from all of us. Looks likely that she won't be trying to reverse custody decision for awhile. <p>We figure that protective services will come to check out our home soon, etc. Kids show signs of being in bad situation. The 2yo calls everyone "mommy" or "daddy" and curses, and tells on us but is lying, ie daddy just closed door on my finger, but finger was not even close to door. And they both hit each other and us often. 2yo also throws a fit when one of us undresses the 1yo. We are unsure as to what they have been through, but we can tell it is not normal, even for terrible twos! They obviously need stability and love. I do wish that they didn't look so much like her. <p>Husband and I are coping well. So far. This does seem to interfere with our relationship, but we will do better. What an incredible lot of work these two are, but we are trying. I am still worried about our money situation. We were in bad shape and now worse, but we will do as best we can. Meanwhile at least all the kids are safe. I guess right now it is one day at a time. Thanks for prayers. <p>I guess our next step is to get h added to their bc and tell judge of new findings, and then to get daycare (H took one to work with him, and I took one today). Anyone know if I have any rights to these kids? I mean like parental type rights in case I need to take them to doctor or something official. For example, my h is going to training for military in summer for two weeks (he's a weekend warrior), and I will be alone with them. (AAAAAAUUUUUGHHH, I'll be pulling my hair out!!) Shouldn't I have some type of parental rights? Well, I'm off to take a deep breath and change a diaper.

oh my gosh! You are in my prayers. What a woman you are to take all of this on. The children at those ages can be a handful, let alone if they have been abused. I don't really have any advice just that I hope you can find out where you stand legally especially when he is gone. my husband is also a weekend warrior. You will be in my thoughts. God bless.<p>babstr.

Hello,
Those poor childern. I am glad that you finally got them. I know they are a lot of work and then the abuse on top of it. <p>Dawn

Aimee, I think you should see about having the OWs parental rights terminated and adopt these poor kids yourself. And God Bless you for caring about them more than she does!!

Wow. I absolutely don't know what to say. <p>God bless, protect, comfort and guide and heal all of you.<p>Catnip =^^=

Aimee,<p>Wow! You are a strong and brave woman. I wish you all the best. <p>I hope that loves grows in all your hearts, yours for the children and the children's for you and Mr. A.<p>MJ

Aimee,
I am so sorry that things have gone so wrongly for the children.
As of this moment, I don't feel I have anything really helpful to say.
Other than I agree with looking into having OW's rights terminated.
H and I are fighting for custody of Lil Bit because of the same type of situation, though not as severe and it happened long before the baby was born. This type of abuse was placed on OW's 2nd child. The first being mercifully placed for adoption by OW, then gloriously rescued by his father. <p>I would do some checking into the laws of your state. My state has some laws that allow stepparents some rights to a child when there is a strong bond between SP and Child. I pray that my bond with Lil Bit will be taken into account in the custody hearing.<p>(((HUGS))) to you... I know how frustrating this is and is libel to become even more so..<p>[ March 18, 2002: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</p>

You are an angel. You are an angel. You are an absolute angel. Wow...<p>What a big job ahead of you, undoing all the damage done to those poor babies. But with God, all things are possible! His love never fails.<p>I pray that as you spend time sowing seeds of His love into those babies, they will start displaying that rather than all the negativity that has been programmed into them. Did you know the bible says that when children are taught of the Lord, great shall be their peace?! YES!<p>Right now, they are so young that they probably won't even remember any of this so I think it is good that you got them in time (before they turned 5).<p>I never believed how anyone could describe their precious little ones as "monsters" before I had my own, so I know what you mean about maybe wanting to pull your hair out. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But don't pull your hair out, just put your foot down and pray, pray, pray! The 2-year old may be a clever liar, but he is still just a baby and capable of reprogramming. Seems like they just need a lot of love and you seem to be so full of just what they need. You have rescued these babies!<p>As far as your rights, I agree that adoption might be the way to go since you were left out of all the court proceedings, that is, IF that is what you want? Definitely get in agreement with your H (POJA) on disciplining those kids. Seems like they need a firm hand to guide them in the right direction. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Good luck!

I just wanted to clarify what I meant when I said that you rescued those kids. I was just wondering what they would have turned into if left in their previous situation. Who knows???<p>But at least with you and their dad, they have a shot at growing up in a more stable, loving home. What a tremendous blessing for them!<p>You are probably too busy parenting to be able to deal with the emotions you have over the affairs, but still make time to be together. It's so important to refill your love banks. Pay for a sitter, it's worth the price!<p>Is your husband proving himself to you? Are you guys discussing your feelings and not shoving them under the rug? Does he know how you feel every time you look at those children and see OW's face? I don't think you should deal with these emotions all alone. Prayer helps A LOT, prayer and communicating these feelings and thoughts with your H. God bless you!

