Those of you that don't know my story... refer to my other threads. At any rate... this topic is about my issues. I kinda lost sight of that until someone on here reminded me of what I came here for. (thanks, TallRose)
I am a very emotional man. When I feel something, I really feel it. There aren't many grey areas in my emotional structure.
Because of this, I get hurt easily, but I am quick to forgive. Sometimes, my temper is short... but I rarely go past a brief fit of shouting. I am not a violent man... but I've been known to hit things when I'm very frustrated, and have no other outlet. When I am angry, it more often than not, directed at myself. I don't want to let my anger get the best of me anymore.
I have ADHD... so, my attention span is short at times, and I appear to be distant and uninterested in some conversations. I also appear to be too dense to understand certain things. My impulsiveness is unbearable at times... even to myself. I lose focus quickly, too. But, these things are only problems on occasion. I go through cycles on this... I've learned to control many of my ADHD behaviors to an extent... but every once in a while, I get tired of the effort. I should probably be on meds again. I want treatment.
I'm frustrated with the way I'm living most of the time. I have a good work ethic... I'm a solid, dependable employee... but I can't find a job that gives me enough hours to live off of.
I know I'm smart... and I know I'm worth more than what I'm being paid. I just want to finish college so I can get a good, stable, respectable job as a college biology instructor. But, I don't have the time between everything else. I want to be acceptant of my current state of affairs until I have the opportunity to change it.
I'm kinda obsessed with justice and right. I know how people should treat eachother, and it upsets me when I see people mistreating others. I guess I directed some of that at my wife when I was being treated badly by her. That was a mistake. I want to get rid of my justice hangup. I don't need it anymore.
Sometimes, I tend to 'shoot first and ask questions later'. My reactions are swift... and every once in a while, I'm dead wrong with my initial reaction. I'm always sorry for it right afterwards. I want to not have to be sorry again.
I'm very compassionate and tender. But, I have an unfortunate tendancy to forget that when I get pushed around. I don't want to forget myself anymore.
I tend to prefer arguing problems out rather than ignoring them. This is unacceptable. I want to learn how to solve problems effectively, not fight over them.
I hate the fact that I cast blame on others, or myself. Why does it always have to be someone's fault? Some things can't be helped. I want to learn how to constructively bring up others' shortcomings, and own up to my own without accusing... and I want to know when to just accept something for what it is instead of trying to find something in myself, or someone around me that caused it.
I'm faithful, loyal, and honorable. How far do those qualities really go in a marriage? What about chivalry? I open doors, carry things, try to make life easier in little ways. Things like that. I do those things because they come naturally to me. Do they really make a difference?
I am persistent. I will wait out the things that must have patience, but I will go after the things which must be pursued. Sometimes, I have trouble discerning which is which, though. It's so hard to tell sometimes.
When I am in love, I will do anything I'm asked. But, I rarely do what is expected, but unspoken when it comes to the smallest things.
I tend to over-look little messes until they turn into big ones. And, I hate doing dishes... doesn't everyone? How can I train myself to look for messes?
I have a hard time ejecting poisonous people from my life. I am so reluctant to walk out on someone, that I will repeatedly give them the benefit of doubt whether they deserve it or not.
I like to escape sometimes. Into anything. More often, I wrench on my car... even though it's a lost cause ever trying to get that thing running again (88 RX-7 GTU... rotary engines are just impossible sometimes...). But, sometimes it's music. I'd like some escapes that can include my wife if/when we get back together. I tried just escaping to her... but she seems to not like that sometimes.
I'm very complex, though... there's so much more to this... but, I don't want to drone on for hours. Also, I don't want to just list out problems, and no good things about myself. I know I'm a good man... I just have some bad qualities about me that need fixed. Maybe this thread will find me some constructive advice on all of this?
Anyways.... that's all for now.