It was a week ago this afternoon that we picked these kids up from their grandparents. I think husband and I are really struggling. Our hugs (one of my everyday requirements when we got back together) have turned into desperate clings for both of us. We are leaning on each other more than ever. The mother now knows that we have them and is asking the state she is in to challenge that. They are asking for a dna test and since we have custody papers I think they should pay for it. It's way too much for us and is not a factor. I think that we have proved to that state that the mother has lied so much that they won't give her much credence anyway. They will probably even wonder about the things she said that are true. (My husband's past is not very pretty and she brought up examples. But she has no proof and we do have proof that she lied about some other things. They will think she lied about all. I am okay with that since I believe husband is a different person now.) Anyway, he and I are hanging tight. The custody fight all by itself is a biggie, oh but there is so much more for me.<p>When I look at these little faces, I see ow very plainly. OW smiles up at me and calls me mommy. OW makes a mess with her food. OW laughs and enjoys blues clues. Oh and my goodness I have no idea what OW wants sometimes. She cries and cries and I don't know what to do. I know that the children are in a better place. I do not want them to see my feelings. I want my feelings to change. I want them to be happy children and be in a loving home. I am trying. I remember being told that I could change my attitude by pretending it was already changed. So I am smiling and laughing and loving and hugging. <p>I am still very worried about our finances. Contrary to what husband thinks, kids DO cost money. I know how people say if you wait till you can afford kids, then you won't have them. But I would have liked to be able to pay current bills before we added these kids to the equation. I am also dealing with maybe a normal parent issue of giving up a lot of dreams and freedom that I wanted. I did not want children; I wanted more couple time. I'm sure that parents go through that whether they wanted the child or not. And probably what bothers me most is when my husband looks at little boy and girl and adores them. I have tried so hard to give him all he could dream of. I want that look. But we had miscarriages so that he could have these little people in our lives. It hurts so bad. My husband says I am living in the past. Maybe...but it seems like I drove 700 miles to pick up the past and now it lives in my home. This week my attitude has progressed some, with a ways to go. I've decided that when I want to cry, I will pray.<p>Some good news too- kids went to doctor yesterday. He says that if they have been abused it was not in a lasting way. They have some scars, but that could have been normal kid stuff and for the most part they look fine. He also said that 2yo does not have disease as ow had told us 11 months ago. He will do one more test, but says he feels 95% sure. And he thinks that 2yo will stop cursing and hitting and stop calling everyone mommy/daddy as he gets more and more stability and routine in our life. Also our church is helping us get baby stuff. What a blessing. And the rain has stopped so now we only need to get the water out (the baby bedroom flooded). I think we will only lose the carpet and some drywall in the room. That is bad enough, but it could have been worse. And thank goodness, we got a neighbor to babysit for us four months in exchange for our extra car. God worked that one out. And although I have some doubts about my husband's future fidelity choices, I am trying to trust him. Yesterday would have been a prime opportunity for him to take his new pride and joy to visit those girls he has recently flirted with. My feeling (say 65%) is that he did not go there. Fingers crossed and head bowed in that category too!! <p>Bottom line- one day at a time with prayer, patience and lots of hard work, we're getting there!

hello,
I will praying for you and your family. It sounds like the kids need you and maybe with time you can get passed the fact that they look like OW. Instead, you can see them as childern that need and love you.<p>You said that H's name is not on BC, then was paternity ever proven? Did your H ever get a DNA test done?<p>Dawn<p>[ March 21, 2002: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</p>

husband believes children are his without doubt. the oldest one, the boy, has many of his features; the little girl does not. the mother has stated on many forms that my husband is the father. his name was not on bc because she is married to a man (who could not be the father as she has not seen him in years) who because of marriage is the legal father. <p>we expected the judge to require dna, but ruled giving my husband paternity because the legal father denied and the mother had signed so many places that h was father and given these children my husband's last name on bc. judge said that evidence showed that he was father. so yes, paternity was established at court last week. this week we are sending info to vital stats to get his name added to bc. <p>i suppose there is a question since dna was not done, but the blood test wouldn't matter to my husband. he loves these children and they need love. no one else is stepping up to be father. at worst it is like an adoption. and with God's grace we will do our best for them.

aimee2,
I just wanted to say since OW got thrown in jail and her kids taken away for neglact, I would doubt the court to give her custody at this time. I would not worry to much about that.<p>I often wonder how I would feel if OC was a part of our lives, I honestly don't know if I could handle it. You are a remarkable person to be staying. So, I will continue praying for you and your family.<p>Dawn

If anyone hasn't told you in the past few minutes, you are an awsome woman.<p>Actually it might be a good idea for dad to write up a quick <p>My wife, so and so, has my permission to act in behalf of me in regards to my children (names and ages). This applies not only to medical decisions, but all decisions regarding the children.<p>Have it notarized, and bingo. <p>I used to do daycare, and a quickie like that allows you to take the kids to the doc, er, pick them up from daycare, whatever they need.<p>Until you guys figure out how exactly you want this to play out this will be a good meanwhile thing.<p>Bless you!<p>Elizabeth